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    Eclgibler27's Avatar
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    #1

    Help

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    Ever since my husband joined the navy in May I've been in a funk. It now being October he just found out he gets deployed In April and that's made my funk even worse. I feel like I'm not supporting him like I'm supposed to but I feel like I'm losing everything. All I wanna do is cry and scream. All I can think about is him cheating and how unhappy I'm going to be for the rest of his time in the military. What can I do to change this. How can I stop feeling like this...
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by Eclgibler27 View Post
    Ever since my husband joined the navy in May I've been in a funk. It now being October he just found out he gets deployed In April and that's made my funk even worse. I feel like I'm not supporting him like I'm supposed to but I feel like I'm losing everything. All I wanna do is cry and scream. All I can think about is him cheating and how unhappy I'm going to be for the rest of his time in the military. What can I do to change this. How can I stop feeling like this...
    I am really sorry you are feeling this way, but if you all you can think about is him cheating then there are much larger issues at hand. If he cheats, it is because he is disloyal, not because he is in the military.

    I understand how it can be easier to be concerned with this considering the time apart during deployments, but if a guy is going to cheat, he is going to do it whether he is in the same town/city/state as you or on the opposite side of the country.

    Did you two have conversations prior to him joining the military? Were you ever on board with the decision? As difficult as it can be, you will have to work through the feelings and the emotions because it cannot be changed right now. What do you do in your spare time? Do you work? I know it is the stereotypical answer to say "stay busy," but it is the truth. Staying busy keeps your mind off of things.

    Have you tried communicating your feelings and concerns with him so you can at least try to move past the fear of him cheating? I have been in positions like that before and I know how emotionally draining it is. You shouldn't feel like that with your husband though! Has he given you a reason to fear that?
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    #3
    Have you looked into counseling for you. There are great resources out there. It could be due to many other feelings of scared, stressed, unsure of how this all works.....so much. I have found counseling to be a great tool.
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by marinemainsqueez View Post
    I am really sorry you are feeling this way, but if you all you can think about is him cheating then there are much larger issues at hand. If he cheats, it is because he is disloyal, not because he is in the military.

    I understand how it can be easier to be concerned with this considering the time apart during deployments, but if a guy is going to cheat, he is going to do it whether he is in the same town/city/state as you or on the opposite side of the country.

    Did you two have conversations prior to him joining the military? Were you ever on board with the decision? As difficult as it can be, you will have to work through the feelings and the emotions because it cannot be changed right now. What do you do in your spare time? Do you work? I know it is the stereotypical answer to say "stay busy," but it is the truth. Staying busy keeps your mind off of things.

    Have you tried communicating your feelings and concerns with him so you can at least try to move past the fear of him cheating? I have been in positions like that before and I know how emotionally draining it is. You shouldn't feel like that with your husband though! Has he given you a reason to fear that?
    All of this, the military doesn't make anyone cheat, that's a decision made by the person cheating.

    Why is it that that's what your concerned about, is there a larger issue here? Has he cheated before?

    Learning that your husband is deploying is hard, and it brings all kinds of thoughts to mind, and if that's where the thought of him cheating comes from, then I get it, but if there are other reasons you're worried about him cheating, then you need to have a conversation with him and figure out why that's on your mind!

    Now how do you get yourself out of the funk you're in? That depends the first thing I suggest trying is finding things to distract you, do something fun, make some friends, go out with friends, get a hobby, find a job, go back to school, binge watch netflix, whatever is going to keep your mind distracted, and you're going to enjoy. I like to read or knit or color or watch a lot of netflix, sometimes I scrapbook (or more often now, I decorate my planner and use it as more of a daily journal than a planner... I definitely write things I need to remember for future dates in it, but I also add things that happened every day as a way to be able to look back. I'm bad at journaling, but this helps me remember the good the bad and the ugly ) you could write or join a gym or some kind of class, whatever is going to make you happy and make you feel good! It doesn't get rid of all of the worry, or all of the funk, but it certainly helps! However, if this stuff doesn't help, you may want to find someone you can talk to, like a therapist who can help you work through these feelings, it's definitely okay to realize when you need more help.

    Talk to your husband about your feelings, explain your fears and your worries, he may be able to make you feel better by explaining just why you have nothing to worry about And as always, we're here to listen if you need a should to lean on or an ear to listen!

    Quote Originally Posted by Rainbow Brite View Post
    There needs to be a blowing rainbows, sunshine, butterflies, and happiness up an asshole smiley.
    ]
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    #5
    Communication is key. Deployments suck...but if cheating is your concern then him not deploying won’t solve it (I know...double negative ). I echo what others have already said...look into some help for yourself so you can be happy.

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