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Thread: How easy is it for you to meet new people?

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    #1

    How easy is it for you to meet new people?

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    My last visit with my LDR DB was just okay. I met his best friend(s) of 6 years (they're a married couple) and I felt extremely out of place for our weekend couple trip. They all shared memories and have inside jokes and I felt pretty unincluded because I'm also fairly new to dating someone in the military so I don't have much background on bases, how military living is, etc,.

    Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty quiet at first but I really felt like a fifth wheel on a four wheel party. I didn't have many things to talk about because it was a new country I've never been to (or researched) and just met the people, and felt like I was in my own world tagging behind my boyfriend even. It was almost as if I wasn't there and he was more excited to talk to them. I mean we held hands sometimes but then eventually he'd go up to where they were walking and he'd occasionally check back to make sure I was still there/following.

    Is it normal to feel like this, or if we were all regularly together more often making memories do you think it'd get better or easier for me to feel included? I can't tell if he's the type that ignores when friends are around or if it's me being quiet because I have no history with the group. Like I can tell he's used to it just being the 3 of them and I just felt eh while we did the group couple thing.
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    #2
    I tend to shut down in situations like that too but I think you should talk to your DB about including you. He's probably not realizing it but it's kind of rude imo to bring you along with strangers and then only have conversations with them that you can't participate in. I mean there are countless infinities of topics to discuss, he should be able to steer the conversation away from his own memories and inside jokes to something that you can be included in.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Heisenberg View Post
    I tend to shut down in situations like that too but I think you should talk to your DB about including you. He's probably not realizing it but it's kind of rude imo to bring you along with strangers and then only have conversations with them that you can't participate in. I mean there are countless infinities of topics to discuss, he should be able to steer the conversation away from his own memories and inside jokes to something that you can be included in.
    Yeah I was super excited to meet his friends because I know they're important to him, but then they also brought another military couple a long and so it felt like I had no one to talk to so I just sat there quiet the majority of the time. Like I wouldn't want to do another couple trip if he asked because it felt like I wasted my time there with my DB because he barely even talked to me, like assumed I'd hop into a conversation with the other girls who were there and who have been friends.

    Just wondering if it gets easier and if I should just push outside my comfort zone and act interested in their stories and what not.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Heisenberg View Post
    I tend to shut down in situations like that too but I think you should talk to your DB about including you. He's probably not realizing it but it's kind of rude imo to bring you along with strangers and then only have conversations with them that you can't participate in. I mean there are countless infinities of topics to discuss, he should be able to steer the conversation away from his own memories and inside jokes to something that you can be included in.
    I'm the exact same way. This was something that happened a few times towards the start of mine and DBs relationship. A lot of mine stemmed from being brand new to military life and not understanding half of the things they were talking about.

    DB actually noticed how quiet I was and asked me one time after we had spent the day with friends if I was feeling okay and I told him my thoughts on the situation. He honestly had no idea that he was kind of "leaving me behind" because he knew I was so strong socially, he thought I was fine, just tired or not feeling well. Since then he makes much more of an effort to stay by my side and will explain things in a little more detail to me in the midst of the conversation so that I can participate in their conversation or will steer the conversation else where. This has really helped his friends too, they're great people and don't mind explaining things as well, DB will start to clarify for me and then they do as well. So like PP, I recommend you talk with him about it. I'm sure he has no idea you're stressing about it.

    In addition, as you get to know them and make your own memories it will get easier!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Missmelbell19 View Post
    I'm the exact same way. This was something that happened a few times towards the start of mine and DBs relationship. A lot of mine stemmed from being brand new to military life and not understanding half of the things they were talking about.

    DB actually noticed how quiet I was and asked me one time after we had spent the day with friends if I was feeling okay and I told him my thoughts on the situation. He honestly had no idea that he was kind of "leaving me behind" because he knew I was so strong socially, he thought I was fine, just tired or not feeling well. Since then he makes much more of an effort to stay by my side and will explain things in a little more detail to me in the midst of the conversation so that I can participate in their conversation or will steer the conversation else where. This has really helped his friends too, they're great people and don't mind explaining things as well, DB will start to clarify for me and then they do as well. So like PP, I recommend you talk with him about it. I'm sure he has no idea you're stressing about it.

    In addition, as you get to know them and make your own memories it will get easier!
    Yeah, I mentioned how I felt and he was kind of an ass about it and only said, "well I've done a lot of things with them and have known them for 6 years, but either way it won't matter if you can't come with me when I'm done with my tour"

    So I'm not sure if it's him realizing I'm not 100% on being able to stay with him so hes scared or what, but his response was rude and not very hopeful on what it'd be like in the future for these kind of outings.

    I'm just hoping it's the situation, and not how it'd often be like, but don't want to push it.
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    Quote Originally Posted by LoveConquers View Post
    Yeah, I mentioned how I felt and he was kind of an ass and only said, "well I've done a lot of things with them and have known them for 6 years, plus it won't matter if you can't come with me when I'm done with my tour"

    So I'm not sure if it's him realizing I'm not 100% on being able to stay with him so hes scared or what, but his response was rude and not very hopeful on what it'd be like in the future. I'm just hoping it's the situation, and not him but don't want to push it.
    Wow, yeah. That was a real douchebag response. I would be livid if that is how DB would have reacted to me and probably would have told him I'm not interested in spending time with his friends in that case (I can be a little bit of a hot head/overdramatic at times .. lol). I'm not sure what to tell you, if fitting in with them and becoming a part of their clan is important to you and DB then I would do my best to suck it up and engage them in conversation and try to relate and make connections where I can. Sorry, girl.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Missmelbell19 View Post
    Wow, yeah. That was a real douchebag response. I would be livid if that is how DB would have reacted to me and probably would have told him I'm not interested in spending time with his friends in that case (I can be a little bit of a hot head/overdramatic at times .. lol). I'm not sure what to tell you, if fitting in with them and becoming a part of their clan is important to you and DB then I would do my best to suck it up and engage them in conversation and try to relate and make connections where I can. Sorry, girl.
    I've just been having troubles communicating with him lately I think so I'm just going through pros and cons right now because my emotions have been very strong lately about us and I'm trying to hold out mentally on ldr.
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    Quote Originally Posted by LoveConquers View Post
    I've just been having troubles communicating with him lately I think so I'm just going through pros and cons right now because my emotions have been very strong lately about us and I'm trying to hold out mentally on ldr.
    Yeah, if I remember correctly from one of your past posts your specific situation is really difficult and unique. Keep you're head up and keep fighting if he is really what you want. But if I can offer any advice it would be to keep your eyes open. A relationship with someone in the military does not become a one-way street because he is in the military. He should be there to support you no matter how your situation plays out because you are both in this together, not ready to write you off if things don't go according to his delicate plan. DB is deployed, has opposite waking/work hours from me, and has been going through a time that is significantly more stressful than he is used to but still finds time to email me once a day and to be my rock when I need it. He takes the time to support me just like I do what I can to support him, even while he is away. I don't think you deserve the way he is treating you at all.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Missmelbell19 View Post
    Yeah, if I remember correctly from one of your past posts your specific situation is really difficult and unique. Keep you're head up and keep fighting if he is really what you want. But if I can offer any advice it would be to keep your eyes open. A relationship with someone in the military does not become a one-way street because he is in the military. He should be there to support you no matter how your situation plays out because you are both in this together, not ready to write you off if things don't go according to his delicate plan. DB is deployed, has opposite waking/work hours from me, and has been going through a time that is significantly more stressful than he is used to but still finds time to email me once a day and to be my rock when I need it. He takes the time to support me just like I do what I can to support him, even while he is away. I don't think you deserve the way he is treating you at all.
    Yeah it all kind of went down hill my last visit so trying to get my priorities right because I think you're right, it feels like it could be becoming a one way street because I'm so focused on the future of us. So I took a job offer and hope I'm busy enough that I don't notice smaller things that might not usually matter.

    I'm happy for you and your DB though. 😊
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    #10
    I don't meet new people easily. I've been independent my entire life and I don't work with anyone directly so it's difficult to meet new people. I'm also pretty quiet and just observe. The most people I've met through the last year are all the new girlfriends/spouses on DHs boat.

    I don't understand your DB. I also don't understand why you're being so lenient and letting him talk to you the way he is. "It won't matter if you don't go with me" is not a proper response. If your DB sees a future with you, or wants one, he wouldn't be so negative about it. Have you spoken to him again regarding your feelings?
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