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Thread: Overly complicated

  1. Senior Member
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    #11
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    Are you sure he is divorced? The lack of communication when he is home would send some serious red flags for me.

    Either way, doesn't change my answer (just something to consider). You essentially had one good day/date with this man in 6 months. I wouldn't bother with an explanation, just tell him you are no longer interested and move on.
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    #12
    Quote Originally Posted by CDNTrish View Post
    Are you sure he is divorced? The lack of communication when he is home would send some serious red flags for me.

    Either way, doesn't change my answer (just something to consider). You essentially had one good day/date with this man in 6 months. I wouldn't bother with an explanation, just tell him you are no longer interested and move on.
    Yes the divorce is 100% finalized and his ex is happily dating someone else.
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    #13
    Quote Originally Posted by Jetset View Post
    Yes the divorce is 100% finalized and his ex is happily dating someone else.
    And you know this how? Because he told you?

    I was actually thinking the same along the lines that he’s still married. You have spent little to no time with him in person, correct? Mostly communicating with him while he was deployed. He could have told you anything, knowing he doesn’t have to back up his words at the moment because he’s deployed and doesn’t actually have to follow through with “how badly he wanted to be with you”. As soon as he did get that chance though, after returning home, he needed a break and you were smothering him. Makes no sense and that screams to me that he’s still married. Sorry.
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    #14
    Quote Originally Posted by Allybeth View Post
    And you know this how? Because he told you?

    I was actually thinking the same along the lines that he’s still married. You have spent little to no time with him in person, correct? Mostly communicating with him while he was deployed. He could have told you anything, knowing he doesn’t have to back up his words at the moment because he’s deployed and doesn’t actually have to follow through with “how badly he wanted to be with you”. As soon as he did get that chance though, after returning home, he needed a break and you were smothering him. Makes no sense and that screams to me that he’s still married. Sorry.
    They are definitely divorced, I've been to his empty apartment, she pretty much took everything, and Facebook shows her happy with a new guy. I'm not that naive.
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    #15
    Quote Originally Posted by Jetset View Post
    They are definitely divorced, I've been to his empty apartment, she pretty much took everything, and Facebook shows her happy with a new guy. I'm not that naive.
    I don't think anyone was trying to call you naïve, sometimes people lie about their situations and from what we have heard (he talked a big game while deployed then is pretty MIA once back home and living 25 min from you) suggests he may have someone else in his life and he's keeping you around in case he gets bored or that doesn't work out (that's what I was thinking too honestly, not necessary still married but possibly seeing someone else)

    I have a friend who lived in Silverdale WA and she "dated" a dude there who was military, he kept telling her crazy stories about his crazy ex, military life, different excuses for not meeting his family, etc and his smooth talking and lovey dovey crap was enough to keep her strung along for over a year, meanwhile he had a gf all his family and friends knew about and this was why he didn't introduce her to anyone...I'm not saying this is your situation but from what you have described something seems off and it definitely seems the relationship is unfair to you. Your needs are not being met.
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    #16
    I don't necessarily think he's seeing someone else other than he might be back on dating apps now. But it does feel like something happened in Texas whether that's his friends/ family saying things or meeting someone else idk. Supposedly his mom and sister knew about me. Like you've all said, it doesn't add up or make sense, none of my friends get it either, especially the ones who have met him.
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    #17
    I feel like you probably won't get closure on this- you may never find out what "happened," but I can 100% guarantee it is nothing you did. He is clearly either unable to commit, liked the "girlfriend" experience while deployed but now doesn't want one, or any number of ideas people here have suggested. At the end of the day, seeming "perfect" in theory means nothing when you are being yanked around like this. He may say all the right things, but if he wanted to be with you, he would. End of story. There's really no other way to put it.

    I really hope you can cut ties and move on- you should be with someone who actually is amazing, not someone who seems like they maybe eventually could be. Good luck!
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    #18
    Quote Originally Posted by Jetset View Post
    Thank you all for the honesty I truly appreciate it! It's nice to get an outsiders perspective. I definitely agree I need to get over it at this point, it's just hard not knowing what changed but I'll probably never know.
    I am not sure anything has changed... that is kinda' the problem. He is who he is... and always has been.... and always will be.
    I am so sorry he is that way but you relly do deserve better.
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    #19

    Thumbs Up I feel for you...

    I would say take the advice of everyone on here before yo find yourself in the same situation i was in recently and let go whilst you can and redeem yourself because the pain of being taken on a long and lengthy uncertainty will destroy even the strongest of person.I was in a relationship for almost two years with a marine and he got deployed for 12 months during which time I supported as best s i can being that our relationship was long distance then 2 months before he was due to return he got distant and when I asked he would tell me 'he's sorry, but its a must' and it was like that till the start of September when he decided to informed me that he was back in the states as well as in the process of being release. I too sent few messages just as I would since day one and never got a reply till this day from him. it hit me hard that the relationship i thought i had with this person now seems like it was all based on falsehood and he never really cared about me. I've had to go seek counselling to help with the pain i felt from this unexpected end and the fact that the man i thought was my king, the love of my life couldn't find it in himself to give me that closure and say he wasn't interested no more. i have since been trying to move on but its hard especially when you find yourself asking what you did to deserve it. So i would say don't get too caught up like i did and break away so you can at least keep your sanity. One thing I learned from this is that my KING as he was to me would never have hurt me like this if he truly love or cared for me and also that he was never deserving of my love. It was too real for a FAKE. Time i have invested in those months i can never get back and that hurts but life does go on and you know what its is love for ONE's MAN GARAGE ULTIMATELY BECOMES ANOTHER MAN's TREASURE....
    you can do it.....!
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    #20
    Quote Originally Posted by Marvin_2016 View Post
    I would say take the advice of everyone on here before yo find yourself in the same situation i was in recently and let go whilst you can and redeem yourself because the pain of being taken on a long and lengthy uncertainty will destroy even the strongest of person.I was in a relationship for almost two years with a marine and he got deployed for 12 months during which time I supported as best s i can being that our relationship was long distance then 2 months before he was due to return he got distant and when I asked he would tell me 'he's sorry, but its a must' and it was like that till the start of September when he decided to informed me that he was back in the states as well as in the process of being release. I too sent few messages just as I would since day one and never got a reply till this day from him. it hit me hard that the relationship i thought i had with this person now seems like it was all based on falsehood and he never really cared about me. I've had to go seek counselling to help with the pain i felt from this unexpected end and the fact that the man i thought was my king, the love of my life couldn't find it in himself to give me that closure and say he wasn't interested no more. i have since been trying to move on but its hard especially when you find yourself asking what you did to deserve it. So i would say don't get too caught up like i did and break away so you can at least keep your sanity. One thing I learned from this is that my KING as he was to me would never have hurt me like this if he truly love or cared for me and also that he was never deserving of my love. It was too real for a FAKE. Time i have invested in those months i can never get back and that hurts but life does go on and you know what its is love for ONE's MAN GARAGE ULTIMATELY BECOMES ANOTHER MAN's TREASURE....
    you can do it.....!
    you didn't do anything to deserve that. what a jerk to treat you that way. I'm sorry.
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