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Thread: Would appreciate helpful advice/ Navy girlfriend

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    Sad Would appreciate helpful advice/ Navy girlfriend

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    Hello there to all! I am new to this site. Once I came across it, I fell in love with the idea and after reading into it, I am so happy to have found a support group of so many people! As this is my first thread please bare with me. I have been with my sailor for a year now as we met this time last summer and was set up by a friend of his who works with him on the submarine. We have hit it off ever since and everything just feels right. At the start of the relationship he was nervous to even begin one because his change of port was a possibility to Hawaii, as currently he's in Groton Ct. Although, we both made the decision to start dating and it was the best decision we have made. Although he will be moving to Hawaii by 2018 and I am FREAKING OUT. I am currently in an associates nursing program close to his base (coincidental I promise) and will be graduating by spring 2019. I know I want to put my career first and he agrees with that, but I am scared to death of the separation, the time distance, and basically the distance apart compared to what we have now. I have done the underway and sea trials, that wasn't an issue for me because I was so busy with school that I was distracted. Although, the thought of having him across the country without me being with him makes me sick. We have discussed me going to school out there but he feels guilty in the fact he'll be deployed, out at sea, working all the time, me not getting straight into a program, being far from family, and being alone out there basically. He talks about me in the future and him taking leave (if possible) and coming home to see me, us getting a house together, and eventually getting married. I know we both include each other in one another futures, that's why I don't know why I am so freaked out. Every time something about Hawaii comes up I go into this emotional/mental breakdown and just get so down in the mood. I am confident in him, we have an amazing trust worthy relationship and I am glad he is going to be able to experience the amazing island and it's culture. There's positives to it I just don't know why I feel like this... Do I seem crazy, or am I just scared of the unknown which is the life of the military? I just wasn't sure if anyone else out there has done this much a distance while dating and it worked? I know each relationship is different and the military especially is a different experience that unless your in it, you wont understand it. I didn't know if me moving out there and risking my nursing career which will potentially be over within a year and a half, is worth the risk between him getting deployed and not being around? I know I am ranting and am all over the place, as you can see my stress level is through the roof. Basically, I wasn't sure how to cope with the idea of home port change, the longer distance, and the less amount of talking (I think) due to the time difference...any thoughts? Thank you!
    Last edited by echap5; 07-26-2017 at 01:11 AM. Reason: title edit
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    #2
    it's not worth it to jeopardize your career to make a relationship not long distance. A year or so is not that long especially with him taking leave and you visiting. Stick it out and finish your program. A relationship that will last will survive long distance - and it's really not that bad. DB and I have been long distance for just over a year now. It will be an adjustment sure but nothing you can't handle. There will always be separations in the military, just as there will always be moves and unknowns.

    Also paragraphs please! It makes it so much easier to read.
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    My DH is a submariner in Hawaii. Don't move here with so little time left. They're gone all the time for various lengths and have a standard deployment rotation. In the year and a half you're talking about, he would most likely be gone over half that time, if not more. UH Manoa is also a terribly expensive school for non-residents and housing is extremely expensive here (on average $2000 a month for hit or miss places). Hawaii Pacific is even more expensive because it's a private school.

    As for the time distance, it'll be hard at first but it's not impossible. If you're either an early bird or night owl it won't be too crazy, especially since most the guys get some opportunity to text throughout the day. Overall, you're probably not facing many differences than now other than more miles between y'all.
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    #4
    I'm agreeing with KT and Carolina. Stay and finish your schooling. If you're going to be in a long term relationship with a military member there will be separations that you can not avoid. Living in Hawaii is not cheap. Going to school and working to afford a place won't be easy.
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Carolina View Post
    My DH is a submariner in Hawaii. Don't move here with so little time left. They're gone all the time for various lengths and have a standard deployment rotation. In the year and a half you're talking about, he would most likely be gone over half that time, if not more. UH Manoa is also a terribly expensive school for non-residents and housing is extremely expensive here (on average $2000 a month for hit or miss places). Hawaii Pacific is even more expensive because it's a private school.

    As for the time distance, it'll be hard at first but it's not impossible. If you're either an early bird or night owl it won't be too crazy, especially since most the guys get some opportunity to text throughout the day. Overall, you're probably not facing many differences than now other than more miles between y'all.
    This!
    Finish school first! Separation sucks but do not sacrifice your education.




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    #6
    Finish the schooling. He isn't leaving till sometime in 2018....so you have what 5.5 more months till just the new year....and with no rotation date set yet who knows when in 2018 he will actually go. If you go over as a girlfriend let me say this HI is very expensive state. The ticket alone is over 1000.00 to get there. That doesn't include everything else you need to take over and than finding a place and all.

    You are close to friends and family. And while they may not fully understand how you feel or understand and all its nice to have a friendly face around too.
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    #7
    I was in ohio while dh was in Japan for three years. Finish school. It is doable. It will seem like forever while you are doing it, but in the blink of an eye you'll be done with the distance and his driving will be making you crazy.... or at least.... that's my situation at the moment.
  8. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    Quote Originally Posted by Margot31 View Post
    Finish the schooling. He isn't leaving till sometime in 2018....so you have what 5.5 more months till just the new year....and with no rotation date set yet who knows when in 2018 he will actually go. If you go over as a girlfriend let me say this HI is very expensive state. The ticket alone is over 1000.00 to get there. That doesn't include everything else you need to take over and than finding a place and all.

    You are close to friends and family. And while they may not fully understand how you feel or understand and all its nice to have a friendly face around too.
    It cost DH and I $1300 a person for tickets to go home to the East coast because we can't plan far in advance as to when he will/won't be home. You also can't really find a place to live in advance here; pretty much have to be willing to sign papers at a showing because everything goes so incredibly fast. Plus her DB would be living in barracks and they have one large room for two people (college dorm style) here. So many reasons I wouldn't recommend this move to anyone who wasn't married.
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    #9
    Thank you all so very much for all the comments, you have helped put my mind at ease. I think deep down inside it does make sense to finish school, it's just me overthinking!

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