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Thread: Read his text messages

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    #1

    Read his text messages

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    Hi all, so I've found myself in a bit of a situation. I suspected my DH of having conversations with other women, asked about it and of course he denied. Looked at his text and my suspicions were confirmed. In the text they talk about their "friendship" but he has not be comfortable with me having such friendships with males so I've distanced myself from males I had been friends with before we married. I want to tell him I read the messages and know he is lying however I also know that I shouldn't have violated his privacy. He wont admit it ....I am lost and unsure what I should do next.
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    #2
    I would take advantage of marrital counseling, there are trust issues on both sides.
    I would also tell him you looked at his phone, I don't believe hiding things will solve trust issues. I would admit it was wrong to snoop, but I would be honest about your worries. I'm not sure why he needs to hide it if nothing is going on.

    Counseling would help you both work through this, and get to the root of the issues.
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    #3
    Thank you for your reply. My first instinct is to tell him I had done so but Im just afraid it'll blow up in my face and become more about me looking through his phone and less about him doing things he has asked me not to. I have asked if counseling is something he thinks we can do before but he doesnt want to. Perhaps once I tell him about the messages and ask him to reconsider we can do so. I appreciate the advice!
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    #4
    What's your concern about each other having opposite sex friends?
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    #5
    What did they say about their “friendship”?


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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by AfWifeAya View Post
    Hi all, so I've found myself in a bit of a situation. I suspected my DH of having conversations with other women, asked about it and of course he denied. Looked at his text and my suspicions were confirmed. In the text they talk about their "friendship" but he has not be comfortable with me having such friendships with males so I've distanced myself from males I had been friends with before we married. I want to tell him I read the messages and know he is lying however I also know that I shouldn't have violated his privacy. He wont admit it ....I am lost and unsure what I should do next.
    Quote Originally Posted by AfWifeAya View Post
    Thank you for your reply. My first instinct is to tell him I had done so but Im just afraid it'll blow up in my face and become more about me looking through his phone and less about him doing things he has asked me not to. I have asked if counseling is something he thinks we can do before but he doesnt want to. Perhaps once I tell him about the messages and ask him to reconsider we can do so. I appreciate the advice!
    I also curious what they were discussing about their "friendship".




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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Guynavywife View Post
    What's your concern about each other having opposite sex friends?
    I could be totally off by this, but I donít believe her concern is with him having opposite sex friends. Itís probably more so with him feeling the need to lie about it and keep it secret. If thereís nothing going on, why lie?

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    #8
    I have no concerns about him having friends of the opposite sex, I think that's perfectly normal. He does not like that and so I don't hang out with my male friends unless it's like a big mixed group or something nor do I text them since it makes him feel uncomfortable. He said he would do the same but it isnt something I asked of him. The conversation seemed to be him just talking about daily life and work but I'm guessing her SO does not like them being friends since she mentioned something that made it seem like he was questioning it, she also said that she knows my DH does not like that she is still with her SO, almost made it seem like a jealousy thing. I dont know for sure, but I don't know who she is nor have I ever heard him mention her name.
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by germy View Post
    I could be totally off by this, but I donít believe her concern is with him having opposite sex friends. Itís probably more so with him feeling the need to lie about it and keep it secret. If thereís nothing going on, why lie?
    That's exactly correct and also if you're asking me to do something why would you not follow suit and if its not something you should not be doing you shouldn't be hiding your phone or texting while I'm at work. Those are the main things that are bothering me. I asked straight forward if he was talking to other women and he said no. I asked to see the phone he said he likes to keep his conversations private.
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    #10
    It could be nothing - my best guy friend hated my ex-husband - he saw him for what he was before I realized it and he hated that I stayed with him so long. If she's in an abusive relationship he could just be disliking she's staying.

    However - that he won't tell you about it doesn't seem right. IF I questioned anything - even if I was being crazy and irrational- DB would tell me what's going on and/or show me the conversation. That he denies he's talking to her seems like a red flag...
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