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Thread: In Laws (Advice and Story Sharing)

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    villanelle's Avatar
    villanelle is offline
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    #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by rocket_lizz View Post
    DH is great at setting boundaries from afar (over the phone) but if he meets in-person resistance he caves pretty easily so I think we'll have to practice what to do if they like, say they will stay 2 nights and then when they're here, say "oh we'll just stay one more night since we're already here" But at least he sets the initial boundaries!
    I'm a person who definitely does better in tense situations if I have scripts. And I'm prepared to repeat some version of those scripts over and over and over, even if it feels weird. Usually, someone keeps asking the same questions hoping that the awkwardness will get the other person to change the answer. Instead, owning the awkwardness, and not caring because you are ready to say the same thing over and over eventually makes them cave. So this might begood for your DH. Think through the things they are most likely to pull, and have answers ready.

    "A third day? Sorry, we already talked about only doing two." "But blah blah just one more blah." "We are going to have to just stick with two, mom." "------" "I understand you want to stay longer, but two is our limit." "-------" "We've talked about this, mom. We agreed to limit it to two days, and I'm going to have to stick with that." Etc, etc,. And then finally. "Enough, mom. I've given my answer. I'm not going to discuss this any more. the final answer is two days." walk away

    And then figure out what else they are likely to argue, and come up with basic, one or two sentence answers that can be paraphrased and repeated over and over and over.

    Don't discuss, don't engage, don't explain, because all of those open the door to arguments and exceptions. Just repeat the answer, with no real explanation, over and over and over.

    I hope this is a turning point for you guys.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    TriggerHappy is offline
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    #22
    They're okay people. I only really talk to them concerning my child. They've never done anything awful to me. In fact, most of the interactions was about how theyre getting divorced and so they ask their son (my husband) "what do". I think its inappropriate, but it is what it is.

    MIL did favor all of DH's opinions/suggestions when our son was born/when she was visiting. That annoyed me to hell because it felt like none of my opinions/actions mattered in a time where I just given birth and was trying to adjust as a new mom with new responsibilities.
    Like, my kid shit all the way up to his hair, hubby said just rinse dont use soap, MIL decided to butt in and say the same; I about almost told them to shit all the way up to their hair and just rinse it out with water.

    Bet you 100% they'd use soap.

    I still proceeded to wash him properly.

    DH does have my back more now than ever after a lot of communication.
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