Military Significant Others and Spouse Support - MilitarySOS.com
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 16

Thread: Husband is separating and is possibly losing his mind?

  1. Fresh Newbie
    Reb1208's Avatar
    Reb1208 is offline
    Fresh Newbie
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Posts
    5
    #1

    Husband is separating and is possibly losing his mind?

    Advertisements
    Ok so brace yourselves for a long one:
    Here's a short backstory: DH and I have been married for almost 5 years, together over 6 1/2. We had a fairytale romance, and have been head over heels in love pretty much the entire time. (Of course we have the typical disagreements and communication problems that almost all marriages face... we aren't perfect)
    well, DH was diagnosed with 1 cancer almost 2 years ago. He had surgery and his doctors chose surveillance over chemo. About 6 months later he cancer returned to other parts of his body and he went through chemo. All of this stress and the emotional rollercoaster we've been through was really hard on us. We always planned to have 3 kids, and although we have one- we will need medical help to have any more. About a month after chemo, the doctors found thyroid cancer, and my DH had a complete throidectomy.
    So for those of you that don't know, the thyroid is involved in a lot of the body's functions. One of them being hormone production. When someone loses all of their thyroid, depression and poor mental state is a side effect. No one told us this...
    so DH is going through the process of getting medically discharged after being in for 8 years. He planned on being a lifer. We made all of these plans as to what we are going to do when he is separated, and although it's super scary for us both, we have known we are going to be ok.
    Fast forward a little: DH sends me and our son to help my sister who is on bedrest in another state. He has a friend from high school visit him for a week and everything changed.
    He starts acting weird, and I called him out on it. He basically tells me he's been thinking of divorce, he wouldn't fight me for any custody of our son, he wants to move to the mountains where he's from and live alone and how peaceful and simple that sounds. He says he doesn't know if I'm the right woman for him, and he never would get married again. All of this he is saying with no emotion or care in the world. WTF. Completely blindsided.
    So I fly home early the next day. Everyone that knows him says he must be having some kind of mental breakdown. We get home and start talking And we both cried and cried. This man never really cries. We have agreed on marriage counseling, and start this next week.
    He went to his psychiatrist on base who basically told him he thinks his thyroid levels are low and making him depressed, and that since he's facing separation from the military, he's doing what a lot of guys do and shedding people from his life.
    We've been talking for days. He still doesn't know what he wants. He won't say "I love you" because he doesn't want to lead me on. He still says planning a future for our family and not just himself is hard. When he looks at me he no longer sees love or happiness.
    Has anyone ever experienced any of this!?! I feel so alone since this is such a unique situation. I love my husband, and I'm going to fight for us and our family, but it's starting to make me wonder if I'm wasting time and he really doesn't want me and my son anymore, or if he's just going through a mental crisis due to hormones, depression, anxiety and military separation.
    If you made it this far into my post; you're amazing.
    TIA.
  2. Senior Member
    Guynavywife's Avatar
    Guynavywife is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    19,310
    Blog Entries
    2
    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by Reb1208 View Post
    Ok so brace yourselves for a long one:
    Here's a short backstory: DH and I have been married for almost 5 years, together over 6 1/2. We had a fairytale romance, and have been head over heels in love pretty much the entire time. (Of course we have the typical disagreements and communication problems that almost all marriages face... we aren't perfect)
    well, DH was diagnosed with 1 cancer almost 2 years ago. He had surgery and his doctors chose surveillance over chemo. About 6 months later he cancer returned to other parts of his body and he went through chemo. All of this stress and the emotional rollercoaster we've been through was really hard on us. We always planned to have 3 kids, and although we have one- we will need medical help to have any more. About a month after chemo, the doctors found thyroid cancer, and my DH had a complete throidectomy.
    So for those of you that don't know, the thyroid is involved in a lot of the body's functions. One of them being hormone production. When someone loses all of their thyroid, depression and poor mental state is a side effect. No one told us this...
    so DH is going through the process of getting medically discharged after being in for 8 years. He planned on being a lifer. We made all of these plans as to what we are going to do when he is separated, and although it's super scary for us both, we have known we are going to be ok.
    Fast forward a little: DH sends me and our son to help my sister who is on bedrest in another state. He has a friend from high school visit him for a week and everything changed.
    He starts acting weird, and I called him out on it. He basically tells me he's been thinking of divorce, he wouldn't fight me for any custody of our son, he wants to move to the mountains where he's from and live alone and how peaceful and simple that sounds. He says he doesn't know if I'm the right woman for him, and he never would get married again. All of this he is saying with no emotion or care in the world. WTF. Completely blindsided.
    So I fly home early the next day. Everyone that knows him says he must be having some kind of mental breakdown. We get home and start talking And we both cried and cried. This man never really cries. We have agreed on marriage counseling, and start this next week.
    He went to his psychiatrist on base who basically told him he thinks his thyroid levels are low and making him depressed, and that since he's facing separation from the military, he's doing what a lot of guys do and shedding people from his life.
    We've been talking for days. He still doesn't know what he wants. He won't say "I love you" because he doesn't want to lead me on. He still says planning a future for our family and not just himself is hard. When he looks at me he no longer sees love or happiness.
    Has anyone ever experienced any of this!?! I feel so alone since this is such a unique situation. I love my husband, and I'm going to fight for us and our family, but it's starting to make me wonder if I'm wasting time and he really doesn't want me and my son anymore, or if he's just going through a mental crisis due to hormones, depression, anxiety and military separation.
    If you made it this far into my post; you're amazing.
    TIA.
    Made it through.
    Only one question of signifigance:
    What is he doing to deal with the mental health issues?
    If you want my opinion on your relationship or life issues, just ask Villanelle!
    Quote Originally Posted by LittleMsSunshine View Post
    I think it's really funny when people come on here, and automatically assume that everyone here is a gung-ho, hoo-rah, i-bleed-red-white-and-blue, kiss-my-military-ass, people-in-uniform-can-do-no-wrong, and i'm-entitled-to-everything bitch.
    "RIP Blackie, and Whitey, New Whitey. Goodbye Poopers and Momma Beige and Lady Grey. New Blackie and the Whitey Sisters rule the roost now!"
  3. Waiting Around
    Mac N Cheese's Avatar
    Mac N Cheese is offline
    Waiting Around
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Wisconsin
    Posts
    26,418
    Blog Entries
    1
    #3
    It sounds like his having a break down. Which y'all are dealing with. At least he's already taken steps for help. My husband last year was medically separated. He was originally planning for life for the most part. It was a huge change just for that. He was already in treatment for depression so for the most part he handled it well but was seeing and talking with a therapist the whole time.
    I hope he keeps getting help. If you can keep supporting him cause once the right meds kick in he should see "clearer" and see how the changes are effecting him.
    ❤️❤️❤️
    Follow Rylee's progress

  4. Fresh Newbie
    Reb1208's Avatar
    Reb1208 is offline
    Fresh Newbie
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Posts
    5
    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Guynavywife View Post
    Made it through.
    Only one question of signifigance:
    What is he doing to deal with the mental health issues?
    I should have mentioned: he is in therapy as well as seeing a psychologist regularly. He has literally about 10-15 different Drs. 2 for mental health and like 3-4 different ones that handle hormones and such.
  5. Pour a little salt, we were never here
    [his] lobster's Avatar
    [his] lobster is offline
    Pour a little salt, we were never here
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    8,737

    #5
    I'm sorry you're going through this. I haven't experienced the same thing as you, but my husband was planning to retire as well but has recently had to consider getting out at fifteen years instead. We're still going through various plans, but it absolutely does stress him out to think of leaving the comfort of regular pay and affordable medical care (I have a genetic disease and require a lot of doctors, meds, hospital stays, etc...). It's honestly been a lot more challenging than I would have anticipated.
  6. Senior Member
    Medic2Doula's Avatar
    Medic2Doula is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Location
    San Diego, CA
    Posts
    1,330
    #6
    oh god.
    this is so much for you to handle, I'm so sorry.
    It sounds like he is going through a whole lot, it is hard for people to go through providing for their family and then losing that ability alone, without adding the thyroid issue and everything else he is dealing with.
    This is the sickness of in sickness and health, and the worse of better and worse. I get the feeling that things will work out but it is going to be hard. Loving someone who is going through mental illness is hard, and you have so much on top of that.
    He is so lucky to have you, and will likely appreciate you so much when things are better.
    I'm so sorry
  7. Senior Member
    idratherbehiking's Avatar
    idratherbehiking is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Location
    Arendelle
    Posts
    5,783
    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Reb1208 View Post
    Ok so brace yourselves for a long one:
    Here's a short backstory: DH and I have been married for almost 5 years, together over 6 1/2. We had a fairytale romance, and have been head over heels in love pretty much the entire time. (Of course we have the typical disagreements and communication problems that almost all marriages face... we aren't perfect)
    well, DH was diagnosed with 1 cancer almost 2 years ago. He had surgery and his doctors chose surveillance over chemo. About 6 months later he cancer returned to other parts of his body and he went through chemo. All of this stress and the emotional rollercoaster we've been through was really hard on us. We always planned to have 3 kids, and although we have one- we will need medical help to have any more. About a month after chemo, the doctors found thyroid cancer, and my DH had a complete throidectomy.
    So for those of you that don't know, the thyroid is involved in a lot of the body's functions. One of them being hormone production. When someone loses all of their thyroid, depression and poor mental state is a side effect. No one told us this...
    so DH is going through the process of getting medically discharged after being in for 8 years.
    He planned on being a lifer. We made all of these plans as to what we are going to do when he is separated, and although it's super scary for us both, we have known we are going to be ok.
    Fast forward a little: DH sends me and our son to help my sister who is on bedrest in another state. He has a friend from high school visit him for a week and everything changed.
    He starts acting weird, and I called him out on it. He basically tells me he's been thinking of divorce, he wouldn't fight me for any custody of our son, he wants to move to the mountains where he's from and live alone and how peaceful and simple that sounds. He says he doesn't know if I'm the right woman for him, and he never would get married again. All of this he is saying with no emotion or care in the world. WTF. Completely blindsided.
    So I fly home early the next day. Everyone that knows him says he must be having some kind of mental breakdown. We get home and start talking And we both cried and cried. This man never really cries. We have agreed on marriage counseling, and start this next week.
    He went to his psychiatrist on base who basically told him he thinks his thyroid levels are low and making him depressed, and that since he's facing separation from the military, he's doing what a lot of guys do and shedding people from his life.
    We've been talking for days. He still doesn't know what he wants. He won't say "I love you" because he doesn't want to lead me on. He still says planning a future for our family and not just himself is hard. When he looks at me he no longer sees love or happiness.
    Has anyone ever experienced any of this!?! I feel so alone since this is such a unique situation. I love my husband, and I'm going to fight for us and our family, but it's starting to make me wonder if I'm wasting time and he really doesn't want me and my son anymore, or if he's just going through a mental crisis due to hormones, depression, anxiety and military separation.
    If you made it this far into my post; you're amazing.
    TIA.
    Quote Originally Posted by Reb1208 View Post
    I should have mentioned: he is in therapy as well as seeing a psychologist regularly. He has literally about 10-15 different Drs. 2 for mental health and like 3-4 different ones that handle hormones and such.
    My dad had thyroid cancer and had a thyroidectomy. The cancer came back a few years later and he was treated again. I don't believe he became depressed by it. Several years before my dad's cancer, I had thyroid disease and had to be treated with radioactive iodine. That was 12 years ago, but I remember shortly after my treatment, when I still wasn't on meds, loosing interest in a lot of activities I loved doing. I was pretty young (school aged) so I thought this was going to ruin my life.

    Is your husband taking syntroid yet? Once they got my dosage figured out things got a lot better for me. Immediately after treatment they test your levels like every 3 months or so to figure out your syntroid dosage, then it's like every 6 months, then once a year for the rest of your life.

    I think what's going on with his hormones coupled with the fact that he's getting out of the military when he wasn't ready to get out is enough to make anyone freak out a little. It's good that he's seeing a counselor. Honestly, I feel once they get his levels under control things will get a lot better.
    Last edited by idratherbehiking; 08-20-2017 at 06:41 PM.




  8. Fresh Newbie
    Reb1208's Avatar
    Reb1208 is offline
    Fresh Newbie
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Posts
    5
    #8
    Thank you for the support everyone.
    I'm standing by this man no matter what. I told him that even if he does decide to leave us, that I will still make sure he is ok. It's just so hard!!

    He's not taking the same medication as the one you mentioned. He's on thyroxine I believe. I feel like his ENT oncologist and his endocrinologist have dropped the ball on testing his hormone levels. His psychologist seems to be more concerned about it than they do. His psychologist previously specialized in patients with thyroid disorders, and so I feel like he was definitely lucky in getting assigned to him.
    I really hope everything works out. He's going to have to make me leave if that's what he wants. It's just weird. After I came home, we hugged a lot, we've been physically intimate. He kisses me still, calls me baby, etc. He won't tell me he loves me anymore because he says he doesn't want to lead me on or anything until he figures out what's going on with himself. It's really hard not hearing those words when you've heard them everyday(minus deployments and trainings) for the past 6 years. Ughhhhh.
  9. Senior Member
    idratherbehiking's Avatar
    idratherbehiking is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Location
    Arendelle
    Posts
    5,783
    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Reb1208 View Post
    Thank you for the support everyone.
    I'm standing by this man no matter what. I told him that even if he does decide to leave us, that I will still make sure he is ok. It's just so hard!!

    He's not taking the same medication as the one you mentioned. He's on thyroxine I believe. I feel like his ENT oncologist and his endocrinologist have dropped the ball on testing his hormone levels. His psychologist seems to be more concerned about it than they do. His psychologist previously specialized in patients with thyroid disorders, and so I feel like he was definitely lucky in getting assigned to him.
    I really hope everything works out. He's going to have to make me leave if that's what he wants. It's just weird. After I came home, we hugged a lot, we've been physically intimate. He kisses me still, calls me baby, etc. He won't tell me he loves me anymore because he says he doesn't want to lead me on or anything until he figures out what's going on with himself. It's really hard not hearing those words when you've heard them everyday(minus deployments and trainings) for the past 6 years. Ughhhhh.
    Synthroid, Levothyroxine, Levoxyl, ect. all treat the same thing. I'm surprised his doctors aren't concerned with his levels. After my treatment my doctors used to test me like crazy until my levels were regulated. It seemed like I was in the lab giving blood samples every other month. If I feel "off" then I have them test me.

    You might have mentioned it already but how long has it been since the thyroidectomy?




  10. Fresh Newbie
    Reb1208's Avatar
    Reb1208 is offline
    Fresh Newbie
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Posts
    5
    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by idratherbehiking View Post
    Synthroid, Levothyroxine, Levoxyl, ect. all treat the same thing. I'm surprised his doctors aren't concerned with his levels. After my treatment my doctors used to test me like crazy until my levels were regulated. It seemed like I was in the lab giving blood samples every other month. If I feel "off" then I have them test me.

    You might have mentioned it already but how long has it been since the thyroidectomy?
    He had his right side removed back in May, and that's when they found the cancer. His other side was removed this July. Maybe I need to be the annoying wife and call them. He has hair loss around the sides of his head in addition to all of his mood changes.
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •