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Thread: Depression... with first time being apart

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    #1

    Depression... with first time being apart

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    Hi all,
    I'm new to this website and have gone through to look at some of the posts that have already been responded to. However, I couldn't find anything with my situation. This may be lengthy and I'm sorry but this is some background to my situation. Ive been with my DB for almost a year and recently he got sent to training, I know he hasn't been deployed or anything of that sort so I was given a date to when he'd be back home and I know he's just doing training. But I have a history of depression before I met him, and when I met him I was able to push through those moments he became my best friend and helped me get through so much and now that he's gone the depression is back and I'm trying to fight it. I have given medication a chance in the past along with therapy before I met him and neither worked out for me; at the moment I'm trying to stay distracted but I'm having trouble because I can't focus on any activities that I've tried. This time without him is not a lot especially knowing deployment can take him away for up to years but it feels as if time was stopped and I'm reliving the same day that he left. I feel like crying 24/7 and i feel a sense of panic cause it feels as if time has stopped and the date of his return feels like it's never going to come.
    If someone could give any advice I would really appreciate it.
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    #2
    Although depression isn't my particular bag, I will give you what I've got.
    Don't drink, alcohol and pretty much any other mental issue don't mix.
    I know some of the problems I have get worse when I don't take my emotions at face value and make them worse---for example, being mad at something is okay, but being angry that you are mad is of no use.
    And I know depression is more than being sad, so I don't mean to sound like I'm minimizing it.

    The creator of Rick and Morty says if you are depressed, get it out in art or writing, create something. Even if you just write down that you want to die, it lifts your load a little bit.

    Sorry if I'm not much help, I know mental shit sucks, but I'm not really experienced in dealing with depression.
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    i appreciate your advice and though i don't take to drinking, I have tried taking to artwork to cope with his absence, I just can't always focus on it. It's kinda like a hit and miss thing where sometimes it does help me pass time and other times it doesn't. Just this morning he called me telling me that his phone was going to be taken away and hearing his voice warmed my heart it made me so happy that for a split second I didnt just know I would be ok but I actually FELT ok. But as soon as the call ended I felt devastated cause I knew we would no longer have communication. and ever since then I feel like I'm back in square one to the day he initially left to training and that time just stopped there and I'm reliving the same day on repeat not getting any closer to the date he's coming back....
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    Depression is a bitch. Find fulfillment. Hobbies, interests, connect with people, go to school, find a job, whatever makes you feel fulfilled and accomplished, do more of that. Depression makes you more aware of what you do not have. Combat that with filling your life with things you enjoy. From a Marriage and Family Therapist Trainee you can DM me if you'd like. I'm not a milso anymore but I remember the daunting emptiness that is separation. But right now is a time for you to focus on YOU and accomplish your goals.
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by moni0618 View Post
    Hi all,
    I'm new to this website and have gone through to look at some of the posts that have already been responded to. However, I couldn't find anything with my situation. This may be lengthy and I'm sorry but this is some background to my situation. Ive been with my DB for almost a year and recently he got sent to training, I know he hasn't been deployed or anything of that sort so I was given a date to when he'd be back home and I know he's just doing training. But I have a history of depression before I met him, and when I met him I was able to push through those moments he became my best friend and helped me get through so much and now that he's gone the depression is back and I'm trying to fight it. I have given medication a chance in the past along with therapy before I met him and neither worked out for me; at the moment I'm trying to stay distracted but I'm having trouble because I can't focus on any activities that I've tried. This time without him is not a lot especially knowing deployment can take him away for up to years but it feels as if time was stopped and I'm reliving the same day that he left. I feel like crying 24/7 and i feel a sense of panic cause it feels as if time has stopped and the date of his return feels like it's never going to come.
    If someone could give any advice I would really appreciate it.
    Quote Originally Posted by moni0618 View Post
    i appreciate your advice and though i don't take to drinking, I have tried taking to artwork to cope with his absence, I just can't always focus on it. It's kinda like a hit and miss thing where sometimes it does help me pass time and other times it doesn't. Just this morning he called me telling me that his phone was going to be taken away and hearing his voice warmed my heart it made me so happy that for a split second I didnt just know I would be ok but I actually FELT ok. But as soon as the call ended I felt devastated cause I knew we would no longer have communication. and ever since then I feel like I'm back in square one to the day he initially left to training and that time just stopped there and I'm reliving the same day on repeat not getting any closer to the date he's coming back....
    I have dealt with depression so I feel you. One thing I learned early on in my husband's military career is that you cannot depend on your significant other for your happiness. If you do that then you will always feel empty when he's gone, and he will definitely be gone a lot.You have to find your own ways to keep yourself happy and fulfilled. That really goes for any relationship whether or not it's a military relationship.




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    Thank you... I know I can get through, I had a history of depression before I met him and struggled with it for 2-3 years before him so I know I can do this, but I guess I got accustomed to leaning on him that now that I can't, I feel like I'm back to being a baby trying to learn how to walk again and I keep falling from one side to the other. So far I've found that working out helps but my body gets exhausted and my mind just keeps racing and that's usually when I break down... I just want to learn to Live my life not just exist in this world... I hate this emptiness feeling but I really love him and that's the only thing that keeps me going.
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    #7
    I've dealt with depression and anxiety for the majority of my adult life that also began before I started dating DB. My best advice to you is to find a therapist or a counselor. My therapist was incredible in helping me handle my depression and she really helped me through all of DB's deployments. Having someone to talk to and help distinguish between negative feelings and reality saved me.

    I hope things get better for you! Stay strong!
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    If therapy didn't work, try another therapist. And another. Not every therapist is a good fit for every person, and sometimes it can take several tries. But since this is an on going issue, it really should be addressed.

    It isn't healthy for you to have your entire mental well-being tied to one person, and that's even more true when the person is most likely going to be gone a lot. And it's not fair or healthy to put that pressure on your partner, either.

    Hobbies and reading and distractions are great, but if it is a true, deep depression, it may not be realistic to think you can just bootstrap your way out of it. That's a bit like telling a depressed person to just think more positively. it ignores the fact that there are much deeper issues at play, an possibly physical ones (chemicals, hormones, etc.), too.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    If therapy didn't work, try another therapist. And another. Not every therapist is a good fit for every person, and sometimes it can take several tries. But since this is an on going issue, it really should be addressed.

    It isn't healthy for you to have your entire mental well-being tied to one person, and that's even more true when the person is most likely going to be gone a lot. And it's not fair or healthy to put that pressure on your partner, either.

    Hobbies and reading and distractions are great, but if it is a true, deep depression, it may not be realistic to think you can just bootstrap your way out of it. That's a bit like telling a depressed person to just think more positively. it ignores the fact that there are much deeper issues at play, an possibly physical ones (chemicals, hormones, etc.), too.
    I am very much going to go with this. At one duty station I become more depressed than my normal states...I got some help and it wasn't bad but after I had my son i realized i was having issues again...it was the second one who I did much better with and what I learned from those sessions I have been taking with me and been doing so much better and been able to keep myself more in check.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kirst View Post
    Depression is a bitch. Find fulfillment. Hobbies, interests, connect with people, go to school, find a job, whatever makes you feel fulfilled and accomplished, do more of that. Depression makes you more aware of what you do not have. Combat that with filling your life with things you enjoy. From a Marriage and Family Therapist Trainee you can DM me if you'd like. I'm not a milso anymore but I remember the daunting emptiness that is separation. But right now is a time for you to focus on YOU and accomplish your goals.
    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    If therapy didn't work, try another therapist. And another. Not every therapist is a good fit for every person, and sometimes it can take several tries. But since this is an on going issue, it really should be addressed.

    It isn't healthy for you to have your entire mental well-being tied to one person, and that's even more true when the person is most likely going to be gone a lot. And it's not fair or healthy to put that pressure on your partner, either.

    Hobbies and reading and distractions are great, but if it is a true, deep depression, it may not be realistic to think you can just bootstrap your way out of it. That's a bit like telling a depressed person to just think more positively. it ignores the fact that there are much deeper issues at play, an possibly physical ones (chemicals, hormones, etc.), too.
    Very good advice, IMO.


    I have battled depression in the past and anxiety is a daily battle for me. I'm not you, but I can tell you that both of those posts above have great advice in what helps. Also, not all counselors work for everyone. Different counselors have different approaches so you won't always establish a good rapport with a counselor - that's okay and to be expected. If you don't feel you need counseling or want it then you seriously need to do something to focus on bettering and empowering yourself. At first it's going to feel like you are numb and only going through the motions - that will change with time. Day by day you'll get stronger and more positive and your perception will gradually adjust.

    Also, do you have any kind of support network nearby? Friends? Family? Church group?


    Feel free to MSG me if you ever need someone to talk to.

    Let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth. - 1 John 3:18
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