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Thread: Worried about change, but not the good kind.

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    #1

    Worried about change, but not the good kind.

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    I'm sure I'm not the only person in the world to worry about this, but I'm worried about how different my DB will be when he returns from basic. Right now I believe he is going through OSUT at FLW in MO. I could be wrong, but either way he is going through boot camp and ait, but he never mentioned osut before. He called this morning from processing to tell me he was leaving for actual basic. Already he sounded very different. It might be worth noting that my DB is very easily influenced by others and enjoys fitting in and being a leader and accepted. I'm just worried that he's going to come back a COMPLETELY different person. I could be blowing my mind way out of proportion, I have severe anxiety and a major depressive disorder that tells me he's going to leave me all the time, and this bit of change just might be feeding my bad thoughts because I'm vulnerable. Has anyone expirienced your soldier coming home and just not caring anymore? I love him so much, and I know he loves me too. i'm just so anxious it makes me sick to think about the possibility of waiting all that time for my baby to come home only to lose him.

    TL;DR - How likely is it that my DB is going to come home from his 20 some weeks of training and decide he doesn't really want to be with me anymore?
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    #2
    My first question is why do you know where your BF is? How long have you guys been together. My SO did not change after Basic.
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by AdaraMarie View Post
    My first question is why do you know where your BF is? How long have you guys been together. My SO did not change after Basic.
    I second all of this. I did not change after basic; most people don't. IME those that do change are usually becoming a stronger person overall, not becoming an unrecognizable monster.
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    #4
    I feel like most people don't really "change" during basic. Some grow up, so he might be more mature, but it's more than likely that he'll be the same guy he was before.

    DH seemed very different when I went to his graduation from basic, but that only lasted for a day or two.

    I would start practicing some techniques to calm down when your anxiety gets bad. It sounds like it's causing some pretty big insecurities and that can be damaging to you and your relationship.
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    #5
    I don't think basic changes anyone. I think some people get to basic and see a world beyond what they've experiences in their young life up to that point, especially if they are from a small town or otherwise sheltered. And it can change what they want from the world and for the future because they see possibilities they never considered before. But I don't think it makes anyone a different person than they were before.

    You want reassurance he won't break up with you, but no one can give you that, unfortunately. And the fact that you are asking the question means there are underlying insecurities about the relationship or about his character, which doesn't entirely bode well.

    All you can do is fall back on the strength of your relationship and the belief you have in this man and the respect you have for him. If those things are weak, it's going to be a rough 20 weeks, but frankly it, will be a rough 4 years (or however long he's in the military) and will continue to be rough beyond that, too. Successful relationships don't have much room for those kinds of doubts. So spend some time really being honest with yourself. Is this just nerves, in which case remind yourself you have no good reason to worry. Or is it anxiety caused by a lack of faith and trust in what you have and who you have it with, in which case you probably need to be asking yourself some additional, possibly painful questions.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Svnshineeee View Post
    I'm sure I'm not the only person in the world to worry about this, but I'm worried about how different my DB will be when he returns from basic. Right now I believe he is going through OSUT at FLW in MO. I could be wrong, but either way he is going through boot camp and ait, but he never mentioned osut before. He called this morning from processing to tell me he was leaving for actual basic. Already he sounded very different. It might be worth noting that my DB is very easily influenced by others and enjoys fitting in and being a leader and accepted. I'm just worried that he's going to come back a COMPLETELY different person. I could be blowing my mind way out of proportion, I have severe anxiety and a major depressive disorder that tells me he's going to leave me all the time, and this bit of change just might be feeding my bad thoughts because I'm vulnerable. Has anyone expirienced your soldier coming home and just not caring anymore? I love him so much, and I know he loves me too. i'm just so anxious it makes me sick to think about the possibility of waiting all that time for my baby to come home only to lose him.

    TL;DR - How likely is it that my DB is going to come home from his 20 some weeks of training and decide he doesn't really want to be with me anymore?
    I was with my husband before he joined the Marines. I do not believe that boot camp changes a service member's personality. I think in a lot of cases where SOs blame the military for their DB/DF/DH ending the relationship is because they need an excuse for why their partner lost interest. The military might make a person stronger, more driven or goal oriented, and more responsible; but, the core of their personality remains the same.

    That being said, my DH (then DB) was definitely awkward the first few days after boot camp graduation. That's normal with Marines. Their boot camp is 3 months (really 4 months) of combat training and being hazed by drill instructors. After a short time back in the real world my DH returned to normal. Life in the military after all the initial training and schooling is, for the most part, pretty normal.

    Have you been professionally diagnosed by a doctor or a counselor for your anxiety and depression? Are you taking any medicine and/or receiving counseling?




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