Autism, and custody issues - wwyd

[jjandpcb]

I can't believe I didn't think to ask here before. If anyone wants to know the full story, it's in parting ways. Now - here's one of the problems.

Chris is finally doing better and getting his therapy, going to a special needs class one day a week, will do mainstream kinder in the fall full time. We adjusted his diet, did a trial of meds, but still have trouble with the emotional tantrums. I know how to handle them now and not give in just to get thru it.

So, his father is 1400 miles away. After I filed for divorce, I wanted it so that he did get 30 days in the summer vacation, but only in 2 week intervals. Chris does NOT handle transition well - he's on a structured schedule, diet, and obviously can't just be put with any babysitter because the kid can hurt you if you don't know how to hold him till he chills out. I know the base will have resources but my gut tells me that sending him for 30 days at a time, is going to be too much for him.

New state, new house, new sitters, no structure, not the same doc (when he gets sick, he gets SICK - our ped is awesome up here). He's only 5.

H wants the kids for 30 days - he's going to fight for that. I have my reasons and I nkow he has every right to see his kids - I want them to see him - but in a way that it's in their best interest?

Would you send your kids that far away also knowing that the H has never done anything or learned anything about his treatment? This is one thing that could make the D drag out. He also hasn't tried to see them at all since he left. Not even on the webcam he has.

It's not just that, he's just an irresponsible father. He's a good playmate, but when it comes down to taking care of kids 24/7 um...no.

[BubblesofBeer]

My only suggestion is what was done when my parents divorced. The court appointed a therapist who did observations on my interactions with each parent and home visits and such and gave her professional opinion.

It's something worth looking into.

[Caimbrie]

Well it sounds like you already have your mind made up with what direction you want to take it.

You have to do what you think is best for your son.

[LaneyBug]

That is a really hard situation. I'm trying to put myself in your position...this may sound strange, but I almost think it would be better for him to keep them for the 30 day stretch, number one because for your DS it won't be 2 deviations from his schedule, and number 2 because your ex will likely decide he cannot handle 30 days anyway, or that is my guess without knowing him personally. I just know that parenting a child with Autism is draining, and if you don't know what you are getting into, it can be completely overwhelming. Now, if you don't think that he is the type who will tell you if he is overwhelmed then explain to your lawyer that you think a court appointed counselor is a good route to go.
Good luck, I know this can't be easy.