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Thread: Venting Forum Use

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    #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by His*PITA* View Post
    Anyone else seeing this or is it just me?
    It's not just you.
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    #22
    Idk. I see these comments as more of "it's not a big deal, no need to get all worked up about it" rather than "no stop you can't vent about this shut up."
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    #23
    Quote Originally Posted by His*PITA* View Post
    Comments like the bolded are not going to help this conversation and are boarderline call outs. If you don't want advice, use the HR, thats what it is there for.
    I am pretty sure that is just a straight call out.


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    #24
    Quote Originally Posted by Yabos View Post
    Idk. I see these comments as more of "it's not a big deal, no need to get all worked up about it" rather than "no stop you can't vent about this shut up."
    And I'm sure it's not meant from anyone (GENERAL) as trying to be rude or hurtful. But, it's just like when someone tells me (usually IRL) in the middle of an anxiety moment to "Calm down"...what do you think I'm trying to do!? At the time, it only makes me feel even more unreasonable which really isn't going to solve anything. I know it's not the board's job to be a mindreader or counselor, but some consideration in where the OP is coming from helps.
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    #25
    Quote Originally Posted by Yabos View Post
    Idk. I see these comments as more of "it's not a big deal, no need to get all worked up about it" rather than "no stop you can't vent about this shut up."
    I think there are plenty of people who don't want to hear "it's not a big deal". That is the quickest way to invalidate someone's feelings about something.

    And, just because you (general) need to hear someone tell you to calm down, doesn't mean that everyone wants to hear that.


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    #26
    I don't think it is people suggesting that the poster shouldn't be posting about it. I think it's that people are offering perspective and suggesting that it is not something that it is reasonable to be upset about. It's not "STFU" and keep that to yourself. It's more like, "the person did nothing wrong or the situation isn't unfair in some way, and maybe it would be healthier for you if you could see that, rather than being worked up and upset and feeling like a victim when you are the one who is wrong, or no one at all is wrong and that's just Life".

    It's like some friends who say, "I'm sure that guy loves you because you are great!", while others take the time to say, "He's just not that into you", even if it is harder to say, because they think that in the long run, their friend is going to be better off. A person is better off knowing if they are over-reacting and being unreasonable, than being told "ZOMG, the person sucks and you are seeeew right to be angry", it that's the case.

    Sure, it's just venting, but it's still healthy to let someone know when they are venting about something and making into a huge injustice/insult/hardship, when in reality it is none of those things. If I posted a vent that I was upset that my parents refused to pay for a $10,000 vacation I'd picked out and begged them to pay for, would you really want everyone to tell me how mean that is, or just give me stupid hugs? Or would it be better if someone let me know that my parents weren't doing anything wrong and maybe I needed to adjust my expectations and think about my sense of entitlement? That's not snark; it's perspective.
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    #27
    Quote Originally Posted by november View Post
    I think there are plenty of people who don't want to hear "it's not a big deal". That is the quickest way to invalidate someone's feelings about something.

    And, just because you (general) need to hear someone tell you to calm down, doesn't mean that everyone wants to hear that.
    Agree times a billion. If only someone telling me to calm down worked
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    #28
    Quote Originally Posted by november View Post
    I think there are plenty of people who don't want to hear "it's not a big deal". That is the quickest way to invalidate someone's feelings about something.

    And, just because you (general) need to here someone tell you to calm down, doesn't mean that everyone wants to hear that.
    Then go talk to your close friends that KNOW that you don't want to hear that. This board has so many people that you are going to get different responses. To me, that is the best part of this board!


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    #29
    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    I don't think it is people suggesting that the poster shouldn't be posting about it. I think it's that people are offering perspective and suggesting that it is not something that it is reasonable to be upset about. It's not "STFU" and keep that to yourself. It's more like, "the person did nothing wrong or the situation isn't unfair in some way, and maybe it would be healthier for you if you could see that, rather than being worked up and upset and feeling like a victim when you are the one who is wrong, or no one at all is wrong and that's just Life".

    It's like some friends who say, "I'm sure that guy loves you because you are great!", while others take the time to say, "He's just not that into you", even if it is harder to say, because they think that in the long run, their friend is going to be better off. A person is better off knowing if they are over-reacting and being unreasonable, than being told "ZOMG, the person sucks and you are seeeew right to be angry", it that's the case.

    Sure, it's just venting, but it's still healthy to let someone know when they are venting about something and making into a huge injustice/insult/hardship, when in reality it is none of those things. If I posted a vent that I was upset that my parents refused to pay for a $10,000 vacation I'd picked out and begged them to pay for, would you really want everyone to tell me how mean that is, or just give me stupid hugs? Or would it be better if someone let me know that my parents weren't doing anything wrong and maybe I needed to adjust my expectations and think about my sense of entitlement? That's not snark; it's perspective.
    ALL of this. Perfectly stated.
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    #30
    Quote Originally Posted by Katayoun View Post
    Agree times a billion. If only someone telling me to calm down worked
    ahhhh you quoted me before I corrected "hear"


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