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Thread: Pros & Cons of marriage before deployment.

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    #1

    Pros & Cons of marriage before deployment.

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    DB and I have been discussing getting married before his impending deployment (Nov). We have talked about our own positives and negatives with regards to this idea, but I'm curious to hear input from others who have already been there or know what it looks like on the other side. Though DB and I have already been through one deployment together, I know marriage changes that quite a bit. Regardless of whether we decide to get married before deployment or not, we are going to remain in a committed relationship. Any pros & cons you can think of or suggestions you have would be welcomed!
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    #2
    Get married because you want to get married, don't do it because he's deploying. The only time I think it's reasonable to get married before a deployment is when you already have a wedding planned for after. If you weren't even engaged before this came up you'll regret it.
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Heisenberg View Post
    Get married because you want to get married, don't do it because he's deploying.
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    I should add that we aren't super traditional. I have never wanted an elaborate ceremony. My intention has always been to go to court, sign the documents, and have a small gathering at a family member's house. I don't find much of a need for the theatrics of it all (including engagement). The marriage would happen regardless (because we want to get married), we are just debating on whether to do it before deployment or after. The only real difference is our legal status going forward. That is the part I am trying to weigh.
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by AtomicBlonde View Post
    DB and I have been discussing getting married before his impending deployment (Nov). We have talked about our own positives and negatives with regards to this idea, but I'm curious to hear input from others who have already been there or know what it looks like on the other side. Though DB and I have already been through one deployment together, I know marriage changes that quite a bit. Regardless of whether we decide to get married before deployment or not, we are going to remain in a committed relationship. Any pros & cons you can think of or suggestions you have would be welcomed!
    If you’re making a pro and con list of getting married I think you have your answer...

    What are your negatives to getting married?


    life's a party, rock your body
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    #6
    The pros and cons are specific to before deployment vs after deployment.

    Pre-deployment: we could start saving for a house more effectively, however, the crucial "honeymoon period" we would be apart.

    Post- deployment: more time to plan for our little house party, honeymoon, and we would be able to be with each other for a bit post-marriage, but we would still be separated through deployment and not able to save as much.

    There are many more than that, but that is an example. The option-weighing has very little to do with our plans to get married to each other. More to do with our timeframe.
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by AtomicBlonde View Post
    I should add that we aren't super traditional. I have never wanted an elaborate ceremony. My intention has always been to go to court, sign the documents, and have a small gathering at a family member's house. I don't find much of a need for the theatrics of it all (including engagement). The marriage would happen regardless (because we want to get married), we are just debating on whether to do it before deployment or after. The only real difference is our legal status going forward. That is the part I am trying to weigh.
    Yeah but like, if you didn't already have plans to get married, don't do it now. Not discussions about getting married one day in the future, actual plans to get married. Ask any ex military spouse (there are millions of us) and you'll get the same answer.
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    #8
    Do a little digging through this forum and you'll see this question gets asked (and answered) a lot.

    Get married because you love each other. If you're already going through pros/cons right now and aren't sure about it, then you shouldn't do it.
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by AtomicBlonde View Post
    I should add that we aren't super traditional. I have never wanted an elaborate ceremony. My intention has always been to go to court, sign the documents, and have a small gathering at a family member's house. I don't find much of a need for the theatrics of it all (including engagement). The marriage would happen regardless (because we want to get married), we are just debating on whether to do it before deployment or after. The only real difference is our legal status going forward. That is the part I am trying to weigh.
    Quote Originally Posted by AtomicBlonde View Post
    The pros and cons are specific to before deployment vs after deployment.

    Pre-deployment: we could start saving for a house more effectively, however, the crucial "honeymoon period" we would be apart.

    Post- deployment: more time to plan for our little house party, honeymoon, and we would be able to be with each other for a bit post-marriage, but we would still be separated through deployment and not able to save as much.

    There are many more than that, but that is an example. The option-weighing has very little to do with our plans to get married to each other. More to do with our timeframe.
    Your major pro is getting benefits while he's gone. It sounds like you were always planning to get married, so I think you have your answer.




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    #10
    If it were me, I wouldn't want to be apart 6+ months during the first year of marriage. I'd wait until after.

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