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Thread: After Boot Camp

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    After Boot Camp

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    My girlfriend of nearly 2 years went to boot camp and while she was away each letter spoke of our future together. How she wanted to be married and wanted a house and 7 kids. She wanted all of this before she left as well. We were even half way planning a wedding and house decor. All of her letters reiterated this and it made me so happy. When she got home she seemed the same at least for the first couple of days. One night she went out with her friend and they ended up staying out till 7 am. They were drinking some and I was a little worried. I asked her to check in now and then since I didn't want her getting in to trouble fresh out of boot camp. I thought this was a reasonable request. I wasn't to happy when she got home since she had asked that I come pick her up if she needed me to so I stayed up waiting for her to call. She has never stated out that late before so I just figured it was because she had the freedom to now that she was out of boot camp. As her 10 days leave went on she seemed to grow more distant. She didn't talk to much about boot camp and she didn't seem to show the slightest interest in my life. I graduated from the fire academy the Monday she got home and she didn't congratulate me or say she was proud of me at all like I had done for her. She seems disinterested in me. It was a full reversal of how she felt before. So one night we had a talk and I told her I didn't appreciate her staying out so late with out telling me what was going on. Well she thought I was sofocating her which I may have been a little bit but she never told me that and she acted like everything was just fine. I just wanted to spend as much time with her as I could because once She left I didn't know when I would see or speak to her again. She said she wanted a break and while heart broken I said okay. The next few days she didn't speak to me at all. I wrote her a letter to read telling her how I felt. I dropped it off with her grandma and didn't see her. I sent her one text telling her i don't want to quit on us and that I'm willing to do anything to support her and help her with anything. I know she's scared about MCT and I wanted to help her. She ignored me until the day before she was supposed to leave. She called me and we talked and she said she wanted a break to think about what she wants and I tried to convince her that she didn't need to worry about me and that I would be fine while she was gone. She said she would always love me and and be there for me and I agreed to take a break if that's what she really wanted. After the phone call I checked her Facebook and she deleted all of our pictures together and she changed her relationship status to single. She also deleted all her Instagram pics of us. I didn't know what to do. She wanted a break I didn't think she wanted to delete me from her life. I still love her so much and I don't know what I should do. I think she still loves me but I don't know why she's done this. I'm so confused could anyone explain any of this to me.
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    #2
    I'm so sorry you're going through this. She might just be confused and come back to you, but I would not count on it. You can wait for her if you'd like, but if I were you I'd start the process of moving on. I want someone who always chooses me and has no doubt in their mind about wanting to be with me. It hurts right now, but it won't hurt forever. Make your happiness your priority right now.
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    I don't know if she's really dine though. She didn't say I want to break up and she didn't say goodbye she said she needed time to think. She was everything to me and all I want us to have her tell me how she feels but boot camp seems to have killed her feelings for anything but the marines.
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    #4
    Unfortunately, people will sometimes ask for a "break" rather than flat-out say they want to "break up" because it feels less harsh or may seem like a way of letting someone down slowly/gently. Regardless of the words she chose, I'm sorry to say her actions seem pretty clear that she intends this separation to be permanent. Sabrina has given some very sound advice, and I second what she has said here. I'm sorry you're in this position.
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    Maybe you're right but I'm going to wait it out until she is done with her training and maybe she'll realize that I'm worth the effort. I've spent our entire relationship supporting her and helping her when ever she asks for it. She has done the same for me so maybe it's a boot camp attitude. I guess I'll just have to wait and see. Thanks for the advice.
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    Quote Originally Posted by LouisSurgi View Post
    Maybe you're right but I'm going to wait it out until she is done with her training and maybe she'll realize that I'm worth the effort. I've spent our entire relationship supporting her and helping her when ever she asks for it. She has done the same for me so maybe it's a boot camp attitude. I guess I'll just have to wait and see. Thanks for the advice.
    You sound like a very dedicated and caring bf. I think she is very unfair to you. You should NOT wait until she 'realizes' how good you are to her and, in general, because if she would- she'd have done it earlier. No boot camp is going to help her understand that, I think. From all you said it sounds like she is a different person now, and boot camp and all the new people she met have probably changed her.
    Not always taking a break means "breaking up', but in 99% of the time - it does. Especially if she deleted all proof of your relationship, pictures and status and etc. Don't you think it is extreme? I don't think she loves you, she does care for you that is why she did not straight up break up, but it's getting there. I know you love her so much that you want to hope, but it'd just string you along and hurt even more.
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by LouisSurgi View Post
    My girlfriend of nearly 2 years went to boot camp and while she was away each letter spoke of our future together. How she wanted to be married and wanted a house and 7 kids. She wanted all of this before she left as well. We were even half way planning a wedding and house decor. All of her letters reiterated this and it made me so happy. When she got home she seemed the same at least for the first couple of days. One night she went out with her friend and they ended up staying out till 7 am. They were drinking some and I was a little worried. I asked her to check in now and then since I didn't want her getting in to trouble fresh out of boot camp. I thought this was a reasonable request. I wasn't to happy when she got home since she had asked that I come pick her up if she needed me to so I stayed up waiting for her to call. She has never stated out that late before so I just figured it was because she had the freedom to now that she was out of boot camp. As her 10 days leave went on she seemed to grow more distant. She didn't talk to much about boot camp and she didn't seem to show the slightest interest in my life. I graduated from the fire academy the Monday she got home and she didn't congratulate me or say she was proud of me at all like I had done for her. She seems disinterested in me. It was a full reversal of how she felt before. So one night we had a talk and I told her I didn't appreciate her staying out so late with out telling me what was going on. Well she thought I was sofocating her which I may have been a little bit but she never told me that and she acted like everything was just fine. I just wanted to spend as much time with her as I could because once She left I didn't know when I would see or speak to her again. She said she wanted a break and while heart broken I said okay. The next few days she didn't speak to me at all. I wrote her a letter to read telling her how I felt. I dropped it off with her grandma and didn't see her. I sent her one text telling her i don't want to quit on us and that I'm willing to do anything to support her and help her with anything. I know she's scared about MCT and I wanted to help her. She ignored me until the day before she was supposed to leave. She called me and we talked and she said she wanted a break to think about what she wants and I tried to convince her that she didn't need to worry about me and that I would be fine while she was gone. She said she would always love me and and be there for me and I agreed to take a break if that's what she really wanted. After the phone call I checked her Facebook and she deleted all of our pictures together and she changed her relationship status to single. She also deleted all her Instagram pics of us. I didn't know what to do. She wanted a break I didn't think she wanted to delete me from her life. I still love her so much and I don't know what I should do. I think she still loves me but I don't know why she's done this. I'm so confused could anyone explain any of this to me.
    Quote Originally Posted by LouisSurgi View Post
    I don't know if she's really dine though. She didn't say I want to break up and she didn't say goodbye she said she needed time to think. She was everything to me and all I want us to have her tell me how she feels but boot camp seems to have killed her feelings for anything but the marines.
    Quote Originally Posted by LouisSurgi View Post
    Maybe you're right but I'm going to wait it out until she is done with her training and maybe she'll realize that I'm worth the effort. I've spent our entire relationship supporting her and helping her when ever she asks for it. She has done the same for me so maybe it's a boot camp attitude. I guess I'll just have to wait and see. Thanks for the advice.
    My husband is a Marine too and boot camp does not change people. Im guessing this all happened during her 10 day boot leave? It's normal for the Marine to come back different (their goals may change, priorities, etc). However, the core of their personality remains the same. My husband is the same goober he was before he enlisted.

    MCT is very challenging (it's basically a continuation of boot camp). But, once she gets to A school/MOS school she will have a lot more liberties and the option to go out. I wonder if she realized she's going to be starting a new life and she didn't want to be tied down to someone. I hate to say it but I think she's done based on how she deleted you off of everything. You don't deserve that.




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    #8
    How old are you?

    I'm embarrassed to say it, but I've asked to go on a "break" before. It was honestly a cowardly and selfish way of breaking up with someone. He was so nice and caring, and I just wanted my freedom (I was 21), so I asked for a break, when I really should have done the decent thing and broken up with the guy. He stuck around and was there for me, while I did whatever the hell I wanted. Sounds like she's doing the same thing.

    I would cut your losses and move on. It sounds like she's done the same.
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    #9
    She wouldn't have deleted all evidence of your relationship off of social media if she had any intention of getting back together with you. I know it sucks to hear, but if it was just a "break" or a temporary thing, she wouldn't have done something so permanent and essentially publicly announce the breakup.
    I'm sure this isn't what you want to hear, I've been in your position before, but everyone here is saying the same thing and that has to say something... Good luck! Sorry she's using a "break" as a cowardly way to do it
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    I went and talked to her aunt and grandmother and she's acted the same towards them. She was distant and nearly cut them off as well. Her aunt thinks that everything will be okay and that she just wanted freedom while she was on leave. She says she thinks she regrets joining because she didn't want to leave again. She says that I should be patient and that she will miss me and maybe come back to me. I'm not gonna hold my breath but her family seems to think she is stressed and doesn't want to drag us through her 4 years in the marines. They were just as appalled and confused as I was.
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