Help. I don't know what to say *long*

[privatelaun]

Thats a first I know but I have somewhat of a dilemna. I have been doing a lot of thinking and praying about this and I would like some advice. Before John had even thought about joining the military we had discussed marriage, this was probably a year ago. Since then we have had the military and med school on our minds. We had decided to wait to get married after college and right before he goes to Med school. The delay was mostly due to financial reasons. I am going to try and make a long story short. I have been doing a lot of thinking and I think it would be best to get married in the spring of 08. I don’t think I am being irrational, if I was then I would be trying to get him to elope on his first pass . I have been praying about it and whenever I think about getting married next year I get this feeling of peace, but when I think about waiting until he graduates I get this feeling of chaos. We don’t really know when he will graduate, where he will go to med school and when. I just feel like trying to plan a wedding around all that will be difficult. I also feel like our first year of marriage will be overrun by medschool. I am prepared to marry a med student but I would like there to be as little stress in our first year of marriage as possible. I also have never been excited about planning a wedding but with him gone the more I think about my wedding the happier I get. It is a wonderful distraction for me. I love John so much and I am so ready to be his wife. What is the problem you ask? Ah yes, I have no freaking clue how to bring it up to him I try to plant seeds but you know how well men take hints. I tested the water once by telling him that I wanted to have a “classic movie” theme, and that we could have a movie running of pictures of us in b&w or have clips of weddings from old movies. He said he liked the idea and that we should combine our pictures with clips from movies. Then he changed the subject a few seconds later. How would you suggest I present this idea to him? creativity is always a plus.

*heavy sigh*

If you made it this far thank you, and sorry I don’t know how to condense my problems. Thanks in advance for any advice

Originally Posted by privatelaun Thats a first I know but I have somewhat of a dilemna. I have been doing a lot of thinking and praying about this and I would like some advice. Before John had even thought about joining the military we had discussed marriage, this was probably a year ago. Since then we have had the military and med school on our minds. We had decided to wait to get married after college and right before he goes to Med school. The delay was mostly due to financial reasons. I am going to try and make a long story short. I have been doing a lot of thinking and I think it would be best to get married in the spring of 08. I don’t think I am being irrational, if I was then I would be trying to get him to elope on his first pass . I have been praying about it and whenever I think about getting married next year I get this feeling of peace, but when I think about waiting until he graduates I get this feeling of chaos. We don’t really know when he will graduate, where he will go to med school and when. I just feel like trying to plan a wedding around all that will be difficult. I also feel like our first year of marriage will be overrun by medschool. I am prepared to marry a med student but I would like there to be as little stress in our first year of marriage as possible. I also have never been excited about planning a wedding but with him gone the more I think about my wedding the happier I get. It is a wonderful distraction for me. I love John so much and I am so ready to be his wife. What is the problem you ask? Ah yes, I have no freaking clue how to bring it up to him I try to plant seeds but you know how well men take hints. I tested the water once by telling him that I wanted to have a “classic movie” theme, and that we could have a movie running of pictures of us in b&w or have clips of weddings from old movies. He said he liked the idea and that we should combine our pictures with clips from movies. Then he changed the subject a few seconds later. How would you suggest I present this idea to him? creativity is always a plus. *heavy sigh* If you made it this far thank you, and sorry I don’t know how to condense my problems. Thanks in advance for any advice

if you have already discussed marriage and its going to happen then I would just tell him you want to move the wedding up and mention everything you just said here. Are you engaged then I take it?

I would just sit him down and tell him you want to talk about a few things. good luck.

[goldilockz]

Men are, for the most part, easily spooked. If he didn't balk at the idea of the movie theme and seemed open to it, then it sounds like he's open to the wedding in general. I'm no psychiatrist though...

Changing the subject probably wasn't so much of a "I don't want to talk about marriage with you" as a guy's reaction of "I don't want to talk about wedding details". Guys just usually aren't into the whole details of a wedding thing.

Bring it up to him, tell him your concerns and that you've thought a lot on it and ask him what he thinks.

[Bex]

Are you engaged yet or...?

[privatelaun]

he wants to marry me, we plan to get married but as far as the official ring and question, no. He hasn't had the money for a ring. Right before he left for basic we decided to start a savings account for our wedding. He also asked me if he could wear tails, a top hat, and a cane to our wedding. I told him that would be awesome. He said thats how he knew I was the one because all of his friends wanted that at their wedding and the bride always said no. We are indeed a strange couple. He has also told me that he wants to find a creative way to purpose, that a ring hidden in food/drink is the stupidest idea ever. (Trust me I am so oblivious I would end up choking on it)

[Amber V]

That is tough. How does he feel about everything?

[privatelaun]

well.. he gets a 10k bonus at the end of AIT soooo....I think a ring may be in the works then. The part about when to get married hasn't been discussed in a year. Thats what I am freaking out about. You should have seen me trying to tell him i had fallen in love with him. I was like a shaky little highschooler, I am awful in the ways of love. I am awkward as heck.

[chelsea<3josh]

Well I think that you should just tell him you've been thinking about things and that for the 2 of you, you think it would be best to get married before he goes to med school etc. Explain to him how you are feeling about it all and that you think it would be less stressful if you get married sooner then later. You never know-he might be thinking the same things but being a guy hasn't really mentioned it to you! Goooood luck! I am sure he will agree with you on your thinking

[Amber V]

That is cute. Double check with the policies for what ever program he is going through. I know sometimes you can only be accpeted into certain types of programs if you are not married. See if that has any thing that will interfere. But see what he wants to do. If he agrees then go for it. Either way the end will be happy.

Originally Posted by privatelaun he wants to marry me, we plan to get married but as far as the official ring and question, no. He hasn't had the money for a ring. Right before he left for basic we decided to start a savings account for our wedding. He also asked me if he could wear tails, a top hat, and a cane to our wedding. I told him that would be awesome. He said thats how he knew I was the one because all of his friends wanted that at their wedding and the bride always said no. We are indeed a strange couple. He has also told me that he wants to find a creative way to purpose, that a ring hidden in food/drink is the stupidest idea ever. (Trust me I am so oblivious I would end up choking on it)

Thats what we were like. We just knew we were going to get married so we did. I didn't get my ring until our wedding and I didn't get the official "will you marry me" until a few days before IMO if your planning on marriage then your engaged. I'd just be honest and tell him you want to move the wedding up.