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Thread: I need some advice on what to do

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    #1

    I need some advice on what to do

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    My husband is active duty military and we have been together for 4 years and married for 3 months. 3 years out of the 4 he was stationed in Germany. My husband is stationed in another state and has housing and i want to join him but he will not allow me to. Ive asked him for help but he wont help me but will help others. When i talk to him its all about him him him so i asked him did he still want to be married to me and he says yes that he does but his actions are speaking other words. We briefly talked about me coming there where he is and he says give him 6 months and he wants to be allowed to do what he wants to do in the mean time if you get what im saying. I cant take no more of this whats should i do.
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by Neil_0823 View Post
    My husband is active duty military and we have been together for 4 years and married for 3 months. 3 years out of the 4 he was stationed in Germany. My husband is stationed in another state and has housing and i want to join him but he will not allow me to. Ive asked him for help but he wont help me but will help others. When i talk to him its all about him him him so i asked him did he still want to be married to me and he says yes that he does but his actions are speaking other words. We briefly talked about me coming there where he is and he says give him 6 months and he wants to be allowed to do what he wants to do in the mean time if you get what im saying. I cant take no more of this whats should i do.
    He won’t allow you to join him?

    How old are you both? Was he like this before or has it been recently? What do you mean that he won’t help you - like financial help?

    It seems like there’s definitely something going on.
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    #3
    I would be divorcing him, frankly. If he's not interested in us living as a couple and there's no compelling reason it won't work, that would tell me everything I needed to know about where I am on his priority list.

    Also, if be being allowed to do what he wants you are referring to "dating", screw that. (Is that what you mean?) If you are fine with an open relationship, so be it, but if you aren't, um... goodbye!

    It sounds like maybe he wants to stay married to he gets BAH (and can live off base, possibly), but has no interest in actually being in a marriage.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    I would be divorcing him, frankly. If he's not interested in us living as a couple and there's no compelling reason it won't work, that would tell me everything I needed to know about where I am on his priority list.

    Also, if be being allowed to do what he wants you are referring to "dating", screw that. (Is that what you mean?) If you are fine with an open relationship, so be it, but if you aren't, um... goodbye!

    It sounds like maybe he wants to stay married to he gets BAH (and can live off base, possibly), but has no interest in actually being in a marriage.
    Ditto.

    He's acting single. It makes me wonder if he's up to something and doesn't want you around to spoil his good time. Or, that he's using you for the BAH. What rank is he? Would he be forced to live in the barracks if y'all weren't married?




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    #5
    Actions speak louder, ma'am. We all know that. Screw that "marriage' when he wants to do all he wants. Why even be married in that case?
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    #6
    uhm.. what do you do?
    You file for divorce.

    There is no 'letting' you come. If you are married, and if you are in deers, you are on his orders and allowed to be there, he can't prevent you from going.
    This sounds like a classic 'contract' marriage, so he can BAH and live freely with extra money.

    There are 10 types of people in the world, those that understand binary and those that don't
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    #7
    His actions are definitely speaking louder than his words. He clearly doesn't want you to move there (I'm guessing so he can "do what he wants to do") and just wants the BAH or whatever he's getting for being married. As a married couple there is no reason for him to not "let" you live with him...
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    #8
    What does "do what he wants to do" mean? Like others have said, if it means date others I would be out! Y'all have been together for 4 years? Was he always like this? Did you talk about moving in together once married? What do you mean by won't help you but will help others? Who is he helping and how is he helping them but not you? Something definitely seems off!
    From what you've said I would divorce him, but if there's more to it and you're looking for how to work through things, I would have a serious life goals talk with him, make sure your long term plans line up and let him know what is and isn't acceptable for you...a relationship/marriage has to have communication and compromise, it's not a dictatorship!
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by AMP1984 View Post
    What does "do what he wants to do" mean? Like others have said, if it means date others I would be out! Y'all have been together for 4 years? Was he always like this? Did you talk about moving in together once married? What do you mean by won't help you but will help others? Who is he helping and how is he helping them but not you? Something definitely seems off!
    From what you've said I would divorce him, but if there's more to it and you're looking for how to work through things, I would have a serious life goals talk with him, make sure your long term plans line up and let him know what is and isn't acceptable for you...a relationship/marriage has to have communication and compromise, it's not a dictatorship!

    Thank you so much. We had a discussion today and i believe we are on the right track now but we will see
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    #10
    After you were married, while he was in Germany and you were in the states, were you aware he was being paid BAH for your location as well as having a place to live in Germany? Did you visit him while he was in Germany? This whole situation sounds very off and does not sound like a solid marriage.

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