Military Significant Others and Spouse Support - MilitarySOS.com
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 16

Thread: Finding Ex-Wife Items in HHGs Move

  1. Regular Member
    myrin's Avatar
    myrin is offline
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    Posts
    74
    #1

    Finding Ex-Wife Items in HHGs Move

    Advertisements
    DHs and his ex had a horrible split. But were going through a box of packed things and its obviously not my items and they arent his.

    One thing in particular that struck out to me was a nativity figure set (that appears hand made). I know his ex was religious (as am I) and I think that if our situations were reversed, Id hope my ex sent these items back to me. She basically had a day to collect all her things and move out due to circumstances and its understandable things were overlooked. And DH has completely cut off communication with her.

    Her (parents) address is readily available via google. I dont know. I feel really badly throwing these out. Its obviously theres some sentiment behind the set from how they were packed and what they were packed in.

    What would you ladies do? I just worry if I mail it behind DHs back (routing it through an address states away) its somehow going to get back to him. If he had his way, hed have already smashed them all. It just feels wrong to throw away a nativity scene, let alone break all the figures out of spite.
  2. Moderator
    TheSisterWife's Avatar
    TheSisterWife is offline
    Moderator
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    20,565

    #2
    Normally I would say "never suppress a generous thought," and say you should send it. HOWEVER, in this case, I would not do so without having him on board, out of respect. If you are certain he wouldn't agree with sending them to her, I would donate them. I'd probably say something like "Hey, I found this while I was unpacking, and it looks like something of personal value. Would you mind if I send these to her parents? Or should we just donate them?" Giving it as an either/or option might help negate the "crushing them maliciously" option.
  3. Moderator
    twistertwin's Avatar
    twistertwin is offline
    Moderator
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Valdosta, GA
    Posts
    8,576


    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by TheSisterWife View Post
    Normally I would say "never suppress a generous thought," and say you should send it. HOWEVER, in this case, I would not do so without having him on board, out of respect. If you are certain he wouldn't agree with sending them to her, I would donate them. I'd probably say something like "Hey, I found this while I was unpacking, and it looks like something of personal value. Would you mind if I send these to her parents? Or should we just donate them?" Giving it as an either/or option might help negate the "crushing them maliciously" option.
    Absolutely agree. I think that it should be sent back and youre a dear for thinking of her. I would phrase it like Sister said and see how that goes. I think thats a kind way to allow him to be receptive, while not going behind his back.
  4. Senior Member
    villanelle's Avatar
    villanelle is online now
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    14,788
    #4
    I would make this DH's call. I'd gently make the case for what I thought the right thing was and tell him I'd take care of it if he wanted, but tell him I'd respect his wishes. And I would.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
  5. Regular Member
    Jones5's Avatar
    Jones5 is offline
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Location
    Philadelphia
    Posts
    51
    Blog Entries
    1
    #5

    Neener

    Quote Originally Posted by myrin View Post
    DHs and his ex had a horrible split. But were going through a box of packed things and its obviously not my items and they arent his.

    One thing in particular that struck out to me was a nativity figure set (that appears hand made). I know his ex was religious (as am I) and I think that if our situations were reversed, Id hope my ex sent these items back to me. She basically had a day to collect all her things and move out due to circumstances and its understandable things were overlooked. And DH has completely cut off communication with her.

    Her (parents) address is readily available via google. I dont know. I feel really badly throwing these out. Its obviously theres some sentiment behind the set from how they were packed and what they were packed in.

    What would you ladies do? I just worry if I mail it behind DHs back (routing it through an address states away) its somehow going to get back to him. If he had his way, hed have already smashed them all. It just feels wrong to throw away a nativity scene, let alone break all the figures out of spite.

    I agree, spite dose make her reality seem less understanding. Considering my ex- initiated before in the past in this situation that she would do something like that to me. Before breaking up moving on and having her current boyfriend/ guy friend just so happenly get mad at her and threw all her stuff out. I guess from paying attention and receiving a phone call, asking me to help her get her things. I had thought about it and wouldn't had wish that on my worst of enemies. Let alone her.
  6. Senior Member
    AMP1984's Avatar
    AMP1984 is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Posts
    378
    #6
    My ex-husband was an abusive ass I left with my child (and one in my tummy) and what I could pack in a suitcase, when our divorce was final I went to pick up my stuff that the court had ordered him to give to me and he threw it all out a 2nd story window into the driveway and smashed everything of sentimental value...it sucked to see stuff my parents and grandparents had given to me long before our marriage destroyed because of an angry jerk. DB's ex-wife destroyed stuff from pre their marriage as well, stuff his mother (now deceased) had given him that is completely irreplaceable.

    If the roles were reversed no matter how pissed off I was I would return the items. Money cannot replace sentimental value and no matter how terrible the divorce is I don't believe destroying personal property is the route to go.
  7. Regular Member
    myrin's Avatar
    myrin is offline
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    Posts
    74
    #7
    So I talked with him about. Tried to gently explain that she probably brought them with her when they were married and maybe we should try to make an effort to return the set to her. I told him I knew he was worried about her finding out where he lived and was stationed now (that was always a big worry of his when we were overseas - that hed come home and shed be waiting for him in the house), but I had suggestions on how to send from a different state etc. only for him to ask why I was even obsessing over this because he already threw out the set the next morning after we found it unpacking.

    Ultimately, I realize its really his call on what to do with them and I dont understand why Im even hurt he would choose that over at least attempting. I guess its because I brought a lot of family heirlooms into our house when we married and I think I would be devastated if any of them met the trash.

    Thank you ladies for all your advice.
  8. I've got 32 flavors of that bootylicious bubblegum.
    rayfinkle's Avatar
    rayfinkle is offline
    I've got 32 flavors of that bootylicious bubblegum.
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    18,535
    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by myrin View Post
    So I talked with him about. Tried to gently explain that she probably brought them with her when they were married and maybe we should try to make an effort to return the set to her. I told him I knew he was worried about her finding out where he lived and was stationed now (that was always a big worry of his when we were overseas - that he’d come home and she’d be waiting for him in the house), but I had suggestions on how to send from a different state etc. only for him to ask why I was even obsessing over this because he already threw out the set the next morning after we found it unpacking.

    Ultimately, I realize it’s really his call on what to do with them and I don’t understand why I’m even hurt he would choose that over at least attempting. I guess it’s because I brought a lot of family heirlooms into our house when we married and I think I would be devastated if any of them met the trash.

    Thank you ladies for all your advice.
    Well that takes care of that!


    life's a party, rock your body
  9. Senior Member
    CDNTrish's Avatar
    CDNTrish is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    6,435
    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by myrin View Post
    So I talked with him about. Tried to gently explain that she probably brought them with her when they were married and maybe we should try to make an effort to return the set to her. I told him I knew he was worried about her finding out where he lived and was stationed now (that was always a big worry of his when we were overseas - that he’d come home and she’d be waiting for him in the house), but I had suggestions on how to send from a different state etc. only for him to ask why I was even obsessing over this because he already threw out the set the next morning after we found it unpacking.

    Ultimately, I realize it’s really his call on what to do with them and I don’t understand why I’m even hurt he would choose that over at least attempting. I guess it’s because I brought a lot of family heirlooms into our house when we married and I think I would be devastated if any of them met the trash.

    Thank you ladies for all your advice.
    Obviously not knowing any of the background and history, that would really bother me too. Past behavior is usually pretty indicative of future behavior.
  10. Senior Member
    Heisenberg's Avatar
    Heisenberg is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    South Florida
    Posts
    16,413
    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by CDNTrish View Post
    Obviously not knowing any of the background and history, that would really bother me too. Past behavior is usually pretty indicative of future behavior.
    He sounds like a major jerk tbh
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •