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TheBryTree

Blog challenge for 5/26

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by , 05-26-2008 at 04:15 PM (1064 Views)
[FONT=Arial Narrow][SIZE=1][I][SIZE=2] Today's blog challenge topic is:[/SIZE]
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Are you happy or unhappy with your[B] physical appearance[/B] (overall) right now and why? If there are changes you'd like to make, what are they? Are you planning to act on those changes and make them a reality? What DON'T you want to change?


[/SIZE][/I][SIZE=2][SIZE=3][FONT=Arial]I am very unhappy with my physical appearance. I've always felt like the loser fat kid with bad skin... and I have been teased for both as well.

When I wear dresses, because most the weight is on my stomach, I tend to look pregnant and it drives me bonkers. Not only because I am fat, but because I am NOT pregnant, would like to be, but can't for a while. I would like to lose up to 50 or so pounds while Andrew is deployed but I am worried that I won't have the motivation. I have HORRIBLE self control when it comes to food and exercise, and because I don't know anyone yet where I live, I have no one to help keep me on track. I also don't want to tell Andrew of my plan for fear that I don't do it and he comes home and is disappointed in me.

My skin, while better than it used to be (thanks in most to ideas from Loretta!) still drives me bonkers. I am just barely an adult and I feel that my skin pulls me down a couple years, making it harder to get respect from other adults who think I am just a kid. I feel that I am constantly torn between trying to prove myself as a competent adult (who DOES wash her face, thanks) and trying to ignore the obvious disrespect I receive from people in stores and such when Andrew isn't around. Only when I am with him do people think I am older because HE looks older. Everyone thinks he is about 23... some have thought he was 35ish. And I am stuck looking 16. I am hoping that exercising and eating better will not only effect my weight, but also my skin. Bad skin is genetic in my family, but I am sure my diet and exercise effect it profusely.

As for the rest of my physical appearance, I am happy enough. I wouldn't say any of me is perfect, but besides my skin and my weight, the rest of me is good enough where I can be happy with it. I don't think I would want to change much else. Perhaps my boobs because they are too big.... but I won't worry about that until I am done having children and breast feeding. besides... Andrew likes them ;) haha

Generally, I have extremely low self esteem... I don't think much of myself at all. I am hoping that if I succeed at losing weight and being healthier, I will have more self esteem not only because I am skinnier, but because I will then know I am capable of changing my lifestyle and succeeding at something that requires so much self control on my part.

To be completely honest, I look forward to Andrew's deployment so that I can have a year all to myself where I could work on making myself a happier and better person. Where there is no one to change my plans for the day or my grocery list. I look forward to his deployment so that I can prove to myself that I am better than I currently think I am. His deployment poses the perfect opportunity to make my own exercise schedule and my own meal plan. I will of course miss him, and would rather him NOT go but because it is something we DO have to deal with, I look forward to making the absolute most of it. Assuming I have the self control to do so.
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Comments

  1. GrumpyPants's Avatar
    I have not told my DB either i am working out , because i want to surprise him when he comes to see me on christmas.Did you do ur first deployment yet? Trust me you are going to miss him so much.You need to be strong, just start by eating healthy. Baby steps okay....
  2. Samalama's Avatar
    It will be a slow process and frustrating! But just keep at it. I found that joining a gym helped make me go because I knew that I was paying for the service. Having a friend to go to the gym with you is even better! Also going to classes at the gym helped. Set your expectations high, but don't expect to keep them. If you shoot to work out every day and only manage 4 that's still way better than 0. Don't beat yourself up over getting off track. Just deal with it and then start over. I also found that I was eating out ALOT and once I started eating at home I was making healthier choices.
  3. missybee77's Avatar
    you'll get to where you want to be sweetie. i went through some depression about a year ago, and i had gained 40 lbs. it took some diet changes and a very positive outlook but i finally lost 30 of it. just promise to stay healthy....don't get caught up in the whole "just 5 more lbs" trap.
  4. TracyWI's Avatar
    I know this blog is from a while ago, but I completely feel like you mentioned in this blog. It is so nice to know that others feel this way or have felt this way (even though it sucks to feel that way). It is really brave of you to put yourself out there like this, I only wish I had the courage to confront myself like that and put it out there to I guess hold myself accountable or something. I hope you are doing well!!!!