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Thread: Setting up a support system for veteran

  1. Fresh Newbie
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    #1

    Setting up a support system for veteran

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    I have been dealing with my husband's PTSD by myself and we've gotten to the point that we know our relationship cannot continue without medication and some form of help. We live in a rural area and it has been impossible for him to get regular therapy (he only seeks help when things get bad and then the VA ends that round of therapy before any progress can be felt at home). For the last couple of months I have been insistent on him telling his mom so that he can have an advocate outside of this marriage. He keeps telling me that he will but nothing materializes. She is coming to visit next week and I have been clear that she needs to know our situation beforehand because he needs real help and I can no longer pretend everything is ok. He seems embarrassed and doesn't want to burden his mother with his problems. I want to tell her because her son's health is important to both of us but he sees this as a major breech in trust and is willing to walk away from our marriage if I do. I really don't know if should bite the bullet, tell her, and possibly end the relationship or if I'm totally out of line here. What is the best way to get him the support system he desperately needs?
  2. Dancing Backwards in High Heels
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    #2
    Have you contacted your county's VA office? While you might not have a local VA facility, its my understanding that all counties (even my rural one) have a VA officer that can help coordinate therapy through VA Choice I think.
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    We've run into choice providers that don't get paid and end care, use appointments to fill out paperwork or obviously don't have the experience needed to deal with veterans and advise me to do things that will end in complete anger and total avoidance. We have to drive an hour to the nearest choice provider but no one actually seems interested in helping, just getting paid.
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    #4
    can you research EMDR? I know he needs professional help, but EMDR could possibly start at home, and it helped me tons.
  5. Fresh Newbie
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    I don't know if he's tried EMDR but I know that he's tried some form of cognitive behavioral therapy. I'm not included in his healthcare plan and therefore have to ask the right and sometimes very specific questions to find out what he's working on. His CBT round concluded and I only found out months later because I noticed he wasn't going to appointments. There has been no follow up on treatment, including medication.
    After researching EMDR, I'm not sure how he can start it at home, can you give some examples?
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Medic2Doula View Post
    can you research EMDR? I know he needs professional help, but EMDR could possibly start at home, and it helped me tons.
    My husband is doing EMDR during his therapy sessions and it has been helping him so much! No real advice other than to say that it's worked for him amd give
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    #7
    It has been shown that medication management by a psychiatrist (or other licensed professional) and talk therapy of some kind, possibly EMDR can be most beneficial when utilized together. Based on your previous statement it seems as though you know this for your husband's specific condition. It may be helpful to research the benefits of combined treatments and present factual information to him, along with possible options in your area (if possible). Though you mentioned the VA is not providing services that have been helpful to his treatment the VFW (or a similar organization) may be able to help you guys find other resources in your area. If he is still not on board and you feel his mother is the missing piece to his support system I would speak with him about why you want to involve her. It may be helpful to explain to him that you feel alone in caring for him and that you genuinely want to involve someone who may be able to help improve his quality of care. I can only imagine how much strain this puts on your relationship system so if you try to encourage him to share the information with his mother for your good instead of his good he may be more willing to do it. Lastly, if you think he feels embarrassed to share with his mom validation that it hasn't changed your opinion of him and that it certainly won't change his mothers may be helpful as well.
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    mulm16 makes some very good points, I would also add maybe trying Defense Centers of Excellence for Psychological Health (DCOE) 24/7 outreach center: (866) 966-1020
    DCOE offers: Monthly Webinars, Training, TBI Information, Resources and PTSD treatment options. Or MilitaryOneSource Contact them 24/7 at (800) 342.9647, there services are free. These both seem like decent options considering your location dilemma. Also depending on how your husband feels about online support groups, maybe seeing if he would be willing to reach out online?
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    #9
    Hello,
    Just to add a resource, I have heard a few people mention the 1-877-WAR-VETS (1-877-927-8387). This could be a good alternative because a an active duty member or Veteran can to talk to another Veteran. That could be helpful to talk to someone who has gone through or knows what it is like to experience what he is experiencing.

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