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Thread: My First Deployment (SO/Navy)

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    My First Deployment (SO/Navy)

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    My SO has several deployments under his belt but this is his first with me (and actually his longest ever), I took him to the airport yesterday (the ladies at the airline desk were nice enough to give me and my kids passes to get through security so we could wait and say goodbye right as he boarded so we got a little more time with him) He's going to be gone for 14 months (365 days boots on ground but an extra 2 months with the before and after things), I have had 6 months to prepare myself for this but it's still kind of sinking in...

    What do wives/SO do while their man is deployed? I know there will be long periods of time where I can't talk to him and I feel like lack of communication will get to me almost like play tricks with your mind...I am confident in us, we live together, we plan to be together forever, we aren't married but that's only because we've both had messy divorces and we just don't think a piece of paper defines a marriage we're more committed to each other and much happier together than many married couples we know are...I also have 2 boys (age 4 - almost 5 - and 9) and their actual dad (my ex-husband) hasn't seen them in like 2 years my boyfriend is the male role model in their lives now and was even before their actual dad peaced out.

    I know I can handle everything on my own, I don't feel overwhelmed or anything like that with the house and kids and stuff I've been on my own before, I just miss him already and am wondering what people do to make the time pass faster? Do you try to stay really busy? I already work full-time and have kids and dogs to look after so it's not like I have a ton of free time anyways lol but I feel like my mind races, I definitely have trouble with lack of communication, we always talk about everything all the time so I know that will be really hard for me...but I love and support him so much and I want to handle this well so he doesn't have to worry about me at home or me being upset or sad...
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    My DB hasn't deployed yet (time is ticking though, he will be leaving next month) but I don't work currently, so when he goes underway or even when he has duty, it can get pretty lonely at the apartment. I definitely think it helps that we have a dog, so I take her out and play with her and bring her places, but I also have started finding new hobbies and stuff to keep me busy while he's gone. I also (when we were long distance, and probably will again once he leaves) did a lot of writing and journaling. Sometimes I would write journal entries as if I were writing to him and I would write about my day, and anything that was stressing me out and it would help me to just get things off my mind without piling a bunch of stuff on him while he's away.

    I hope that helps! Sorry I don't have more advice on the matter. Feel free to PM me if you'd like to just have someone to talk to
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by AMP1984 View Post
    My SO has several deployments under his belt but this is his first with me (and actually his longest ever), I took him to the airport yesterday (the ladies at the airline desk were nice enough to give me and my kids passes to get through security so we could wait and say goodbye right as he boarded so we got a little more time with him) He's going to be gone for 14 months (365 days boots on ground but an extra 2 months with the before and after things), I have had 6 months to prepare myself for this but it's still kind of sinking in...

    What do wives/SO do while their man is deployed? I know there will be long periods of time where I can't talk to him and I feel like lack of communication will get to me almost like play tricks with your mind...I am confident in us, we live together, we plan to be together forever, we aren't married but that's only because we've both had messy divorces and we just don't think a piece of paper defines a marriage we're more committed to each other and much happier together than many married couples we know are...I also have 2 boys (age 4 - almost 5 - and 9) and their actual dad (my ex-husband) hasn't seen them in like 2 years my boyfriend is the male role model in their lives now and was even before their actual dad peaced out.

    I know I can handle everything on my own, I don't feel overwhelmed or anything like that with the house and kids and stuff I've been on my own before, I just miss him already and am wondering what people do to make the time pass faster? Do you try to stay really busy? I already work full-time and have kids and dogs to look after so it's not like I have a ton of free time anyways lol but I feel like my mind races, I definitely have trouble with lack of communication, we always talk about everything all the time so I know that will be really hard for me...but I love and support him so much and I want to handle this well so he doesn't have to worry about me at home or me being upset or sad...
    Whenever you feel like you want to communicate with him (whether it be good, bad, or bored days) just write an email. You don't even have to send it right away but it will get your thoughts out there.

    Also, don't wish for time to move faster! You will miss him a lot but life goes on. I did did some incredible things while my husband was deployed and met some amazing people.


    life's a party, rock your body
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    Thank you to both of you...I was kind of looking for an easy fast forward button and you're right I shouldn't do that, I need to enjoy this time with my kids and my work and still live my life and find other ways to deal with him being gone...it is temporary and we are going to start planning for R&R (which should be sometime in May I think) but we can start planning likely in Nov/Dec...he was wanting to keep me busy with plans as quickly as possible to give us something to look forward...keep me from being sad...I like the journaling idea too, I think I will start doing that.
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    I honestly just pick up extra shifts at work, keeps me busy and overtime pay is always a plus lol. But I'm sure your kiddos will keep you SO busy! DH and I don't have children, but my sister has 3 and when BIL is deployed she has her hands full.

    I think the first couple weeks are the most difficult, then you start to adjust. I allow myself one week to throw myself a pity party and feel sad and lonely and then I know I have to snap back into reality- life doesn't stop for you! I had a friend who took over a month off of school/work and I think that is a recipe for disaster. Don't let yourself get bored.

    I always set up mini time goals like "month 1" and then "month 2" and so on, I never look at the overall progress because it seems SO long, I hate looking at a 12+ month countdown. But when I look at my mini goals and say "wow, I only have 10 more days until it's been 2 months!" I start to feel a whole lot better. Other than that, all you can do is stay strong and be understanding and patient. It does not necessarily get easier or better, but you definitely adjust and learn how to accept it.

    The days are long but the months will feel short.
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    I literally have no time for anything between kids and work so I am always busy anyways it's just my brain keeps on thinking no matter what I'm doing and it gets me all emotional and overthinks things...I really worry about the lack of communication, but I love your idea of the mini goals because a countdown now would definitely be way too much, too daunting, it's over a year until he'll be home as he just left! I think I will try to set mini goals for myself so I can try to focus on that and cross things off a list

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