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Thread: Rules on appearance for SOs?

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    #1

    Rules on appearance for SOs?

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    I mainly wanted a quick place to ramble about some new developments and questions that I have.
    So my fantastic fiance will be finished with bootcamp in the near future! My first posts on this forum outlined my previous financial dilemma of recently losing my long-term job, but I have recently (as of yesterday!) found a new one! It was a long several months of having no job, few friends and a newly departed fiance- But things have started to look up. Now it looks like I will actually be able to attend his graduation!

    Does anyone have any general tips or advice for attending a Marine's graduation? Dress, mannerisms? I have tried to look on the base's website, but there is little information for visitors. I am mainly worried because when I read things from current and past SO's that live on base there are sometimes rules on appearance, even for the SO's. I do not, how would one put it, have a conventional appearance. Lots of visible tattoos, a few obvious piercings, often odd colored hair and an aversion to wearing real pants (100% leggings). I am sometimes worried that I might not be the stand-up, 'classy' military wife that I feel like people expect.

    I'm mainly wondering if there is some sort of a dress code, or if not enforced, suggested guidelines that I should try to adhere to while visiting for his graduation - And down the line, living with him.
    I do not want to make a fool of myself or him (or his mother whom I will be traveling and attending graduation week with). I already have reverted back to a natural color of hair. Are there any other rules I should try to stay within? Excited to have an excuse to buy a new dress for his actual graduation ceremony, but for everything before that I am not sure if I should wear something other than my usual of leggings and a T-shirt.
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    #2
    I would wear something "business casual," nice slacks and blouse?
    I'm with you with the hating getting dressed up, but he has worked really hard for this.
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    MC bases do have strict rules about what people can and can't wear in the MCX commissary.

    The biggest thing in the long run is don't dress well like a slut. Booty shorts not welcomed, skinny mini tank not welcomed.

    I would say as long as you abide to the dress code when entering the exchange and commissary who cares about the rest. When we were in Hawaii my husband hated being on that base only because of the exchange he couldn't wear his swimming trunks and a tshit.....granted we weren't even stationed there he was there for work but he didn't like it but oh well.
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    You will be fine in a dress, as long as it isn't revealing. I wore nice slacks and a sweater to DBs graduation, but it was in December in VA. I wouldn't wear something as informal as leggings but some probably would. The USMC does have dress codes for the exchange and commissary, depending on the base. I remember Quantico had a no flip flop policy, whether it was enforced, who knows. Also, as far as tattoos, I don't think you will stand out. Sometimes I think DB and I stand out as not having tattoos. Just follow his lead for any mannerisms and interactions. Also, your interactions with him in public may be different than your used to, for example he won't be over the top affectionate in uniform or hold hands. Enjoy, DBs USMC graduation is one of his proudest moments, he actually values it more than his college graduation.
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    There are plenty of military spouses with tattoos, piercings, brightly colored hair, etc. Those things are fine. Of course, some of this should also be a conversation between you and your DB. Is he comfortable with all those things about you? That's what should matter, since they aren't going to be outside of the actual dress code rules.

    As for being on base for every-day stuff, just be somewhat covered and you'll be fine. Leggings are fine. It's super short shorts, bared midriffs, extensive cleavage, or clothes in disrepair that are generally the issue. Sometimes places also include something about not wearing activewear if you've actually worked out in it. If you know what base he's going to be stationed at, you can google and see if you can find their specific dress code, but really just "covered, and not sweaty or gross" probably covers 98% of it. And it sounds like you are planning to dress up for graduation, so you should be fine.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    There are plenty of military spouses with tattoos, piercings, brightly colored hair, etc. Those things are fine. Of course, some of this should also be a conversation between you and your DB. Is he comfortable with all those things about you? That's what should matter, since they aren't going to be outside of the actual dress code rules.

    As for being on base for every-day stuff, just be somewhat covered and you'll be fine. Leggings are fine. It's super short shorts, bared midriffs, extensive cleavage, or clothes in disrepair that are generally the issue. Sometimes places also include something about not wearing activewear if you've actually worked out in it. If you know what base he's going to be stationed at, you can google and see if you can find their specific dress code, but really just "covered, and not sweaty or gross" probably covers 98% of it. And it sounds like you are planning to dress up for graduation, so you should be fine.
    Maybe I'm reading the first part wrong but she needs to ask her SO if he's comfortable with her tattoos, piercings and colored hair?


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    Quote Originally Posted by rayfinkle View Post
    Maybe I'm reading the first part wrong but she needs to ask her SO if he's comfortable with her tattoos, piercings and colored hair?
    That was my first thought! But I think she meant would he prefer her to be a bit more conservative for his graduation ceremony. I hope.
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    #8
    I have bright pink and blue hair and half my head is shaved. I wore business casual for SO's graduation and there were people there who didnt even dress up and there were a few who wore very fancy dresses. My SO loves my hair and the things I do with it, he even requested me to come in "Army Green" hair LOL. Just be yourself, dress nice and you'll be fine. There are going to be all sorts of different types of people at the graduation.
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    #9
    I rock the rainbow hair. It's nbd. Half the time the service members I talk to just say they're jealous and ask me what color they should dye theirs when they get out. I refuse to change me for the military. I'm not in the service, they have no power over me. (Through dangers untold, and hardships unnumbered...) It's never been a problem.

    I also hate pants. Desperately. I wear jeans MAYBE every three weeks. Leggings, tunics, dresses, yoga pants... that's the life. I'd probably not do the yoga pants at a military function that doesn't involve exercise, but leggings and tunics? Yes. If it needs to be more formal I'll wear a dress. I don't put pants on for anyone, not even Uncle Sam.
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by rayfinkle View Post
    Maybe I'm reading the first part wrong but she needs to ask her SO if he's comfortable with her tattoos, piercings and colored hair?
    Sorry, that definitely wasn't clear. I didn't mean she needs to ask his permission to have those things, certainly, or even to ask as a genuine question whether he's okay with it (since he's dating her, so that should be a fairly safe assumption). I meant she should ask him if he feels like her appearance is appropriate, since she mentioned worrying about "making a fool of him". But I assumed it would be mostly a rhetorical question. He's presumably happy with those things about her because he's with her, so almost certainly he could reassure her that he is comfortable with her, and that can put her mind at ease. That was the "that's what should matter" part meant--her DH loves her and I assume loves the way she looks, and screw everyone else's opinions, since it's within the dress code so no one can get in trouble for it. But she seems uncomfortable, so hearing that from him should reassure her. So instead of asking us, asking him and hearing from him that he's perfectly fine with her appearance and won't feel like a "fool" will probably go a longer way toward making her comfortable than hearing it from a bunch of random internet stranger. If he gives a different answer than that, then this goes a lot deeper than just a question about dress codes.

    "Hey honey, I'm worried about my hair and piercings, and whether I am going to make a fool of you at graduation or on base."
    "Make a fool of me?? Are you kidding? I love your tats and your piercings and everything about you. I'll be proud to have you on my arm at graduation, just as you are, and any other time as well."

    *walk off in to sunset together*
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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