It's GENETIC and NOT my FAULT

[Aunt Sponge]

ALL THESE YEARS I've been worried and bothered by the possibility, the unknown, that my two children with my ex have their developmental disorders because of something I did wrong during pregnancy, etc etc.

Really, it's been a thorn in my side and a major worry for me for all these years! It caused me to freak out with my following pregnancies and made me a bit paranoid in their infancy and so on. It's brought me to just hate myself, a lot.

Well, today my ex husband's wife contacted me (we're in teh process of ending his parental rights and my husband's adopting my two boys from my previous marriage ) and she asked me if our two children had any learning disorders and so on because several of their children have developed a variety of issues. She explained some of the issues they have - hand flapping and other things. JUST LIKE my oldest son!!



So it's not me! It was NOTHING I did wrong. I didn't **** up or bring harm to ANY of my children! It's genetic and carried on his side of the family!! People, of course, kept telling me this for YEARS but I didn't believe any of it!

I'm crying, I'm so relieved!

Now - though I promised myself and everyone I would never communicate with her I, also, cant' leave her high-and-dry on this ebcause I KNOW that she's the only one taking care of all of their children. So I'm writing up a careful letter that might help her deal with their issues and i hope I can just keep it possitive

[*~Robyn~*]

I'm sure you can keep it positive. I'm happy you figured it out.

[SnowCrystal]

What a weight off of your shoulders!

[Aunt Sponge]

I told my husband this and he's relieved - not of my son's issues but because he knows I'm not burdoned with the guilt, anymore. It's caused so many problems and he, for years, was just unable to console or comfort me.

[navywifeplus3]

Originally Posted by Aunt Sponge ALL THESE YEARS I've been worried and bothered by the possibility, the unknown, that my two children with my ex have their developmental disorders because of something I did wrong during pregnancy, etc etc. Really, it's been a thorn in my side and a major worry for me for all these years! It caused me to freak out with my following pregnancies and made me a bit paranoid in their infancy and so on. It's brought me to just hate myself, a lot. Well, today my ex husband's wife contacted me (we're in teh process of ending his parental rights and my husband's adopting my two boys from my previous marriage ) and she asked me if our two children had any learning disorders and so on because several of their children have developed a variety of issues. She explained some of the issues they have - hand flapping and other things. JUST LIKE my oldest son!! So it's not me! It was NOTHING I did wrong. I didn't **** up or bring harm to ANY of my children! It's genetic and carried on his side of the family!! People, of course, kept telling me this for YEARS but I didn't believe any of it! I'm crying, I'm so relieved! Now - though I promised myself and everyone I would never communicate with her I, also, cant' leave her high-and-dry on this ebcause I KNOW that she's the only one taking care of all of their children. So I'm writing up a careful letter that might help her deal with their issues and i hope I can just keep it possitive

I think the guilt thing is normal. I am glad that you have been able to let that go upon discovering the genetic connection.

As for communicating with the ex's wife, I think it is very humble and gracious of you. Just focus on giving her the info/mother's perspective she needs to help her children. I'm sure you can keep it polite and positive.