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Thread: To have a small wedding or wait and have the big one we want?

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    #1

    To have a small wedding or wait and have the big one we want?

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    We had always said we would just have a small court wedding with just us until we could go back home and have a "real" wedding with all of our family and friends. But now that the time is getting closer to start making decisions, it makes me a little sad knowing that I wont have my parents at my wedding if we just do a quick court wedding down here first. I know that we would still eventually have a big wedding back home once we could afford one, but it just doesn't feel the same to me.
    I almost want to just go back home to have a small wedding so that our families could at least be there. But then the other part of me says why waste money on something that we're not going to be fully happy with either? Every girl wants their wedding to be big with all their family and friends, with a big white dress, and a cake and a reception right? I guess I'm just torn. My mom is all about us coming back home to have a little one and having a little cookout or something for the "reception". I just think I would rather wait to spend that money on something that we actually want. And then there's the dilemma of how do you plan a wedding when you aren't even living in the same state that you plan to have it in?
    I'm open to any suggestions!
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    #2
    In my experience, many people who say they will do a courthouse wedding and then a big wedding later, more often than not don't have a big wedding later.

    Personally, I really wish my family and friends had been at my wedding, especially when I go to my cousins' weddings and see all my family there.

    So, do what you'll be happy with 10 or 20 years from now.

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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by AmberRenee View Post
    We had always said we would just have a small court wedding with just us until we could go back home and have a "real" wedding with all of our family and friends. But now that the time is getting closer to start making decisions, it makes me a little sad knowing that I wont have my parents at my wedding if we just do a quick court wedding down here first. I know that we would still eventually have a big wedding back home once we could afford one, but it just doesn't feel the same to me.
    I almost want to just go back home to have a small wedding so that our families could at least be there. But then the other part of me says why waste money on something that we're not going to be fully happy with either? Every girl wants their wedding to be big with all their family and friends, with a big white dress, and a cake and a reception right? I guess I'm just torn. My mom is all about us coming back home to have a little one and having a little cookout or something for the "reception". I just think I would rather wait to spend that money on something that we actually want. And then there's the dilemma of how do you plan a wedding when you aren't even living in the same state that you plan to have it in?
    I'm open to any suggestions!
    To the bolded: lolno.

    But anyway, if it's really important to you, you should wait until you can have the wedding you want. Most people never end up having their "big wedding" once they're already married.
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    #4
    At the end of the day, you just have to pick the one you want more and work towards that. Even if that means waiting, saving, planning from afar, etc. But if what you both want is a courthouse wedding, don't feel pressured to have something you don't want. And no, not every girl wants a big wedding.

    We knew we wanted a larger wedding with both of our families and we planned/saved for 1.5yrs between engagement and wedding. It was tough planning a wedding from Canada, especially with our families being from all over North America... But it was more than worth the extra time and effort. We had our big, perfect wedding - which we wanted - and am so happy we didn't settle for less than what we wanted (we entertained a quicker courthouse wedding) for the sake of it being less complicated.

    First and foremost, your wedding day is for you and your DF. Let it be on your terms with what you both would be happy with now and in 40yrs from now
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    #5
    I am somewhat agains the "big wedding later". I think a wedding is when you get married, since that's pretty much the definition of a wedding. To me, trying to make up for the things you didn't get seems kind of self-indulgent. For the most part, they are not things I make much effort to attend. Chances are there are people on your list that feel the same.

    If I felt like I'd truly regret it in a major way if I didn't have a big wedding with all the stuff that the commercials and bridal magazines claim I need, I would wait and not get married until I was in a position to have those things.

    And no, not every girl wants a big white dress and all that. In fact, until fairly recently, weddings had far, far less pomp and circumstance. It's a giant marketing machine that has successfully made you think you need all that.

    I planned a wedding from the opposite coast. It was pretty easy, and if you have someone in the wedding location willing to scout out some things for you, it is no problem.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #6
    We did the smaller wedding and were really happy with it, though neither of us ever wanted a huge wedding. We had 36 guests and it was perfect. Big enough that there was still all the normal stuff, dancing, cake, etc etc without being awkward, but not huge or crazy expensive. I think ours cost about $5,000 for EVERYTHING.
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    #7
    DH and I had a very similar debate. Because of his training schedule, we couldn't even plan very far in advance for our wedding! . Since it was important for me to have a church wedding and to have family and friends there, we went ahead and planned out a wedding for a time that he "might" have a break. It ended up working out well for us, he got leave and it all went off without a hitch, although we didn't know until a few days before if he could even attend.

    My bother and sister-in-law did the two weddings. One was very small and took place in a backyard with a justice of the peace. The other was 2 years later, with lots of family and friends in attendance. They now regret throwing the second wedding, because of how expensive it was and how unnecessary it was.

    I planned our entire wedding from 2000 miles away. It is difficult, but do-able. I recommend getting contracts that allow you to break or reschedule them if something happens with his orders. While we got married in an area rather far from a military base, all of our contracts allowed us to change our dates if need be and we only needed to give them up to 2 weeks notice.

    A wedding should be what you want it to be, not what everyone else expects it to be.
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    #8
    Thanks everyone! I wouldn't mind doing a court wedding now and a "real" wedding later, I would just feel better about it if at least some of our family could be here with us :/ And with the possibility of him deploying soon and he's got a month of training coming up also its just hard to figure out what we we're going to do and what's going to work out best for us in the end without any regrets.
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    #9
    I love big weddings when I attend them as a guest. I hate seeing the bills and debts that occur with big weddings.
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    #10
    Just the two of us got married at the court house with a friend as a witness. I wish my parents were there, but we just spur of the moment picked a day and went. I still want to do a big wedding, invite the entire family, etc. but I personally didn't see a point in starting marriage with a huge debt over our heads. My mom is on the side of why have a big wedding since we're already married but I really want that.... whenever we can finally afford it. Do whatever will make you happiest and screw what anyone else thinks. No one says you can't do a courthouse wedding with family and still do a big wedding later. I feel like no matter what you will have regrets whether it's about how much money you spent, did you pick the right dress, whether or not family was there, etc. That's just part of life. You could have the biggest wedding and regret your dinner menu and the fact that you had a band instead of a DJ but what matters is why you're doing it. Marriage is about love and making the vow to spend the rest of your life with someone, how it's done is a minor detail in the entire picture of things IMO.



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