Military Significant Others and Spouse Support - MilitarySOS.com
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 23

Thread: Homecoming Hugs?

  1. Old Newbie
    leeny92's Avatar
    leeny92 is offline
    Old Newbie
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Posts
    17
    #1

    Homecoming Hugs?

    Advertisements
    Hey y'all! This may be a silly question, but I'm clueless. My fiancé is coming home from an eight month deployment. His parents and siblings will be there. I feel like I should be the first to get to hug him? I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but I'm def going to be sprinting to him lol! Let me know if I'm crossing boundaries please


    Update: this was stressing me out, which is ridiculous lol! I just asked him and he said I worry too much and if I wasn't the first to be in his arms he would be extremely upset and disappointed. Thanks everyone for the advice
    Last edited by leeny92; 09-01-2017 at 06:40 AM. Reason: Update
  2. Senior Member
    Guynavywife's Avatar
    Guynavywife is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    19,310
    Blog Entries
    2
    #2
    Well, your the only who gets to have sex with him after, so let the others have the hug.
    If you want my opinion on your relationship or life issues, just ask Villanelle!
    Quote Originally Posted by LittleMsSunshine View Post
    I think it's really funny when people come on here, and automatically assume that everyone here is a gung-ho, hoo-rah, i-bleed-red-white-and-blue, kiss-my-military-ass, people-in-uniform-can-do-no-wrong, and i'm-entitled-to-everything bitch.
    "RIP Blackie, and Whitey, New Whitey. Goodbye Poopers and Momma Beige and Lady Grey. New Blackie and the Whitey Sisters rule the roost now!"
  3. Old Newbie
    leeny92's Avatar
    leeny92 is offline
    Old Newbie
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Posts
    17
    #3
    Lol!! That is true. Still, when I see him after 8 months it will be difficult to restrain myself and let others hug him first. Thanks for the laugh!
  4. Senior Member
    Medic2Doula's Avatar
    Medic2Doula is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Location
    San Diego, CA
    Posts
    1,330
    #4
    if you want the honest truth
    being possessive and demanding to be the first to get hugs or what have you, is the best thing you can do to turn his family off to you.
  5. Senior Member
    Margot31's Avatar
    Margot31 is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    896
    #5
    Let him make the choice. If he comes off the ship and goes to you first than this his problem. But I would stand back first.

    The first time my sister deployed and came home she went straight to her husband which they were only dating at the time. My dad realized the guy was sticking around.
  6. Old Newbie
    leeny92's Avatar
    leeny92 is offline
    Old Newbie
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Posts
    17
    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Margot31 View Post
    Let him make the choice. If he comes off the ship and goes to you first than this his problem. But I would stand back first.

    The first time my sister deployed and came home she went straight to her husband which they were only dating at the time. My dad realized the guy was sticking around.
    That's great advice! Thanks
  7. Senior Member
    Allybeth's Avatar
    Allybeth is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    730
    #7
    Just let it play out naturally. Don't be a jerk and push everyone aside and demand a hug first when he really just wants to give his mom a hug. Stand back and see what HE wants.
  8. Senior Member
    villanelle's Avatar
    villanelle is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    14,790
    #8
    To me, right now, you aren't family yet. Yes, I know that's harsh. But in your shoes, I would sort of assume it will be his mom, and be pleasantly surpriused if he reaches for me first. You could also ask him about it, but sometimes these things are hard to exactly orchestrate, and if he tells you it will be you but his mom reaches him first, he's unlikely to shove her aside so you can have top billing, and then you'll be disappointed.

    And just so you know I do understand what it's like to be a fiancee (because yes, I was one once, as were most of us)... DH got his pilot wings, which is already a pretty big deal. And through a series of coincidences, he actually got winged by an Admiral at a national convention, which is very unusual. (Usually one Naval Aviator per year.) So it was a big formal ceremony. (Truly formal. I was in a gown.) My parents were there, as was his mom. We were engaged and well into our wedding planning. But I assumed his mom would wing him and was 100% fine with that. She told me to do it, and I gently pushed back because I didn't want her giving that up if it meant a lot to her. She insisted so I ended up doing it. And yes, it was a great moment and a great memory, but I wasn't going to get greedy or territorial about something like that.

    These things set the tone for your relationship with your ILs. Be gracious and humble, and respect that those people have been his family for a couple decades. Making something as silly as who gets hugged first into a petty battle over territory is exactly the kind of thing that causes IL relationships to go sour. And over something as meaningless as waiting 5 seconds for a hug? Try to hold on to the perspective. And a good life partner is going to value what he wants most, given that he's the one who was just deployed for months.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
  9. Old Newbie
    leeny92's Avatar
    leeny92 is offline
    Old Newbie
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Posts
    17
    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    To me, right now, you aren't family yet. Yes, I know that's harsh. But in your shoes, I would sort of assume it will be his mom, and be pleasantly surpriused if he reaches for me first. You could also ask him about it, but sometimes these things are hard to exactly orchestrate, and if he tells you it will be you but his mom reaches him first, he's unlikely to shove her aside so you can have top billing, and then you'll be disappointed.

    And just so you know I do understand what it's like to be a fiancee (because yes, I was one once, as were most of us)... DH got his pilot wings, which is already a pretty big deal. And through a series of coincidences, he actually got winged by an Admiral at a national convention, which is very unusual. (Usually one Naval Aviator per year.) So it was a big formal ceremony. (Truly formal. I was in a gown.) My parents were there, as was his mom. We were engaged and well into our wedding planning. But I assumed his mom would wing him and was 100% fine with that. She told me to do it, and I gently pushed back because I didn't want her giving that up if it meant a lot to her. She insisted so I ended up doing it. And yes, it was a great moment and a great memory, but I wasn't going to get greedy or territorial about something like that.

    These things set the tone for your relationship with your ILs. Be gracious and humble, and respect that those people have been his family for a couple decades. Making something as silly as who gets hugged first into a petty battle over territory is exactly the kind of thing that causes IL relationships to go sour. And over something as meaningless as waiting 5 seconds for a hug? Try to hold on to the perspective. And a good life partner is going to value what he wants most, given that he's the one who was just deployed for months.
    Hi! Thanks for your thoughts. I'm not too worried about rocking the boat with the inlaws, as they are my parent's best friends and they've known me since birth. My fiancé and I also own a home together, two dogs and are in a very stable relationship. He's out of the military in a year...if he was staying in we would already be married!

    I'm not concerned about being in a petty battle over a hug as much as getting overly emotional about the situation, because as we all probably know, homecomings fill us with many different emotions!
  10. Regular Member
    marinemainsqueez's Avatar
    marinemainsqueez is offline
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Posts
    117
    #10
    lolol I actually worried about this as well during DH's first deployment! (Was just by boyfriend a that time). Sadly, his family was not able to attend the homecoming so it made it easy for me because I was the only one there. However, if his family had been there, I would have stepped back and allowed them to hug him first. I think it's just respectful, also... if you grab the last hug you can make it last a little longer without worrying about who is next in line
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •