Military Significant Others and Spouse Support - MilitarySOS.com
Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: Needing advice with marriage

  1. Fresh Newbie
    melissakmiller97's Avatar
    melissakmiller97 is offline
    Fresh Newbie
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Posts
    2
    #1

    Needing advice with marriage

    Advertisements
    My boyfriend and I have been talking about marriage for awhile. He has also Been talking about going into the military, specifically army. We have decided to marry before he goes to basic. I have grown up in a military household. (Dad was in airforce and both brothers are in Army). I am just confused on how me moving with him works after he gets to his first duty station. Also what about enrolling me into DEERS. Should i wait until after i am moved down there since i already have a military ID dependent card through my dad? Also, We are going to do a court house and then a bigger actual wedding after we are settled a couple years, it is like jumping through hoops to get the leave for weddings? Any other advice you would like to throw in is much appreciated. 😊
  2. Senior Member
    villanelle's Avatar
    villanelle is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    14,790
    #2
    Yes, it is jumping through hoops to get leave for weddings, especially when you are already married. Most commands are just going to consider that a "vacation", which means it will get no special consideration. DH and I actually got married at our wedding, and still he was given exactly... zero days of leave. He wasn't even allowed to leave early on Friday for the rehearsal. We planned according, doing the wedding fairly close to where he was stationed (about 1.5 hour drive) and having a back up plan for the rehearsal if he couldn't make it (video with a friend standing in for him, though DH ended up making it just in time), and we chose a federal holiday weekend so we would probably have at least that extra day.

    And many, if not most people who plan to do a big wedding alter don't get around to it. And if they do, they often find friends and family aren't nearly as excited or supportive. Because many of them aren't going to consider it a wedding since a wedding is when you get married, so they aren't going to prioritize it or treat it like they would an actual wedding. If have a big, traditional wedding is important to you, wait and get married when you can do that. Don't try to have your wedding cake and eat it to.

    Also, it sounds like you are 20 years old. Don't get married. Just don't. I'm sure you won't listen, and like every young poster here (and every young person in general) you will claim you are so mature. But you aren't because basically no one is. And we have many posters here, some still married and some divorced, who will tell you they were in your shoes and were so convinced they were the exception, but in retrospect, they wish they would have waited.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
  3. Senior Member
    dekeoboe's Avatar
    dekeoboe is online now
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    3,834
    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by melissakmiller97 View Post
    Also what about enrolling me into DEERS. Should i wait until after i am moved down there since i already have a military ID dependent card through my dad?
    Once you get legally married, you will no longer be your father's dependent so you military dependent ID card through him will no longer be valid.
  4. "If you don't like my attitude, quit talking to me"
    TrishAFSpouse's Avatar
    TrishAFSpouse is offline
    "If you don't like my attitude, quit talking to me"
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    12,308
    #4
    DEERS enrollment is automatic once he goes down to the DEERS office to supply them marriage license. As stated, your dependent ID under your father will be null and void once you get married.
    As far as moving, since you will be married before he gets his orders the military will pay to move you to the duty station from where you are. I assume you are at his HOR, if not, this can get tricky as he gets either HOR move, or move you, can't do both (if memory servers.. I could be incorrect on this).

    How long have you been dating?

    There are 10 types of people in the world, those that understand binary and those that don't
  5. Senior Member
    idratherbehiking's Avatar
    idratherbehiking is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Location
    Arendelle
    Posts
    5,783
    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by melissakmiller97 View Post
    My boyfriend and I have been talking about marriage for awhile. He has also Been talking about going into the military, specifically army. We have decided to marry before he goes to basic. I have grown up in a military household. (Dad was in airforce and both brothers are in Army). I am just confused on how me moving with him works after he gets to his first duty station. Also what about enrolling me into DEERS. Should i wait until after i am moved down there since i already have a military ID dependent card through my dad? Also, We are going to do a court house and then a bigger actual wedding after we are settled a couple years, it is like jumping through hoops to get the leave for weddings? Any other advice you would like to throw in is much appreciated. ��
    The ease of getting leave approved really depends on command, job, and time of year. Service members earn 2.5 days of leave a month, so that's something to keep in mind when planning your big wedding.




  6. Regular Member
    LifeHappens's Avatar
    LifeHappens is offline
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Posts
    197
    #6

    takes me back...

    I think I heard those exact words when I got married at 18 - lol

    Additionally, the reasoning center of the human brain (frontal lobe) is not fully developed until mid-20's.
    No one should get married until that happens.

    <Also, it sounds like you are 20 years old. Don't get married. Just don't. I'm sure you won't listen, and like every young poster here (and every young person in general) you will claim you are so mature. But you aren't because basically no one is. And we have many posters here, some still married and some divorced, who will tell you they were in your shoes and were so convinced they were the exception, but in retrospect, they wish they would have waited.>
  7. Regular Member
    marinemainsqueez's Avatar
    marinemainsqueez is offline
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Posts
    117
    #7
    I was one of those people that never got around to planning the big wedding, even though that was what we initially intended to do. Life is busy, things get in the way. This was okay for me because the courthouse was plenty for us, but keep in mind that it may be hard to push yourself to plan this big wedding when you are already married.

    As for what previous posters said, you sound quite young. Don't get married for the sake of getting married and being able to move with him. If he is just considering going into the military then he still has a long road ahead of him, it says on your profile that you are engaged and how about you just stay engaged for a little bit? Grow together but maybe slow things down?

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •