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Thread: Thanksgiving Dilemma

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    #1

    Thanksgiving Dilemma

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    DB is getting out in less than a month and we're having a bit of a problem sorting out what we're going to do for the holidays, specifically Thanksgiving. Our families don't live very far from each other (30 minutes to an hour depending on traffic, which house, etc.) and normally his family has their Thanksgiving meal around lunch time, say 1:00 or maybe 2:00. My family has our Thanksgiving meal around dinner time, usually about 6:00. When we first discussed the holidays earlier this year, we decided that because the times worked out it would be best for us to split Thanksgiving between our two families - go to his family's Thanksgiving around noon (or whenever) and then leave for my family's Thanksgiving around 4:30.

    As Thanksgiving has been approaching, however, DB has decided that since this is his first Thanksgiving home in three years he would like to spend all of Thanksgiving with his family. Apparently, after they eat, all of his family hang out for the entire evening/night and get really drunk. When he first realized this, he just decided that we would spend Thanksgiving separately this year. I was annoyed because he'd been telling me that he wanted to spend Thanksgiving together, but I thought okay whatever. Now, though, he wants me to spend all of Thanksgiving with his family as well and miss Thanksgiving with my family, which I've never done before.

    I completely understand that he wants to be with his family on Thanksgiving since he's been away for the last three years. I'm just kind of upset that he would ask me to give up Thanksgiving with my family (something I look forward to all year) when it is totally feasible for us to split our time and go to both without missing much of anything at either one. My family's Thanksgiving usually wraps up around 8:00 or 9:00 anyways and I'm fine with leaving early so that we can go back to hang out with his family for the drunkenness he apparently doesn't want to miss (I am not a fan in general).

    Like I said, I get wanting to spend Thanksgiving with your family, especially after being away. Obviously I understand because I want to spend this Thanksgiving with my family too, which is where our dilemma is. Am I being totally unreasonable here since he's been away for three years? Should I just give in and spend Thanksgiving with his family so we can be together?
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    #2
    Why not just spend the holiday separately, with your own families? It's just a day. He doesn't want to go to your house, you don't want to be around the drunkenness, you don't wanna skip out on your family, I'd just do a separate holiday honestly.
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    #3
    Kinda You saw your family last year yeah? he hasn't for three years, of course he wants to see his family.

    There's also no reason you have to be together on Thanksgiving. DH and I spent last Easter apart, he went to his parent's house and I went to mine.


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    #4
    At least he is letting you know now, two months in advance. I think his request is completely reasonable. I would either go to your parents' house in the afternoon and return to his that evening, or simply stay at your parents' the whole day. The distance is super easy. It's not like there is a multiple hour drive.

    These are decisions that you have to make if you get married. Better to come to a decision now, for this year, than last minute and people get their feelings hurt.
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    #5
    Separate was the plan since neither of us wanted to miss Thanksgiving with our own families. We were going to do a separate Thanksgiving, split Christmas since his family celebrates on Christmas Eve, and then start splitting Thanksgiving next year. This morning he told me he wants me to go to his and miss mine entirely
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by kt_bug View Post
    DB is getting out in less than a month and we're having a bit of a problem sorting out what we're going to do for the holidays, specifically Thanksgiving. Our families don't live very far from each other (30 minutes to an hour depending on traffic, which house, etc.) and normally his family has their Thanksgiving meal around lunch time, say 1:00 or maybe 2:00. My family has our Thanksgiving meal around dinner time, usually about 6:00. When we first discussed the holidays earlier this year, we decided that because the times worked out it would be best for us to split Thanksgiving between our two families - go to his family's Thanksgiving around noon (or whenever) and then leave for my family's Thanksgiving around 4:30.

    As Thanksgiving has been approaching, however, DB has decided that since this is his first Thanksgiving home in three years he would like to spend all of Thanksgiving with his family. Apparently, after they eat, all of his family hang out for the entire evening/night and get really drunk. When he first realized this, he just decided that we would spend Thanksgiving separately this year. I was annoyed because he'd been telling me that he wanted to spend Thanksgiving together, but I thought okay whatever. Now, though, he wants me to spend all of Thanksgiving with his family as well and miss Thanksgiving with my family, which I've never done before.

    I completely understand that he wants to be with his family on Thanksgiving since he's been away for the last three years. I'm just kind of upset that he would ask me to give up Thanksgiving with my family (something I look forward to all year) when it is totally feasible for us to split our time and go to both without missing much of anything at either one. My family's Thanksgiving usually wraps up around 8:00 or 9:00 anyways and I'm fine with leaving early so that we can go back to hang out with his family for the drunkenness he apparently doesn't want to miss (I am not a fan in general).

    Like I said, I get wanting to spend Thanksgiving with your family, especially after being away. Obviously I understand because I want to spend this Thanksgiving with my family too, which is where our dilemma is. Am I being totally unreasonable here since he's been away for three years? Should I just give in and spend Thanksgiving with his family so we can be together?
    I would go to his family thanksgiving if you guys want to be together and then you can take off to your family.


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    #7
    I mean, you guys aren't married yet so it's not that unusual to spend holidays apart. I would just spend time with him at his parents house and then leave, by myself, to go to my parents house.
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    #8
    I second (third?) the idea of going to his family's at first and then you can go see your own afterwards once they start drinking. You could always go back to his family's at the end of the night too.


    DH and I are going to my family's for Thanksgiving this year. I've spent the LAST 8 YEARS away so I am extremely excited. One was with my ex's fam, 5 with DH's fam, and 2 were in San Diego when we couldn't travel due to work. So I definitely get him wanting to see his family when he hasn't in years.
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    #9
    We do separate thanksgivings. One day with his family and one day with mine. With DHs schedule we rarely have thanksgiving on thanksgiving day. If one year one side of the family's thanksgiving dinner lands on thanksgiving day we switch back and forth on who we go to the next time around (if that makes sense). When we lived out of state one year we had both families come to our place for thanksgiving. It was hectic, but worth spending the time together.
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by rayfinkle View Post
    I would go to his family thanksgiving if you guys want to be together and then you can take off to your family.
    Yeah this seems like a pretty easy solution.
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