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Thread: Need some advice please...

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    #1

    Need some advice please...

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    So I'm going to try and make this as short as possible. I met this guy on a dating website while he was stationed near me. We talked for a few days and honestly I have never felt so connected to someone in my whole life. We fell in love and literally spent every second together for two weeks. These were the best two weeks of my life. He told me in the beginning he was only looking for a friend to hang out with until he was stationed somewhere else, 1700 miles away from me. I understood where he was coming from and accepted it. But we both fell in love with each other, he was actually the first one to say it out loud. Then he left. I cried so hard for days, I've never had a long distance relationship before. We texted, talked on the phone, video chatted everyday. He had even bought me a plane ticket to fly up there for a week during my spring break(I am a full time college student working two jobs and it was really hard to get off of work, but they let me!). I had a connecting flight, but my first flight was delayed and I missed my second flight. I was five hours away from him, in a state that I had never been to before by myself and the next flight to him wasn't until noon the next day(It was about 11 at night when this happened). Also I have bad anxiety and had never flown before. He had been watching my plane and realized I would not make it to my second one, so he started driving and did not tell me. I called him crying hysterically because I wanted to see him so bad and this delay would take another day of me being in his arms again. He told me to calm down and that everything was going to be okay. I got mad and was like how is it okay I won't get there until 3pm the next day I had no money for a hotel or food and I would have to sleep in an empty airport. That's when he told me he was only an hour away from where I was. He still teases me to this day about being a baby and we both laugh about it today. I spent another amazing week with the man of my dreams. (Oh and he had requested ten days off to finish getting settled and finding a place so that he would not have to work while I was there seeing him and he got it.) I have only a year left of school and he told me to finish school and then I can follow him where ever he goes, unless I want to stay with my family. He would support my decision either way, but he would be much happier if I was with him. I told him I wanted to be with him where ever he went because I loved him. We talked about how we wanted to live, how to raise kids. Everything we said was pretty much the same give or take. Perfect for each other right? Well then I had to fly back home. That week is when everything fell apart. My cousin found his profile on the dating website we met on and he had updated his profile to where he lived saying he was looking for 'pretty girls to have lunch with' and his profile picture was one that I took of him while he still lived near me. I was beyond pissed. I confronted him about it, on the phone of course cause this was after I got back from seeing him. He said he was just trying to meet new people and that if I wanted him to stop he would, but I was pissed because my brain was telling me that since he did not tell me about this that he was cheating on me. He kept saying that was not the case, that he loved me and wanted to be with me. He told me their name and how the lunch went. He said he didn't pay or anything like he would with me. He didn't even hug them or anything, except when they were saying bye. And he never saw them again because he couldn't friends with them (because of their personality). Well I was pissed and still called him a liar and cheater and hung up. We didn't talk for 2 months. Then he texts me out of the blue last week. It said something along the lines of 'I wrestled a bear so yea boom!' which is something he always talked about doing for whatever reason I have no idea lol that is just how he is. I replied hours later with 'good for you?' he said 'well its something I always told you I was gonna do so I wanted you to know I did it' and I said 'And I care why?' and he said 'I wanted you to know that I keep my word. And when I told you I loved you and wanted to be spend my life with you, I wasn't lying. But I realized after we got off the phone two months ago that I needed to change to become the man you want and need, and eventually a husband. And that's exactly what I have been doing these past two months. I deleted my account on that website. I haven't talked or hung out with any woman. And honestly I sent out a mass text to everyone in my phone with that message and didn't think about that it would also send to you. My plan was to fly down there in August when I had leave and surprise you. Because actions speak louder than words.' Then he sent me a screenshot of his plane ticket he had bought for August 18th to come down here and also a text conversation between him and a friend of his that is still living at the base near me that said his friend was going to pick him up from the airport and drive him to my house that day. I didn't reply at first because I didn't know what to say. Then he sent another one saying that he was driving and to call him if I wanted to talk. (He really hates when people text and drive so he doesn't do it) And I called him about 15 mins after he said he was driving. We talked for 3 hours on the phone. At first it was him explaining everything that he had done the past two months and then he asked how I was. It was like old times again. But of course we can't talk all the time because he is training cadets or something (I still don't understand everything or anything really about the military) But I'm still confused on the whole situation, ya know? Like I don't know if he is lying to me about not cheating on me but at the same time I still love him. We have been talking every chance we get and honestly, it is just like old times. He said that we just had a fight that got out of hand, but he knew he had to change if he wanted to be with me. The day after we started talking again, I came home and there were flowers from him on my porch. We don't get to talk a lot, if any at all, because of his work. And I know I said I would try and make this short, but I wanted everyone to know the details and background story. So what do y'all think about my situation? Thank you in advance for any advice!
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by HisFishinPartner View Post
    So I'm going to try and make this as short as possible. I met this guy on a dating website while he was stationed near me. We talked for a few days and honestly I have never felt so connected to someone in my whole life. We fell in love and literally spent every second together for two weeks. These were the best two weeks of my life. He told me in the beginning he was only looking for a friend to hang out with until he was stationed somewhere else, 1700 miles away from me. I understood where he was coming from and accepted it. But we both fell in love with each other, he was actually the first one to say it out loud. Then he left. I cried so hard for days, I've never had a long distance relationship before. We texted, talked on the phone, video chatted everyday. He had even bought me a plane ticket to fly up there for a week during my spring break(I am a full time college student working two jobs and it was really hard to get off of work, but they let me!). I had a connecting flight, but my first flight was delayed and I missed my second flight. I was five hours away from him, in a state that I had never been to before by myself and the next flight to him wasn't until noon the next day(It was about 11 at night when this happened). Also I have bad anxiety and had never flown before. He had been watching my plane and realized I would not make it to my second one, so he started driving and did not tell me. I called him crying hysterically because I wanted to see him so bad and this delay would take another day of me being in his arms again. He told me to calm down and that everything was going to be okay. I got mad and was like how is it okay I won't get there until 3pm the next day I had no money for a hotel or food and I would have to sleep in an empty airport. That's when he told me he was only an hour away from where I was. He still teases me to this day about being a baby and we both laugh about it today. I spent another amazing week with the man of my dreams. (Oh and he had requested ten days off to finish getting settled and finding a place so that he would not have to work while I was there seeing him and he got it.) I have only a year left of school and he told me to finish school and then I can follow him where ever he goes, unless I want to stay with my family. He would support my decision either way, but he would be much happier if I was with him. I told him I wanted to be with him where ever he went because I loved him. We talked about how we wanted to live, how to raise kids. Everything we said was pretty much the same give or take. Perfect for each other right? Well then I had to fly back home. That week is when everything fell apart. My cousin found his profile on the dating website we met on and he had updated his profile to where he lived saying he was looking for 'pretty girls to have lunch with' and his profile picture was one that I took of him while he still lived near me. I was beyond pissed. I confronted him about it, on the phone of course cause this was after I got back from seeing him. He said he was just trying to meet new people and that if I wanted him to stop he would, but I was pissed because my brain was telling me that since he did not tell me about this that he was cheating on me. He kept saying that was not the case, that he loved me and wanted to be with me. He told me their name and how the lunch went. He said he didn't pay or anything like he would with me. He didn't even hug them or anything, except when they were saying bye. And he never saw them again because he couldn't friends with them (because of their personality). Well I was pissed and still called him a liar and cheater and hung up. We didn't talk for 2 months. Then he texts me out of the blue last week. It said something along the lines of 'I wrestled a bear so yea boom!' which is something he always talked about doing for whatever reason I have no idea lol that is just how he is. I replied hours later with 'good for you?' he said 'well its something I always told you I was gonna do so I wanted you to know I did it' and I said 'And I care why?' and he said 'I wanted you to know that I keep my word. And when I told you I loved you and wanted to be spend my life with you, I wasn't lying. But I realized after we got off the phone two months ago that I needed to change to become the man you want and need, and eventually a husband. And that's exactly what I have been doing these past two months. I deleted my account on that website. I haven't talked or hung out with any woman. And honestly I sent out a mass text to everyone in my phone with that message and didn't think about that it would also send to you. My plan was to fly down there in August when I had leave and surprise you. Because actions speak louder than words.' Then he sent me a screenshot of his plane ticket he had bought for August 18th to come down here and also a text conversation between him and a friend of his that is still living at the base near me that said his friend was going to pick him up from the airport and drive him to my house that day. I didn't reply at first because I didn't know what to say. Then he sent another one saying that he was driving and to call him if I wanted to talk. (He really hates when people text and drive so he doesn't do it) And I called him about 15 mins after he said he was driving. We talked for 3 hours on the phone. At first it was him explaining everything that he had done the past two months and then he asked how I was. It was like old times again. But of course we can't talk all the time because he is training cadets or something (I still don't understand everything or anything really about the military) But I'm still confused on the whole situation, ya know? Like I don't know if he is lying to me about not cheating on me but at the same time I still love him. We have been talking every chance we get and honestly, it is just like old times. He said that we just had a fight that got out of hand, but he knew he had to change if he wanted to be with me. The day after we started talking again, I came home and there were flowers from him on my porch. We don't get to talk a lot, if any at all, because of his work. And I know I said I would try and make this short, but I wanted everyone to know the details and background story. So what do y'all think about my situation? Thank you in advance for any advice!
    Girl. Have some self respect. All this is telling me about him is that he's a charmer and wants to have a girl on the line, and that he's bad with money.
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    #3
    I think you sound like a very sweet person, so it's hard to understand people who are not genuine....
    Silver tongued devil comes to mind...
    I mean, think of who you were two months ago (not necessarily when you were dating him, but think of yourself at a random point in time and two months difference). Does two months change a person? Why would he have done that if it was love in his heart? Maybe he cares about you, but not in the way you deserve. Not in a way that prevents him from looking elsewhere when he's bored or lonely.
    I'm sorry, but I wouldn't accept grand gestures from someone who can't master the simple things, like monogomy.
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    #4
    Sorry hon. I call BS on his dating site reasoning. If you want to meet new people and you're in a relationship you don't turn to a dating site saying you're looking for pretty girls to have lunch with. No. He was looking for women and not of the friend variety. And really one minute he wanted you to know he kept his word and another he sent a group text and didn't realize it would send to you? I wouldn't trust him.
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    #5
    I am a guy. He is a PoS.
    Move on. As said earlier, self respect.

    Also, paragraphs, please. Makes it readable.
    If you want my opinion on your relationship or life issues, just ask Villanelle!
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    #6
    I wanna know how to send a group text to every contact in my phone. It will seriously save me so much time when I change my number.

    I'm calling BS. No one joins a dating site to find pretty girls to "have lunch with" and if he did in fact send a group text to all his contacts he would know it would go to you if he never deleted your number. He's playing you; don't fall for it.
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    #7
    Yeah the whole dating site excuse is bullshit. You go on a dating site to find....dates. Duh. Not people to hang out with. And wanting to "have lunch with pretty girls" doesn't sound like he was out to meet "people". He was there to meet girls. If this guy truly loved you, he never would be on dating sites and being active on them. He wanted some side piece that is close to where he is so he can cheat on you.

    Actions speak louder than words. Anyone can say anything and send pretty flowers.

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