Military Significant Others and Spouse Support - MilitarySOS.com
Results 1 to 6 of 6

Thread: Confused, scared, and lost

  1. Fresh Newbie
    Megan8836's Avatar
    Megan8836 is offline
    Fresh Newbie
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Posts
    2
    #1

    Confused, scared, and lost

    Advertisements
    I am new to the site, I thought I could handle this all on my own without any kind of help from anyone. I am adjusting to the life of being separated from my boyfriend while also being in college. I am madly in love with him, but I often find that I am questioning if I am strong enough to live this kind of lifestyle. Early on in the relationship I was just fine, but now I have an anxiety attack a day. Is it normal to question our own ability to live this kind of life? I am really struggling because I have no one I can really talk to at home, none of my family members have never been in this position. Any words of wisdom as to how I get over the idea that I'm not strong enough?
  2. OG Member
    April Lynne's Avatar
    April Lynne is offline
    OG Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Houston, Tx area
    Posts
    18,486
    Blog Entries
    5
    #2
    Stop, take a deep breath. Rinse and repeat.

    You sound like you're making things a lot more dramatic than they actually are and causing yourself more stress than necessary. You may not be doing it on purpose but you just need to see the big picture, if you love this guy then once you're done with school or he's done with the military you will be close to each other again and no separation is permanent. I would suggest finding things you enjoy doing to keep yourself busy and to work out some sort of communication schedule that you're both comfortable with so that no one feels as though they have been abandoned.


  3. The name says it all!
    ALil2Naughty's Avatar
    ALil2Naughty is offline
    The name says it all!
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Loki's chambers
    Posts
    26,360

    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by April Lynne View Post
    Stop, take a deep breath. Rinse and repeat.

    You sound like you're making things a lot more dramatic than they actually are and causing yourself more stress than necessary. You may not be doing it on purpose but you just need to see the big picture, if you love this guy then once you're done with school or he's done with the military you will be close to each other again and no separation is permanent. I would suggest finding things you enjoy doing to keep yourself busy and to work out some sort of communication schedule that you're both comfortable with so that no one feels as though they have been abandoned.

    DH: Thank you. ME: For what, babe? DH: For being you.




  4. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
    Tojai's Avatar
    Tojai is offline
    Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    St. Pete FL
    Posts
    30,026


    #4
    I agree with April that a communication schedule is a good idea! Of course life happens, but it's good to set expectations so at least you have a baseline. One of the things that really helped me when DH was deployed was to just remember - if he could contact me, he would. Each of you making a commitment would maybe help you not to feel abandoned. It is SO helpful to have a mindset of positive intent from each other.

    One thing that did stand out to me in your post - even though separation is very hard, it is not normal (imo) to be having daily anxiety attacks. Many colleges have health resources available for students, so it might be good to look into those resources and see if there is someone you can speak with to help you manage those feelings and develop some coping strategies. I had to seek professional help when DH was deployed due to the effects it was having on my health and I'm really glad I made that decision - it made things a lot easier on me. Also, I would not hesitate to reach out to friends/family when you need support. Very few of my friends (and none of my family) had that experience of an SO being deployed but that did not stop them from being there for me at all. People don't have to have direct experience with every specific situation to provide support, kwim?
  5. Senior Member
    villanelle's Avatar
    villanelle is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    14,790
    #5
    When you say you are having panic attacks, do you mean that literally? If so, I encourage you to see some professional assistance with that, ASAP.

    Also, it's very normal to question whether you are up for this life. Depending on your goals and priorities in life, you may not be, and that's perfectly okay. Not every lifestyle is a good fit for every person.

    And please do reach out to friends and family members. I've never been a mother, and yet I m able to offer support and love to my friends dealing with parenting struggles. It doesn't take a shared experience to be a good listener and supported. That said, if someone I cared about told me she was having daily panic attacks about her relationship, it would be hard for me to support that relationship. I'd support my friend, but that might mean telling her that it sounds like while this man may be a good fit, the circumstances are, and you need both for a healthy relationship.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
  6. Regular Member
    Jones5's Avatar
    Jones5 is offline
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Location
    Philadelphia
    Posts
    52
    Blog Entries
    1
    #6

    Confused

    Yeah, stop and take a deep breath. Anxiety isn't good! Any time I feel anxiety I start taking backwards steps. Which for the many relationships that I'm involved in isn't good especially when DG makes note that overall our stability is compromised on good communication and food. Behave and find some new extra curriculum activities to take you mind of the pressures of missing him.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •