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Thread: Enlighten me please

  1. Regular Member
    valleygirl17's Avatar
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    #11
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    Good morning! Yes, I have different citizenship and I already lodged my applications and did the test, now waiting for the result. I live in this country for 11 years now, and we have plan to retire somewhere in Australia. We broke up earlier this year and my birthday was in August, so itís more than few weeks. Yes, I did ask him the reason. He told me to make a relationship and a marriage work, sometimes we have to make sacrifices and compromise. I work in marketing/Public relations, if I canít find any jobs I can do volunteer works. Most of my income goes to savings and after we get married I will get access to my trust fund, itís part of my dowry. Iím lucky I have a generous parents, if I sell the house, weíll get extra cash from that sale as well. So, I have a little freedom.
    Discerning for marriage isnít an easy task. I donít want to marry the wrong person so I prayed and prayed everyday. He cameback. He makes me feel peace and joy when we are together. Heís my best friend. I feel safe when heís around, we have the same goal, he respects me when I told him I want to save myself for my future husband, heís generous and fair. Sometimes I feel I donít deserve him. When he told me we will raise our kids as a Catholic, I knew Iím going to say yes. I would never agree to marry him if I think he can endanger our future kids or myself. Thank you for your concern tho.

    CDNTrish, I donít think youíre old and bitter. You have more experience than me and Iím grateful for your advice and concerns.

    Villanelle, I canít start those process until I have the marriage certificate, am I correct? Also this is a stupid question, do I need to go through the same screening process if he gets orders to the state? Thanks
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    #12
    I was raised Catholic. I went through baptism, communion, and confirmation. DH was raised nondenominational. I didn't think the messages we were hearing at church were THAT different. Though the the way service was held was super different. However, it's not a big deal to us as long as our child is raised with morals and a sense of right and wrong. I guess I can't really relate to you too much there.

    For our finances, everything is combined. We had/have no debt (unless you count one car payment).

    Finding a job in your field at certain duty stations may be a problem. Look at the 3 North Carolina Marine bases: Camp Lejeune, New River, and Cherry Point. Jobs are scarce here, and most professional jobs will be teaching or in the medical field. Same goes with Twentynine Palms. Are you prepared to take a huge pay cut because you get stuck at a base in an undesirable location?




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    #13
    Quote Originally Posted by valleygirl17 View Post
    Good morning! Yes, I have different citizenship and I already lodged my applications and did the test, now waiting for the result. I live in this country for 11 years now, and we have plan to retire somewhere in Australia. We broke up earlier this year and my birthday was in August, so it’s more than few weeks. Yes, I did ask him the reason. He told me to make a relationship and a marriage work, sometimes we have to make sacrifices and compromise. I work in marketing/Public relations, if I can’t find any jobs I can do volunteer works. Most of my income goes to savings and after we get married I will get access to my trust fund, it’s part of my dowry. I’m lucky I have a generous parents, if I sell the house, we’ll get extra cash from that sale as well. So, I have a little freedom.
    Discerning for marriage isn’t an easy task. I don’t want to marry the wrong person so I prayed and prayed everyday. He cameback. He makes me feel peace and joy when we are together. He’s my best friend. I feel safe when he’s around, we have the same goal, he respects me when I told him I want to save myself for my future husband, he’s generous and fair. Sometimes I feel I don’t deserve him. When he told me we will raise our kids as a Catholic, I knew I’m going to say yes. I would never agree to marry him if I think he can endanger our future kids or myself. Thank you for your concern tho.

    CDNTrish, I don’t think you’re old and bitter. You have more experience than me and I’m grateful for your advice and concerns.

    Villanelle, I can’t start those process until I have the marriage certificate, am I correct? Also this is a stupid question, do I need to go through the same screening process if he gets orders to the state? Thanks
    You can be ready to go, but you can't start the official process. That means being current on all vaccinations, having a current dental cleaning and resolving any dental issues, having a current pap smear, and a TB and HIV test. (You may not need the last two, but better to have and not need than to need and slow down the process.)

    I noticed you haven't commented on the posts that say he needs to be eligible to get sponsorship for you. That's a huge thing and you need to do that ASAP because your entire plan (to move to Japan) hinges on that, unless whatever citizenship you currently hold has different visa requirements/allowances for Japan. And I incorrectly assumed you had AU citizenship when I answered about whether it could affect his clearance. Since it isn't AU and you haven't said where, yes, it could in theory cause issues, small or large.

    For orders to the States, in nearly every location, there is not a medical screen (there are a few exceptions, and Hawaii and Alaska are different). The thing you are going to need to be more concerned about is the legalities of going to the US without citizenship or a green card. You will almost certainly need to find an immigration lawyer. Whether you are an AU citizen by then or still a citizen of your birth country (do you plan to formally renounce that? It will make a difference.), you are still going to need to figure out how to legally go to the US. Just because you have an American husband doesn't mean you can enter the US and stay if you aren't a citizen. There is paperwork to do and there are hoops to jump through.

    And finding a job in the US if you aren't a citizen could be complicated and more challenging, too. Again, something to look in to and ask your immigration lawyer about. S/he should be able to tell you what your official status would be and whether that allows you to work (or under what restrictions).

    It seems like you are just assuming you can go to Japan once married. No, you need your clearance, and that isn't a sure thing. If you have any chronic medical conditions (even things like asthma), or if you have current or recent treatment for any mental health challenges, you *may* fail, in which case you can't go. And, as mentioned, he needs to qualify to change to accompanied orders (which may or may not require staying longer in Japan, which may or may not hurt his career progression). And you seem to be assuming that once you are married, you can go to the States once he's stationed there. Again, that is not the case and there is a process. Start looking very seriously into both those things.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
  4. Senior Member
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    #14
    Quote Originally Posted by CDNTrish View Post
    I'm assuming you have a citizenship other than Australian or American, and are trying to become an Australian citizen and he is a US Service member. Correct?

    Why do you think becoming an Australian citizen will make it easier?

    It also seems like a huge jump to go from breaking up to engaged within a few weeks. Why the sudden rush? I would be very skeptical of a sudden 180 change in behaviour and/or attitudes towards a *Big* thing, and religion to me is a big thing. Will he resent you down the line? You both seemed steadfast in your commitment to remaining in your respective faiths, have you asked him why he changed his mind? I would honestly start there before any pre-nup talk etc.

    Also, have you talked about what you will do once you move to be with him? Once the novelty wears off, it can suck to sit at home alone unemployed. What's your game plan there? And since you will not be working, do you have enough of a safety net to support yourself should things go south?

    I don't know, maybe I'm old and bitter, but quitting your job and moving to another country for a man you broke up with seems like a terrible idea.
    I keep typing a very similar response but not posting it.
    What she said 100%

    Marriage is very rarely so binary that problems can be solved with "you get your way here, I'll get the next one." I'm seeing an unwillingness to compromise, and that's just something that will make being married very difficult.

    Our money is combined, but that's us, what works for us may not work for you.
    ďThere is a time in every man's education when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance; that imitation is suicideĒ


    ― Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self Reliance
  5. Regular Member
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    #15
    Idratherbehiking: Emotionally? Im not ready yet, but i will find a way to cope.

    Vilanelle: Yes, I will renounce my current citizenship. I will not do any legal process until i get my AU citizenship, by all means, Iím in no rush to get married, I just need to know what will happen and things i need to do. Iím aware I have to obtain appropriate visa to enter US legally and itís a long process. I called the embassy and they said I can get fiance visa then apply for adjustment once we get married, I can work legally in the US. But to make sure, I will see an immigration lawyer. Meanwhile i can get police check from my home country all other suppporting documents, after we had ďthe talkĒ. I dont know if heís eligible for sponsorhip, again, he just asked if i want to get back together. I will ask him when we meet tho, thank you for pointing this out. I donít have any medical conditions and I had most of the vaccines needed (I will get the rest). Thank God, I keep every pictures, every flight tickets and other sentimental stuff as proof that we are a genuine couple. I mentioned moving to Japan because I thought we must go to the states together, I was wrong.

    Medic2doula: Faith is important to me, so yes, Iím not willing to compromise in this matter. I told him all my expectations and my limits. He choose to comeback to me, I didnít force him to do things he doesnít want to do. But we have similar thoughts/approach in other stuff, if not, I wouldnít consider to marry him.
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