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Thread: Anxiety - What to do and how to deal

  1. Nat
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    Anxiety - What to do and how to deal

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    I'm brand new to this site and not completely sure how to completely work it and this story can be kind of long so bare with me please. I met my boyfriend when I was 8 and he was 9. We both grew up swimming and we've been friends forever. We started dating last December, our senior year, after 10 years of friendship. One huge thing about me is that I have awful anxiety. He's leaving this month and my anxiety is getting really bad. I realize we are both young, but thinking about him not being in my life is nearly impossible and he thinks the same way. We have so much history and I love him in a beautiful way I've never loved before. Again, I know I'm young but I have felt anxiety and pain in my life and it hasn't been as bad as this. I hate the idea of going from talking to him for nearly 10 years and everyday for over a year to letters every now and then. I firmly believe in God and I've been praying, but I really felt the need to reach out and get first hand experience advice. I'm only 18 and he's 19. I'm in college, but I live at home to save money and put me through grad school. He's the only one I really have around me, all my friends are away on their own adventures. And I'm not ready for this. I don't know what to do or expect or anything and I could really use advice.
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    It sounds like you might benefit from some counseling and/or meds. It's start looking in to that. You could also try getting more involved in your church, since it sounds like are religious, to see if that brings you some comfort.

    Also, work on expanding your socail support network. I know that can be extremely tough when you have social anxiety (I do!). But it is not at all healthy to have one person be the only one around your for support. Even when he's home, that's not healthy for you, and it's not fair for him, either. I find that meeting people by getting involved with activities is much less anxiety-provoking for me. Show up for a volunteer shift and until you get to know people, you can just focus on the work, and maybe try to force yourself to make small talk for even a few minutes, and let the relationship grow. Volunteering is a great way to do this, but getting involved in any activity should work, too.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    Therapy helped me a TON. In all sorts of ways, not just coping with my boyfriend's deployments. I highly suggest it to everyone! It's so nice to just be able to talk about yourself for an hour a week - and you don't realize how much you need it. Therapists are trained professionals in dealing with feelings like anxiety, so I think seeing one might help ease your nerves. I agree with villanelle about extending your support network; it's definitely important for when he is both home and away. The key to a healthy relationship is balance! You gotta have things that are just solely about you, and the same goes for him. Reach out to your friends - even if they're away at college, I'm sure they'll be willing to let you talk through this tough time. But definitely talk to someone - these feelings shouldn't be bottled up.

    Having a hobby really helped me. On days where I just straight up didn't want to talk to someone, I'd grab my journal and write my feelings out in literature format. I have short stories on poems on random sentences that have nothing to do with anything except me just wanting to do something else besides remember that my boyfriend's gone.

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