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Thread: Is this normal?

  1. d12
    The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
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    #1

    Is this normal?

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    DB has thrown me for a loop recently and I'm really not sure if this is a normal thing or if I should legitimately be concerned.

    Quick backstory: we have been together for a little over 4 years, long distance for 2. I just recently got back from another visit.

    I had a family reunion not long ago and I sent some snaps (snapchat) to him of my cousin's 3 month old. Like "awww look at those cheeks!" (stuff like that). And he completely lost his f****** mind and not in a good way. Basically acted like the idea of a child was the scariest thing he could imagine. So I just asked him, "I thought you wanted kids eventually?" And he said that he wasn't sure anymore and didn't think he'd really ever want any. This was news to me. I thought he wanted kids in the next 4-5 years, guess not.
    Then when I'm there visiting, he kept making really shitty comments about marriage. How it never lasts anymore, ect, ect. It was really strange and honestly made me feel like, okay he's about to break things off with me or he's wanting me to break things off with him and this is his way of introducing the idea.

    But then I leave and hollllllly shit. He's been up my ass and acting really, really strange when I don't respond quickly (VERY unlike him).

    What the heck is going on? He is acting almost like a completely different person. He's acting like commitment is terrifying, yet he's being obsessive over me responding to him and not texting him enough. I've asked him several times if everything was okay or if there was anything we needed to talk about and he just hits me with "no, I'm fine...just been in a weird mood". So verbose...

    Tell me I'm not overthinking this. What's the deal? He's 30. He should be beyond the crazy part, right?!


    ETA: I haven't been talking marriage or babies to him at all. So it isn't like I'm pushing for a ring and he's panicking. He just makes really random comments and lately they've been so negative.
  2. Team Rocket
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    #2
    Honestly, my first reaction is that he doesn't want to be with you and is being a dick, hoping you'll break up with him so he doesn't have to do it.
    WiggleWiggle~ is my Wifey
  3. Senior Member
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by rocket_lizz View Post
    Honestly, my first reaction is that he doesn't want to be with you and is being a dick, hoping you'll break up with him so he doesn't have to do it.
    Yes. Orrrr he feels guilty about something and is projecting.
  4. Team Rocket
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Heisenberg View Post
    Yes. Orrrr he feels guilty about something and is projecting.
    Yeah that was my second though :/
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    #5
    I also think it's weird that this is suddenly coming up after four years together. I mean I would assume you've discussed general timelines like marriage babies etc within the time you've been seriously dating right?
  6. Team Rocket
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    #6
    OP, I think the only way to figure things out at this point will be to set aside some time to have a chat with him and ask him to be honest with you. Like, really really honest. It's been 4 years, he should be able to do that. If he can't, and gets defensive or cagey, then you'll know he doesn't respect the relationship to open up to you. If he IS honest and doesn't want to be with you anymore or did something dumb like cheating, then you'll have the knowledge you need to make a fully informed decision about your future. Sorry you're dealing with this!
    WiggleWiggle~ is my Wifey
  7. d12
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    #7
    Well ya'll pretty much said what I was afraid of thinking.

    To answer an above question: yes, we've discussed this stuff in the past and that is why it is really concerning to me now.

    **Sigh** guess I'll see if I can figure something out...thanks girls!
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Heisenberg View Post
    Yes. Orrrr he feels guilty about something and is projecting.
    This was my first feeling
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    #9
    my first thought was that maybe he is friends with/works with someone whose marriage isn't going well right now. I know a friend of mine wanted kids when he had a friend adopt his gf's daughter. when the same couple split after the then wife cheated, it was "marriage is the worst, why would you bring kids into this?"

    dh hung around married people with kids and saw they were happy I think as a result wanted a family.

    maybe it's a long shot, but that's the impression I got.
  10. "...now do Classical Gas"
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Medic2Doula View Post
    my first thought was that maybe he is friends with/works with someone whose marriage isn't going well right now. I know a friend of mine wanted kids when he had a friend adopt his gf's daughter. when the same couple split after the then wife cheated, it was "marriage is the worst, why would you bring kids into this?"

    dh hung around married people with kids and saw they were happy I think as a result wanted a family.

    maybe it's a long shot, but that's the impression I got.
    For OP's sake, this is the explanation I'm hoping for. At least if he's being influenced by something he's seen, the consolation is there that it's not something he's done...

    OP, isn't your partner in the pipeline for SOCOM? Is that you, or am I thinking of someone else?

    Anyway, assuming it IS you...is it possible that some stressful thing in his training could be temporarily turning his brain inside out on the subject? Something one of his instructors has said? I could so easily see him being thrown out of sorts by some comment about how often marriages in that environment implode, and how the few who keep a marriage going don't get to see their kids...
    Last edited by Matchbox; 07-09-2017 at 03:34 AM.
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