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Thread: Older SO in a new relationship

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    Older SO in a new relationship

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    I'm very new to learning the military. My new relationship is with an older, high rank military man and comes out of reconnecting with him and knowing him 40 years. We went 6 years of school together, graduated together and had not seen each other since high school graduation day. We live 8 hours (driving) from each other. Just recently we met up for a few days and then I went with him to his house for 6 more days. It was wonderful and has been wonderful since day one. We both have been married one time and are both divorced. I'm falling so hard for him and want to be with him, forever! Like I said, we're older so we know how to identify a lot! I'm having a hard time missing him so much and not wanting to be pushy but I would move to be with him tomorrow! We talk 5-10 times a day and he amazes me. I've never met anyone that makes me feel like he does in my life! Please give advice for someone who is older!
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    #2
    Do you have kids? Does he? If so, where are you kids located?

    My advice is more or less the same that I'd give to someone in her mid 20s or 30s. Take your time. You may have known him in some capacity for 40 years, but knowing what a person is like in a relationship is a very different thing. You've spent a few days together and would move to be with him? That's not smart or responsible.

    Why would you give up a job (I'm guessing), a support system, and an established life all for a completely untested relationship? What happens to you if, a month or two down the road, things fall apart? You are in a strange city, with no job, few friends, and not even an apartment. The very early days of a relationship are euphoric and that can override reason if we let it. But you have to resist that, and let your head have a say in things. Be smart. Spend months getting to know this man. Remind yourself frequently that you need to make sure you are compatible in the practical ways, not just the chemical (or physical) ones.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Pennyakamimi View Post
    I'm very new to learning the military. My new relationship is with an older, high rank military man and comes out of reconnecting with him and knowing him 40 years. We went 6 years of school together, graduated together and had not seen each other since high school graduation day. We live 8 hours (driving) from each other. Just recently we met up for a few days and then I went with him to his house for 6 more days. It was wonderful and has been wonderful since day one. We both have been married one time and are both divorced. I'm falling so hard for him and want to be with him, forever! Like I said, we're older so we know how to identify a lot! I'm having a hard time missing him so much and not wanting to be pushy but I would move to be with him tomorrow! We talk 5-10 times a day and he amazes me. I've never met anyone that makes me feel like he does in my life! Please give advice for someone who is older!
    It's been 35 years (I assume since your profile says you're 53) since you've seen or spoken to this man. Then after a little over a week together you're ready to move to be with him? What's the rush?
    I guess I understand being older and more experienced so you know what you want. But after a week?

    Slow down. Get to know him.




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    Thank you for your advice! We both have kids! I have 3 grown kids with their own families and he also has 3 grown kids. When I made the remark about I would move tomorrow, I meant that as to where my heart is. I have responsibility always to make sure I have accountability and would never jeopardize my job, which I have a job where to transfer anywhere would be a simple process. I have already been contacted by a supervisor for a position in his city! I am accountable and I have a great supportive family. They ultimately want me happy and to me that's where it lies! I would never just run to move somewhere without taking the time to get to know him more! It's just hard cause that's where my heart is. We've been talking for 3 months! Please more advice!
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    #5
    If he is also in his 50s, I would ask what his military retirement plans are. Also, how long has he been at his current location and how long does he expect to be there? Moving might not make sense if he is only going to be there a short time.
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    #6
    Have you both been single so long, you are set in your ways and habits of living alone?
    If you want my opinion on your relationship or life issues, just ask Villanelle!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pennyakamimi View Post
    Thank you for your advice! We both have kids! I have 3 grown kids with their own families and he also has 3 grown kids. When I made the remark about I would move tomorrow, I meant that as to where my heart is. I have responsibility always to make sure I have accountability and would never jeopardize my job, which I have a job where to transfer anywhere would be a simple process. I have already been contacted by a supervisor for a position in his city! I am accountable and I have a great supportive family. They ultimately want me happy and to me that's where it lies! I would never just run to move somewhere without taking the time to get to know him more! It's just hard cause that's where my heart is. We've been talking for 3 months! Please more advice!

    My advice is to not give in to obsession, and to not make him your whole world. It's not healthy, whether you end up together forever or not. Go out with friends, hang out with family, and continue to nurture your other relationships. It's not healthy for you or this guy for you to make him your whole world. It's also not fair to him to make him so much to you. Again, this is true whether you end up married to this guy forever after, or if you break up. A relationship should be one part of your life, not your whole life. Make sure you keep that in mind.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    Thank you! I am in love and when you are older you spend time with family however you don't want to waste time and you desire to be happy for the rest of your life! I don't need a man nor do I have to have one however I want a man! God has a perfect man for me and I believe he's the one! He's making plans to retire soon and I truly believe we are suppose to be together, forever!
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    Sounds like you've got it all figured out! Good luck!
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    Sounds like you've got it all figured out! Good luck!
    No, not everything but I do love him and I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him!
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