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Thread: I thought I could handle it..

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    #1

    I thought I could handle it..

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    Hello all, I know I've really been MIA. I've been in school, working two jobs, and now a third. So I haven't really had much time to post. I hope all is well with everyone! Me SO and I are at our wits end. Coming into this, I really thought I could handle it. But, I'm not so sure anymore. My main problem with him was time. I could really care less about materialistic things. All I asked of him was to make time to talk to me on the weekends, even if it's just an hour. It really doesn't matter to me, after a long week, that is my comfort, and that is what I look forward to. He wasn't doing that, so I started getting irritated and very irrational (I would just call and try to make him talk to me). It was very inconsiderate of me, but I felt so alone at times. There was one time I was falling short on a bill and I asked him on numerous occasions to just help me a little. I was $20 short, literally. He told me he would help and then bailed on me. Right now we are not together and my heart literally hurts. I try to stay busy so that I don't think about it as much, but I gave him everything. Before he even joined Army, I was the one that would take him to work everyday, help him when needed, and it all just feels like a stab in the back. Now, we still talk but nothing is really the same. We planned for me to visit him in Germany next month... that's supposed to still be going on, but he doesn't even talk about it. So, I'm not even sure anymore.. I really don't know what to do at this point. Even if you would just put yourself in my shoes for a moment, or give your opinion it would be greatly appreciated. Tell me whether or not I'm handling this situation correctly, I'm new to all of this. This is his first duty station. I'm open to anything.
    Thank you in advance ❤️
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by ashantiw View Post
    Hello all, I know I've really been MIA. I've been in school, working two jobs, and now a third. So I haven't really had much time to post. I hope all is well with everyone! Me SO and I are at our wits end. Coming into this, I really thought I could handle it. But, I'm not so sure anymore. My main problem with him was time. I could really care less about materialistic things. All I asked of him was to make time to talk to me on the weekends, even if it's just an hour. It really doesn't matter to me, after a long week, that is my comfort, and that is what I look forward to. He wasn't doing that, so I started getting irritated and very irrational (I would just call and try to make him talk to me). It was very inconsiderate of me, but I felt so alone at times. There was one time I was falling short on a bill and I asked him on numerous occasions to just help me a little. I was $20 short, literally. He told me he would help and then bailed on me. Right now we are not together and my heart literally hurts. I try to stay busy so that I don't think about it as much, but I gave him everything. Before he even joined Army, I was the one that would take him to work everyday, help him when needed, and it all just feels like a stab in the back. Now, we still talk but nothing is really the same. We planned for me to visit him in Germany next month... that's supposed to still be going on, but he doesn't even talk about it. So, I'm not even sure anymore.. I really don't know what to do at this point. Even if you would just put yourself in my shoes for a moment, or give your opinion it would be greatly appreciated. Tell me whether or not I'm handling this situation correctly, I'm new to all of this. This is his first duty station. I'm open to anything.
    Thank you in advance ❤️
    Ending a relationship is always hard

    I wouldn't count on him to spend much time (if any) with you in Germany. Are you comfortable touring the area by yourself?




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    Quote Originally Posted by idratherbehiking View Post
    Ending a relationship is always hard

    I wouldn't count on him to spend much time (if any) with you in Germany. Are you comfortable touring the area by yourself?
    I am.. that was my plan b/c I know he works during the week. I wanted to leave on a Wednesday and return on a Tuesday.
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    Is he in any kind of training right now? I went through something similar when my SO was in A school. I kep asking him to set aside just an hour or two on the weekends to skype or call me so I could give him a rundown of wedding plans, but he was always going out with his friends. I thought it was unfair that he would spend Friday night and all of Saturday and Sunday with them. I was hurt.

    When he got home we talked about it. We had both handled it wrong. He was stressed with school and the wedding and kind of shut down and he hated being in the barracks so he went out as often as he could. He realized it was unacceptable and he should have made me a priority and I realized that I should have tried to be more understanding and less pushy and emotional about it.

    This problem wasn't going on very long with us, it was just towards the end of A school when everything was getting intense. We were able to get past it, but if it happened for an extended period of time I don't know if I would tolerate it. I would try to talk to your SO and discuss the way you feel, but since you can't force him to talk about it this may be difficult. If you do get to talk try to remain calm and be open to what he has to say, don't let your emotions steer the conversation or cause you to ignore what he is saying.
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    #5
    Are you just taking a break from each other right now or are you guys completely broken up? Maybe seeing each other in person and talking things out will help. Reestablish boundaries, expectations, etc. It's normal to get frustrated with someone when things aren't panning out the way you expected. If you love each other and are both willing to put in the work for the relationship, then there is no reason why you can't talk things out and (hopefully) fix them. Please keep us posted. <3
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    I think if you have to beg someone to talk to you, it's not looking promising. I know things ebb and flow, but the fact that he doesn't want to talk to you, has bailed on commitments, and you guys are broken up doesn't sound like this is going anywhere.

    Also, I don't mean to pry, but how can you afford a trip to Germany when you are having trouble paying the bills? I would focus on becoming financially independent and stable before putting time, money, and energy into someone who isn't making you a priority.
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by CDNTrish View Post
    I think if you have to beg someone to talk to you, it's not looking promising. I know things ebb and flow, but the fact that he doesn't want to talk to you, has bailed on commitments, and you guys are broken up doesn't sound like this is going anywhere.

    Also, I don't mean to pry, but how can you afford a trip to Germany when you are having trouble paying the bills? I would focus on becoming financially independent and stable before putting time, money, and energy into someone who isn't making you a priority.
    I agree.
    I wouldn't visit him.
    I wouldn't call him.
    Show him what it is like to not be a priority, and if he makes no effort, move on.
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by CDNTrish View Post
    I think if you have to beg someone to talk to you, it's not looking promising. I know things ebb and flow, but the fact that he doesn't want to talk to you, has bailed on commitments, and you guys are broken up doesn't sound like this is going anywhere.

    Also, I don't mean to pry, but how can you afford a trip to Germany when you are having trouble paying the bills? I would focus on becoming financially independent and stable before putting time, money, and energy into someone who isn't making you a priority.
    This. You can't afford this trip, and frankly, going to visit a guy who has shown you pretty clearly how little he values or respects you is just prolonging the pain.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Sabrina22LE View Post
    Is he in any kind of training right now? I went through something similar when my SO was in A school. I kep asking him to set aside just an hour or two on the weekends to skype or call me so I could give him a rundown of wedding plans, but he was always going out with his friends. I thought it was unfair that he would spend Friday night and all of Saturday and Sunday with them. I was hurt.

    When he got home we talked about it. We had both handled it wrong. He was stressed with school and the wedding and kind of shut down and he hated being in the barracks so he went out as often as he could. He realized it was unacceptable and he should have made me a priority and I realized that I should have tried to be more understanding and less pushy and emotional about it.

    This problem wasn't going on very long with us, it was just towards the end of A school when everything was getting intense. We were able to get past it, but if it happened for an extended period of time I don't know if I would tolerate it. I would try to talk to your SO and discuss the way you feel, but since you can't force him to talk about it this may be difficult. If you do get to talk try to remain calm and be open to what he has to say, don't let your emotions steer the conversation or cause you to ignore what he is saying.
    He's actually finished with training and has began working. Same as your SO all he wants to do is hang out with friends all weekend.
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by subgf71573 View Post
    Are you just taking a break from each other right now or are you guys completely broken up? Maybe seeing each other in person and talking things out will help. Reestablish boundaries, expectations, etc. It's normal to get frustrated with someone when things aren't panning out the way you expected. If you love each other and are both willing to put in the work for the relationship, then there is no reason why you can't talk things out and (hopefully) fix them. Please keep us posted. <3
    Right now, it's supposed to be a break, but with how he's acting I can't even tell anymore.
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