To have a small wedding or wait and have the big one we want?

[AmberRenee]

Very true, thank you!

[Tojai]

I don't have any advice about one way or the other because I think each has its pros and cons and just depends on your personal preference.

But you do say at the end of you post you are worried about funding something you don't really want, and the logic of "well I think everybody else wants this so maybe I should want it to" doesn't always bear out. So if you truly don't want a big wedding, I see no reason why you should go all out for something you don't want.

[littlemissred]

It's up to you! DF and I are getting married next weekend (Courthouse) and after his deployment we will have an actual wedding. The only thing that matters is your personal feelings about it. If either you or your DF feel as if you may regret not waiting, then take your time. You get to dictate your life!

[dekeoboe]

So, it is not really the big wedding you want but a wedding with your family present. It sounds like not having your family present will be something you will regret for a long time. Only you can decide if getting married sooner is worth having that regret. Good luck making your decision, it is a tough one.

[Autumn66]

We had always said we would just have a small court wedding with just us until we could go back home and have a "real" wedding with all of our family and friends. But now that the time is getting closer to start making decisions, it makes me a little sad knowing that I wont have my parents at my wedding if we just do a quick court wedding down here first. I know that we would still eventually have a big wedding back home once we could afford one, but it just doesn't feel the same to me.
I almost want to just go back home to have a small wedding so that our families could at least be there. But then the other part of me says why waste money on something that we're not going to be fully happy with either? Every girl wants their wedding to be big with all their family and friends, with a big white dress, and a cake and a reception right? I guess I'm just torn. My mom is all about us coming back home to have a little one and having a little cookout or something for the "reception". I just think I would rather wait to spend that money on something that we actually want. And then there's the dilemma of how do you plan a wedding when you aren't even living in the same state that you plan to have it in?
I'm open to any suggestions!

I haven't had my wedding yet so I don't know how looking back on a small or big wedding would be, but if a big wedding is what you want and you guys are sure that you are going to be able to wait, then there is no harm in waiting. About planning a wedding not even living in the same state, you could talk to people on the phone and the internet and maybe travel to that state for a weekend to finalize the planning.

[AmberRenee]

Thanks ladies! I think what is going to be best for us is to just have a court wedding down here. My mom said she would come down for that weekend to at least be here for me and I'm sure if I told my dad, and his parents that they would at least be here for us. And then eventually I'd like to have a small wedding back home with our close family and friends. Nothing huge. Just a small outdoors wedding with 1 or 2 members in our bridal party, with a "cookout" so to speak at my grandparents house because they have a nice big back yard. I know that realistically we cannot afford to have something huge. I'd rather have a little something than nothing. And as long as we're married and get to be with our family then that's all that should matter.

[AmberRenee]

It's up to you! DF and I are getting married next weekend (Courthouse) and after his deployment we will have an actual wedding. The only thing that matters is your personal feelings about it. If either you or your DF feel as if you may regret not waiting, then take your time. You get to dictate your life!

Congratulations.
& thank you, you're right.

[TrishAFSpouse]

Thanks ladies! I think what is going to be best for us is to just have a court wedding down here. My mom said she would come down for that weekend to at least be here for me and I'm sure if I told my dad, and his parents that they would at least be here for us. And then eventually I'd like to have a small wedding back home with our close family and friends. Nothing huge. Just a small outdoors wedding with 1 or 2 members in our bridal party, with a "cookout" so to speak at my grandparents house because they have a nice big back yard. I know that realistically we cannot afford to have something huge. I'd rather have a little something than nothing. And as long as we're married and get to be with our family then that's all that should matter.

IMO, this sounds like a give in.. like you gave in to what your DF wanted, or the like.
I think you really want your family there, a small wedding, but with family present. That is hard to do with a court wedding.
Perhaps you didn't think it through. Is this a quick wedding? Or have you been planning a court wedding for some time?

If your mom wants to do a small wedding with a cookout, maybe she can help pay for it?

I think if you do the court house wedding with only your mom there you will end up regretting it and being upset. I think you really want a smallish wedding with family and are only settling on court house because you think you need to rush it.

Why not plan for a small wedding back home after he gets back from deployment?


We did a small (very small less than 30 ppl) wedding, and then 6 years later we did the big church wedding and reception. The small wedding I planned in a month. I called all my closest relatives and told them what we were doing. Told them we were doing a small wedding now, but a big church wedding would be after we returned to the states. I let them decide if they wanted to come to one or both. My husband's family all lived in the town we got married in, so that wasn't a big deal. For me, only my parents and one sibling lived in that town, everyone else (incl 2 siblings) were out of state. In the end, we had just under 30 total people show up, we did a small wedding, and then a little cookout at my parents house.

My hubby came home friday, we got married saturday, and he left sunday..

So, can it be done.. yes.. so long as you make it a goal.

Do I think you should do a court house wedding.. no... because i think you will regret it.
Do I think you should plan a small wedding now, and make a goal for a big one later.. yes.

[mariesnider]

My husband and I had a very very small wedding before he left for basic training. I planned it in three weeks, found a cute venue, and a guy willing to do it. Our parents, grandparents, and best friends were there. It was very special, and I wouldn't change it for anything. Sharing it with those you love really does mean a lot, and last minute wedding doesn't always have to mean courthouse. My advice is to make it what you want it, own it and get what you want. If you want a pretty dress, get one! If you want your parents there, make it work.

Now that we have been married a few months, but he's been gone the entire time-we are planning during his leave time between tech school and our first duty station (in about a month), we are having a wedding reception style party that I am inviting all my friends and extended family to. At this point, having another wedding just seems pointless (to me not to everyone) because I am already married. I'm doing what I didn't get, a party with friends and family, good food, I'm having a small wedding shower even, and a "belated bachelorette party" Haha. The "big wedding" almost never happens because life happens, and once you have your wedding, no matter how big or small, you realize the real point of it was to marry the person you love. When you already have that, the 30,000 dollars worth of frills isn't always as important. I hope you make a decision that makes you happy!

[littlemissred]

Congratulations.
& thank you, you're right.

Thank you! Honestly we did not have any friends or family attend our courthouse wedding because we are having our big wedding next year. Our wedding was about us and us only. We didn't have to worry about other people and feel obligated to entertain them. The big thing is that I absolutely want a big, fun wedding so this was our "compromise" in a way. Having just done the courthouse yesterday I can tell you that I would not have it any other way. It ended up perfect for us.

Looking back at your original post you were very clear that you want a big wedding. You can definitely put something big together in a small amount of time if that is your dream. Remember to stay true to yourself and what you want