curious and lookin for opinions...

[FireFly10600]

my DH and I have differing views on this and I guess I am wondering what other mommies think.

our 7 year old daughter has PDD-NOS (really high functioning and along the lines of aspergers, but still has impulsive actions). She is in a regular 1st grade classroom and doesn't require much support at all while at school. It is time for their year-end field trip. Generally, I would tag along to keep track of her, but the school has plainly stated siblings are not allowed. I unfortunately can't find anyone available to watch my 4 and 2 year old.

i proudly admit i have over-protective parenting tendancies, but my dd has been known to slip away (even from me) because something caught her attention. In anycase, the school has stated that parents who join the class will be required to be responsible for a group of children in addition to their own. I am not sure i am comfortable with another parent keeping track of my daughter... while she seems very typical in so many ways, there is that impulsive tendancy that nags at my conscious. I know watching ASD kids is quite a task compared to typical kids (my 6 year old has classical ASD) and who is to say that the group my daughter gets put into isn't going to be lead by one of these really laid back parents who don't really care WHAT their child is doing (we seem to have more than our share of those in this housing area).

I sent a letter to the teacher requesting haley be placed in a group with the teacher herself or another school staff member. DH thinks I am insane and his reasoning is that we were always allowed to go on field trips as children. My arguement is that 1. that was 30 YEARS AGO and 2. we were not on the spectrum. He says i need to let go and give her a little space. I think he is an idiot. LOL.

anyway, what would you mommies do with your little ones? Do you think I am unreasonable by requesting her stay with a staff member? I think that was my better choice as the only other viable solution i could come up with is to show up at the zoo anyway with my other kids and follow the class around all day un-invited. I wasn't sure that would go over so well with the teacher since i would be blatently breaking the rules... ~Amy

[Songtan Sally]

There is another option. If you are as concerned about your daughter's safety as you appear to be, you can choose to not allow her to go on the field trip.

It's certainly not the end of the world if she doesn't go on the trip, and the zoo is a place where you can take her any time.

[FireFly10600]

Originally Posted by Songtan Sally There is another option. If you are as concerned about your daughter's safety as you appear to be, you can choose to not allow her to go on the field trip. It's certainly not the end of the world if she doesn't go on the trip, and the zoo is a place where you can take her any time.

very true and i thought about just keeping her at the school that day... we actually go to the zoo all the time. I guess it is the novelty of going with her classmates that she is excited about. i sware being a mommy is so much more difficult as the kids get older. i am NOT looking forward to the teenage years when I have to let go and hope I have guided them well enough in their younger years to make wise choices.

[Songtan Sally]

It's definitely a leap of faith. All that we can do as parents is our best; I am here to tell you that my son is now 25 years old and both he and I made it through the first 18 years with minimal damage LOL!!

[NZARMYWIFE&MUM]

My brother who is 22 this year has William Sydrome, Autism and Ashbergers......you may just have to learn to let go a bit, inform the teachers that someone has to be with her at all times. Because honestly you cant be with her all the time, use this as a tester for her. If you feel that you need to go, do so, but it wont be good for her in the long run if you treat her like a fragile object..Im not saying you do, but if a person raised their child like they are normal, then they would act like it, if a person kept their child wrapped up in cotton wool, there is no way they are going to be able to cope with things on their own as an adult. My brother has a tendancy of buying things out of a whim...hes brought a lab, he already has a Jack Russel that stays at my parents house, he told me hes not going to get him rego'd as hes going to 'train' him not to run away...I just shook my head as I know he finds something else after a while. Hes become slightly depressed as he sits behind a computer all day because hes stuck on a stupid game...hes a creature of habit, I think thats why he likes working at the meat works...uhh..when he was younger he would sit for hours outside on the grass by a patch of dirt, he would race his car around and around and around......when he had a anger swing, mum would get two pillows,put one between her and Mark and then one in front of him and rock.....some children with this disorder dont like to be physically touched or have eye contact. Mark wants a girlfriend, but hes too shy, and he doesnt want to try looking..hes had a girlfriend that my other brother set him up with, he cleaned himself up (he has a problem with not showering or washing his clothes,so he has to be reminded or he stinks really bad and he doesnt notice)...anyway enough of my blabbering

[kathy]

Amy, it'll be ok..if she gets lost..ya got 4 others !! Seriously though, Send a note with the teacher, have a talk with Haley and then take a deep breath and a leap of faith

[Donna]

Originally Posted by kathy Amy, it'll be ok..if she gets lost..ya got 4 others !! Seriously though, Send a note with the teacher, have a talk with Haley and then take a deep breath and a leap of faith

Gabe is very impulsive. I was a wreck when they went on their field trip. I was pleasantly surprised by the email that I got from his teacher after school was over.

[Songtan Sally]

If I lived nearby, I would watch your little ones for you. Unfortunately, Korea is a bit far for a baby-sitting commute!

My son missed out on two field trips in school. The first was in 3rd grade (I think that's right). At any rate, the field trip that he was so excitedly looking forward to was a trip to the local caverns. Unfortunately, two days before the trip he became very ill with a respiratory infection and as per the doctor's suggestion, I held him back from the trip. It would not have been wise to send him into cold, dank caves in his condition.

The second trip was in middle school - outside of regular classroom activities, as part of the gifted program. My son neglected to bring home the permission slip for the trip, despite being repeatedly reminded by the instructor. On the day of the trip, he called me at work and begged me to fax over permission so he could go on the trip. Since he had multiple reminders and it was an extra-curricular type of outing, I refused.

The ladies in my office were outraged and appalled but I held firm. He had ample opportunity to bring home the slip or to tell me about it so I could write a note of permission. Needless to say, he didn't forget permission slips ever again!!

The point is, whether it's physical health or safety, an inappropriate (in your mind) trip, or a matter of failure to do as instructed, or for any other reason that you, as a parent, deem unsuitable, you are not a bad mom for saying no. Field trips are extras and not essential to the educational experience, in terms of classroom objectives.

If this trip were to something that would otherwise be inaccessible, I would say to let her go but the zoo is open to everyone and is something that you can do as a family at any time.

Of course, on the other hand, the school is liable for the safety of your child and if she were to wander off, they would shoulder the blame and responsibility. If they feel that they are 100% comfortable and capable, I'd take that leap of faith. A zoo is a fairly safe environment - no gears or machines to fall into; but then again, it's also a place popular with children and potentially attractive to those who would have intent to kidnap or harm children, making it a greater concern when dealing with a child who wanders.

If it were, say, the potato chip factory, it's a place of business where generally predators aren't lurking.

In the end, you need to go with your instinct as a mother. If you really want her to go, however, you might talk with the principal. I find it odd that siblings aren't welcome on a fun zoo outing. Considering the situation unique to your daughter, I'm sure that the principal would agree to your other children tagging along. Is it the liability of transporting children other than those enrolled at the school on the district transportation? You could certainly drive your own vehicle with your other children and meet the group AT the zoo.

[Christine]

Originally Posted by FireFly10600 my DH and I have differing views on this and I guess I am wondering what other mommies think. our 7 year old daughter has PDD-NOS (really high functioning and along the lines of aspergers, but still has impulsive actions). She is in a regular 1st grade classroom and doesn't require much support at all while at school. It is time for their year-end field trip. Generally, I would tag along to keep track of her, but the school has plainly stated siblings are not allowed. I unfortunately can't find anyone available to watch my 4 and 2 year old. i proudly admit i have over-protective parenting tendancies, but my dd has been known to slip away (even from me) because something caught her attention. In anycase, the school has stated that parents who join the class will be required to be responsible for a group of children in addition to their own. I am not sure i am comfortable with another parent keeping track of my daughter... while she seems very typical in so many ways, there is that impulsive tendancy that nags at my conscious. I know watching ASD kids is quite a task compared to typical kids (my 6 year old has classical ASD) and who is to say that the group my daughter gets put into isn't going to be lead by one of these really laid back parents who don't really care WHAT their child is doing (we seem to have more than our share of those in this housing area). I sent a letter to the teacher requesting haley be placed in a group with the teacher herself or another school staff member. DH thinks I am insane and his reasoning is that we were always allowed to go on field trips as children. My arguement is that 1. that was 30 YEARS AGO and 2. we were not on the spectrum. He says i need to let go and give her a little space. I think he is an idiot. LOL. anyway, what would you mommies do with your little ones? Do you think I am unreasonable by requesting her stay with a staff member? I think that was my better choice as the only other viable solution i could come up with is to show up at the zoo anyway with my other kids and follow the class around all day un-invited. I wasn't sure that would go over so well with the teacher since i would be blatently breaking the rules... ~Amy

I just went through this today. He went to a zoo too. I was a mess. My son stayed with an aide during the entire field trip. I would stress the fact she wanders away. You're right, it's not like when we were kids now, and add the fact of PDD-NOS, it's an added stressor. I was freaking out all day. They told us (parents) we weren't allowed to drive up to the zoo. I wanted to do the same thing. I don't think you're being unreasonable about wanting her to stay with a staff member.

[Cat]

Putting her with a teacher or an aide that is familar with her disorder would probably be the best because they should or would be able to handle her just fine since they know her history of wandering away and would therefore keep a close hawks eye on her.

My son has aspergers, adhd and odd and when he goes on field trips that I cannot go to he would stay with the teacher or the teachers assistant and they were very familar with how he behaves and he usually behaves fine for them.

So I would let her go providing the teacher can put her with her or if she has a teacher assistant. I am sure she will be fine.