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Thread: Alone

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    SprMom83's Avatar
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    #1

    Confused Alone

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    You know, I really try not to be the whining, complaining type but I feel I'm not sure what else to do. Maybe other people feel similar. I was a single parent from the time my now 10 yr old daughter was 18 months old when her father left us destitute. She started showing signs of her special needs issues when she was 2 and that only compounded with other issues about every 6 months from then on out. By the time she was 5 I had lost my mind and got her the help she needed. Expecting just an ADHD diagnosis I was speechless when I received 4 diagnosis, 2 medications, and a therapist within 2 weeks of her initial visit and the doctor telling me he wishes I understood how patient I have been because most would have cracked way before me. I've moved a lot growing up and that hasn't changed, ever. I've lost jobs, whether fired or had to quit or been turned down from them, several times due to the needs of my daughter for a long time. I've had repossessed vehicles, had to sell furniture, sleep in basements, move in and out with my mother, all because I have to keep putting my daughter's ever-changing needs in front of my own. I was even attacked by my ex fiance which resulted in my now having a 6 yr old. She has severe ADHD so I had to go through college while pregnant, 24 years old, my own severe health issues, a special needs 3 yr old, and worked full time as a waitress. Both pregnancies (more the first) almost killed me, literally. I have constantly putting myself at the bottom of the rung for way too long and getting the short end of the stick. My best friend calls me Mrs. Murphy because if it's going to go wrong, it will be with me. But she says she loves how I cry, dust myself off, and move forward. Now I'm with my current DH, who really is the most amazing man I have EVER met despite how much we have gone through in the last 2 years. He never went out and had friends because we were happy to just be with each other. But he's been making friends where he works and recently they've had their nights of hanging out and going places a lot in the past 3 months. So I have the overwhelming turmoil of really never having friends due to moving a lot growing up, and then everything with my daughter for the past 10 years, and my husband that's been my companion to do everything with is now going out frequently. It's not that I don't want him to go have fun. Logic and rationale says that my reaction isn't correct, plus I really do want him to have friends and have guy time. I know this is my issue and not his and he knows I'm trying to figure it out but I get angry. It's all of that colliding together. I've tried to make friends with the neighbors, invite them for dinner, have mini parties for school kids for holidays and such to even maybe meet other parents, and no one has ever invited me back to anything so I'm tired of trying. Now I'm across the country from the last place I was and actually started to make friends before we had to move for the Army. I knew what I was signing up for and I will still follow him anywhere, but I think this is adding to the years of not really having REAL friends, besides my awesome best friend of 14 years that's in Ohio, so... a good 3 days drive from here. This gets so much more complicated than this but I'm not trying to write a novel. Yes I see a therapist, yes I journal, yes I'm very into alternative meds and foods to help my daughters but that only goes so far. No I don't frequent bars and clubs, don't have the money to sign up for classes for things to meet people, no I can't do a whole lot of physical stuff due to health limitations where I can meet people, and I've reached out to people in my neighborhood. I own my own business and that keeps me insane enough on top of all the appointments for everyone and ABA therapy sessions and everything else I have to keep track of. I guess besides starting to bar hop or Google friend making websites I'm kind of at a loss and I am anything but helpless. To start feeling helpless just irritates me cuz that's not me. If anyone hasn't completely gotten bored reading this feel free to PM me or reply here. I also would appreciate no negative comments because I've had enough negativity in my life. Thanks so much.
    HE'S MY FAIRYTALE AND I'M HIS EVER AFTER
  2. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
    Tojai's Avatar
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    #2


    I agree with you that it's important for your DH to have guy time, but can he reach out to his friends at work and see if there's something he can plan for both of you? Like a double date or something? DH has been feeling lonely lately and I arranged a get together with coworkers where spouses could come, I made sure to invite him to our holiday party, etc.

    It's kind of the stock answer, but I think volunteering is a great way to meet people (and it's usually free!). It occupies your time, provides fulfillment, and you can meet people who (hopefully) have similar interests to you and that can spark a friendship. Maybe you could also look into civic organizations, since it sounds like your business is very important to you? Organizations like Rotary Club, Kiwanis, Toastmasters, etc. Sometimes there is an entry fee to join organizations but it's usually not too much and if you need to save up to join you can still always participate as a guest ...
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Tojai View Post


    I agree with you that it's important for your DH to have guy time, but can he reach out to his friends at work and see if there's something he can plan for both of you? Like a double date or something? DH has been feeling lonely lately and I arranged a get together with coworkers where spouses could come, I made sure to invite him to our holiday party, etc.

    It's kind of the stock answer, but I think volunteering is a great way to meet people (and it's usually free!). It occupies your time, provides fulfillment, and you can meet people who (hopefully) have similar interests to you and that can spark a friendship. Maybe you could also look into civic organizations, since it sounds like your business is very important to you? Organizations like Rotary Club, Kiwanis, Toastmasters, etc. Sometimes there is an entry fee to join organizations but it's usually not too much and if you need to save up to join you can still always participate as a guest ...

    That would be nice. I mentioned it to him. Of course what would be nice and what he would do or make happen are two different things. We'll see. Thanks for your thoughts
    HE'S MY FAIRYTALE AND I'M HIS EVER AFTER
  4. Senior Member
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    #4
    Has your husband offered to allow you to have nights or days when you can go and do things on your own? If he isn't then talk to him about your needs being met as well as his. It may take more than once and you should have a plan when he does agree.

    You can go to the library or Barnes and Noble and inquire about Book Clubs and see if there is anything available for you to go to and perhaps meet some other people.
    There are also knitting/crocheting groups, quilting groups etc.
    You could also check out some Senior Center groups and see if there is some kind of volunteer thing you could help with to get out and about.
    Volunteer at an animal shelter to walk/play with the dogs or help to socialize the cats so they can be more friendly towards others and be adopted.
    If you have a camera, join a photography group and if you don't, go to learn about photography and see things others have done.
    If you like stars and constellations, join an astronomy group. You don't even need a telescope and can do things with the eye or binoculars.


    Sometimes you will find yourself doing other things and find really good friends of different age groups to do things with and have a lot of fun doing it
    http://militarysos.com/forum/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=8121&dateline=1213248817 TAKEN AT NISQUALLY WILDLIFE PRESERVE

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