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Thread: Handling mood swings without going off the deep end yourself

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    #1

    Handling mood swings without going off the deep end yourself

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    Last edited by Shoshana8; 09-20-2017 at 12:38 AM.
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    #2
    Is he actively in treatment? For me, that would be non-negotiable. I wouldn't leave someone just because he was sick, but if he wasn't getting treatment and his sickness could hurt me, that would never be okay. That is true whether it was a communicable disease, or a mental issue. No one gets to disrespect you, be cruel, and make you cry. No one. If he thinks those things are acceptable, he's a jerk. If he doesn't, he needs to do something about them, rather than just being sorry later. It would be a very, very clear line for me: treatment, and following the treatment plan; or I have to protect myself by leaving the relationship. He makes you cry and then tells you you are too emotional? Seriously? Think about that for a moment. The underlying reasons don't matter, even assuming this is related to PTSD.

    I wish you the best of luck. Mental illness is a bear. Sometimes, if the other person isn't willing to get treated, all you can do is make sure he doesn't drag you down with him.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    I know what you mean. With the smallest thing I accidentally say or do, he blows it out of proportion and makes me feel horrible. "It made me wonder why I was even with you." He makes me feel guilty about everything that I do my best not to say anything. He didn't used to be that way with me. He used to tell me I calm him down. All of a sudden he started complaining about everything, and I mean everything. Then everything I did made me a horrible person in his eyes. He used to look at me with different eyes. Now I feel like I add to his PTSD agitation. He always says he's going to go talk to someone at the VA, but it has yet to happen.

    I'm sorry that I'm not offering any advice. I'm new to all this myself. I guess I just wanted you to know that you're not alone.
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    Last edited by Shoshana8; 09-20-2017 at 12:38 AM.
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    #5
    He needs to get into some type of treatment. This is not something that is going to get better over time. If you break a leg you cast it and let it heal. Our minds are not any different; they need treatment. Agree with V ... treatment should not be an option. He needs to make a commitment to get better or it's gonna drag you down with him.
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    #6

    Not alone anymore

    I know this post was a few years ago and no one may reply, but you just gave me hope. I thought I was alone and wondering if what my Fiance was doing was just him or his actual PTSD. I always thought it was his PTSD but like you have been in an abusive relationship and was scared i was making excuses and becoming a doormat again. My partner most times is the most loving and caring man I've ever met but when he gets in his downward spiral becomes ruthless. He is very aware and acknowledges it and is trying is hardest to handle theses swings differently but its still a monthly occurrence. I've learnt to not push and he's learnt to just go whether it be a drive or camp. BUT he still hasn't stopped the none stop texting and although I've said I'll turn the phone off and won't read them I do. It's more the distance during these times that's frightening. We are so connected that when he is like that there is this massive hole. He is being treated and takes his rehab seriously he does everything he can, but it's still very draining.
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Bubbly View Post
    I know this post was a few years ago and no one may reply, but you just gave me hope. I thought I was alone and wondering if what my Fiance was doing was just him or his actual PTSD. I always thought it was his PTSD but like you have been in an abusive relationship and was scared i was making excuses and becoming a doormat again. My partner most times is the most loving and caring man I've ever met but when he gets in his downward spiral becomes ruthless. He is very aware and acknowledges it and is trying is hardest to handle theses swings differently but its still a monthly occurrence. I've learnt to not push and he's learnt to just go whether it be a drive or camp. BUT he still hasn't stopped the none stop texting and although I've said I'll turn the phone off and won't read them I do. It's more the distance during these times that's frightening. We are so connected that when he is like that there is this massive hole. He is being treated and takes his rehab seriously he does everything he can, but it's still very draining.
    Physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual abuse is never ok. Love is never abusive. Love doesn't yell or "fury text". I don't know your whole situation so I'm not going to say a whole bunch about it, but... this doesn't sound like love to me. IMHO. Do you have a professional you can talk to? :
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    Finally I find people that can relate. I married 2 years and 8 months ago. My husband LS retired from the Army after 20 years of service so he has seen lots of things. He tells me he was diagnosed with PTSD but he refuses treatment. At first the relationship was everything I could ask for. He was attentive to me, my children....the house.... my car...you name it. We had a whirlwind courtship....not even two months before we married. 5 weeks into the marriage I knew I was in trouble. I was on the phone with my husband and walked into work, my co-worker spoke to me for a few minutes and I was told that I'm putting this M*****F***** in front of him and he wanted out. Yes the D word came into the conversation (Divorce). I came home after my shift and all of his belongings were gone from my home. I was an emotional mess. This was my First Marriage and in a little over 6 weeks it was over (this is his 3rd Marriage)? So I assumed he was serious....changed the locks on my doors and went on about my life. One week later I got an apology and gave him another chance. To sum it up he has left at least 4 times like this. He actually moved into another house August of last year....but he still spends most of his time with me (until he gets angry which is often). Yes we have separate residences so he told the bank we have been separated nearly a year....but it's a technicality because we have been through documented marriage counseling 5 months out of the 10 months gone trying to fix things. We had been getting along Great the last month and a half. He has been spending every night with me....I'm thinking life is Good. He was preapproved for a VA loan 6 weeks ago so I'm excited about this house he bought for US to move into next week (yes this is what he was telling me)!!!! Yeah I see Light At the End of the Tunnel!!!! Until yesterday when he requested that I sign a Free Trade Agreement which relinquishes ALL of my Rights to HIS HOUSE. I was floored. I told him I didn't do this when you moved into my home (purchased 7 years before we met) so I won't do it either...and he still has Legal Rights to my home. Once again I hear he's going to Divorce me if I don't sign.....which I will not because we were together I guess until yesterday. So here I sit again waiting on Divorce papers cause this man could not have his way. I sometimes feel that a Divorce will put me out of my misery. Heck I struggle to take care of my home and children while the tables have turned for him cause he draws retirement, 70% disability (he's working on 100%) and he's an auto diesel mechanic. When we spoke to the Realty Company this morning about the Free Trade Agreement I was told it's for separated couples going through a divorce. I informed her that I am moving into this house as well. In a nutshell the attorney in the Realtor's office informed LS that if we are still together he needs his realtor to draw up other papers. I see this man playing emotional games in our marriage. I am pretty much isolated at this point (my 15 year old went to live with his dad to not live with LS) so now it's me and my 5 year old. I'm just at a loss.....
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Lady48 View Post
    Finally I find people that can relate. I married 2 years and 8 months ago. My husband LS retired from the Army after 20 years of service so he has seen lots of things. He tells me he was diagnosed with PTSD but he refuses treatment. At first the relationship was everything I could ask for. He was attentive to me, my children....the house.... my car...you name it. We had a whirlwind courtship....not even two months before we married. 5 weeks into the marriage I knew I was in trouble. I was on the phone with my husband and walked into work, my co-worker spoke to me for a few minutes and I was told that I'm putting this M*****F***** in front of him and he wanted out. Yes the D word came into the conversation (Divorce). I came home after my shift and all of his belongings were gone from my home. I was an emotional mess. This was my First Marriage and in a little over 6 weeks it was over (this is his 3rd Marriage)? So I assumed he was serious....changed the locks on my doors and went on about my life. One week later I got an apology and gave him another chance. To sum it up he has left at least 4 times like this. He actually moved into another house August of last year....but he still spends most of his time with me (until he gets angry which is often). Yes we have separate residences so he told the bank we have been separated nearly a year....but it's a technicality because we have been through documented marriage counseling 5 months out of the 10 months gone trying to fix things. We had been getting along Great the last month and a half. He has been spending every night with me....I'm thinking life is Good. He was preapproved for a VA loan 6 weeks ago so I'm excited about this house he bought for US to move into next week (yes this is what he was telling me)!!!! Yeah I see Light At the End of the Tunnel!!!! Until yesterday when he requested that I sign a Free Trade Agreement which relinquishes ALL of my Rights to HIS HOUSE. I was floored. I told him I didn't do this when you moved into my home (purchased 7 years before we met) so I won't do it either...and he still has Legal Rights to my home. Once again I hear he's going to Divorce me if I don't sign.....which I will not because we were together I guess until yesterday. So here I sit again waiting on Divorce papers cause this man could not have his way. I sometimes feel that a Divorce will put me out of my misery. Heck I struggle to take care of my home and children while the tables have turned for him cause he draws retirement, 70% disability (he's working on 100%) and he's an auto diesel mechanic. When we spoke to the Realty Company this morning about the Free Trade Agreement I was told it's for separated couples going through a divorce. I informed her that I am moving into this house as well. In a nutshell the attorney in the Realtor's office informed LS that if we are still together he needs his realtor to draw up other papers. I see this man playing emotional games in our marriage. I am pretty much isolated at this point (my 15 year old went to live with his dad to not live with LS) so now it's me and my 5 year old. I'm just at a loss.....
    This thread is from a year ago, so you should probably start a new one
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Lady48 View Post
    Finally I find people that can relate. I married 2 years and 8 months ago. My husband LS retired from the Army after 20 years of service so he has seen lots of things. He tells me he was diagnosed with PTSD but he refuses treatment. At first the relationship was everything I could ask for. He was attentive to me, my children....the house.... my car...you name it. We had a whirlwind courtship....not even two months before we married. 5 weeks into the marriage I knew I was in trouble. I was on the phone with my husband and walked into work, my co-worker spoke to me for a few minutes and I was told that I'm putting this M*****F***** in front of him and he wanted out. Yes the D word came into the conversation (Divorce). I came home after my shift and all of his belongings were gone from my home. I was an emotional mess. This was my First Marriage and in a little over 6 weeks it was over (this is his 3rd Marriage)? So I assumed he was serious....changed the locks on my doors and went on about my life. One week later I got an apology and gave him another chance. To sum it up he has left at least 4 times like this. He actually moved into another house August of last year....but he still spends most of his time with me (until he gets angry which is often). Yes we have separate residences so he told the bank we have been separated nearly a year....but it's a technicality because we have been through documented marriage counseling 5 months out of the 10 months gone trying to fix things. We had been getting along Great the last month and a half. He has been spending every night with me....I'm thinking life is Good. He was preapproved for a VA loan 6 weeks ago so I'm excited about this house he bought for US to move into next week (yes this is what he was telling me)!!!! Yeah I see Light At the End of the Tunnel!!!! Until yesterday when he requested that I sign a Free Trade Agreement which relinquishes ALL of my Rights to HIS HOUSE. I was floored. I told him I didn't do this when you moved into my home (purchased 7 years before we met) so I won't do it either...and he still has Legal Rights to my home. Once again I hear he's going to Divorce me if I don't sign.....which I will not because we were together I guess until yesterday. So here I sit again waiting on Divorce papers cause this man could not have his way. I sometimes feel that a Divorce will put me out of my misery. Heck I struggle to take care of my home and children while the tables have turned for him cause he draws retirement, 70% disability (he's working on 100%) and he's an auto diesel mechanic. When we spoke to the Realty Company this morning about the Free Trade Agreement I was told it's for separated couples going through a divorce. I informed her that I am moving into this house as well. In a nutshell the attorney in the Realtor's office informed LS that if we are still together he needs his realtor to draw up other papers. I see this man playing emotional games in our marriage. I am pretty much isolated at this point (my 15 year old went to live with his dad to not live with LS) so now it's me and my 5 year old. I'm just at a loss.....
    It is possible to have PTSD AND be a jerk. I was diagnosed recently with PTSD, and it does affect every aspect of your life, but these things sound like he just wants his way in everything.
    I mean, I don't know everything, every situation is different, but this sounds like more of a personality issue.
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