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Thread: Long Distance Intamacy Difficulty

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    #1

    Long Distance Intamacy Difficulty

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    My husband and I have been together since 2015. Since he has been in the Army and we have been in two different states the separation has been difficult on him. The only toll it takes on me is that fact that he gets angry when I am not 'in the mood'. Being 2000 miles away makes it hard to keep an intimate kind of coversation going. I'm starting to wonder if something is wrong with me. I understand this is a very private issue but I need advice on how to deal with the expectation of fulling that need.
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    I'd try to identify why you aren't if it is bothering you. Is it a new feeling or has it been the entire time you two have been long distance? Some people just deal with the separation differently. Have you talked about it with your husband at all? It's unfair of him to get mad at you for something you have little control over and are trying to understand yourself.
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    Have you two communicated openly about expectations? Is it when you're together or just when you're apart?

    DB's currently deployed for over a year so that's a LONG time for us to go but we're almost at the half-way point...I personally think there's a lot more to long distance intimacy than sex...I feel close to him despite the distance because we talk about everything from the stupid things that happen during the days to our long-term life plans when he's back to whatever we're feeling (current mood, hopes, fears, issues, funny moments, whatever) that keeps us feeling connected and intimate despite the distance.
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    The feeling has always been there but it becomes more difficult when we are separated just because there is no chance of doing anything. When we are together it is easier to be more physical just because we are in each others presence. We talk about it often but no real solutions ever come from the conversation. It just becomes a "You are never in the mood" conversations.
    A lot of the reason is I go to college full time and the workload is pretty unbearable and whenever I try to make time for him it is always an inconvenient time to do anything or he has friends over. It is hit or miss on matching moods. I've been trying to figure out why I am not for a while but any article I look up just say it is normal but it doesn't feel normal.
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    I try to talk about the small things but I always get how boring of a day he has had. I hear second hand from his family and friends about actual events.
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    Quote Originally Posted by TPreston1 View Post
    The feeling has always been there but it becomes more difficult when we are separated just because there is no chance of doing anything. When we are together it is easier to be more physical just because we are in each others presence. We talk about it often but no real solutions ever come from the conversation. It just becomes a "You are never in the mood" conversations.
    A lot of the reason is I go to college full time and the workload is pretty unbearable and whenever I try to make time for him it is always an inconvenient time to do anything or he has friends over. It is hit or miss on matching moods. I've been trying to figure out why I am not for a while but any article I look up just say it is normal but it doesn't feel normal.
    I'm with you there, if we're apart and there's no chance of it leading to actual stuff I am not into it. Some people are into it some aren't. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you if you aren't. It means you have different needs/wants than your partner. Through communication you can come up with some kind of compromise that makes sure both your needs are met. For me being far away I like to feel close to him by communicating openly about everything. That to me makes me feel closer to him than sexy Skype. If he wants a pic or something I will do that but for the most part we don't because he already stays up til 2am his time just to talk to me while I'm driving home from work so it's pretty hard to have any sort of sexy time in that situation. I know he's attracted me, I never doubt that, but we're apart right now and that's how it is. When we were planning R&R the only time work would OK me being gone that fell in his R&R window is during my period and I was super upset about that, and he was like, we have our entire lives together, we live together, we can have tons of sex, the important thing is just spending the week with you, holding you, hugging you, talking to you, laughing with you, I miss you not sex. The sex is just the bonus not why we're together.

    That to me is soooo important. It's the bonus, not the priority. The rest of the relationship is the important stuff, the intimacy, the connection, the partnership not sex.
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by TPreston1 View Post
    The feeling has always been there but it becomes more difficult when we are separated just because there is no chance of doing anything. When we are together it is easier to be more physical just because we are in each others presence. We talk about it often but no real solutions ever come from the conversation. It just becomes a "You are never in the mood" conversations.
    A lot of the reason is I go to college full time and the workload is pretty unbearable and whenever I try to make time for him it is always an inconvenient time to do anything or he has friends over. It is hit or miss on matching moods. I've been trying to figure out why I am not for a while but any article I look up just say it is normal but it doesn't feel normal.
    Quote Originally Posted by TPreston1 View Post
    I try to talk about the small things but I always get how boring of a day he has had. I hear second hand from his family and friends about actual events.
    It sounds like there are some other, larger issues beyond intimacy over the distance.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski

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