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Thread: How to balance education, family, and a boyfriend.

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    HeatherA's Avatar
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    #1

    How to balance education, family, and a boyfriend.

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    Hey ladies, I'm in a little bit of a spot right now. For some women who did read my recent post, me and my boyfriend talked things out. However, there's now a bigger issue at hand. Last night we talked on Skype about how long distance isn't working (He didn't break up with me, he's only saying that long distance is hard.) I want to make it work, but if I move either close to him or move in with him, I'm afraid that it will jeprardise the relationship between my family and my education, and here's why:

    1.) My parents are conservative, so if I move in with him, it may ruin me and my families relationship.

    2.) I'm getting free education at home through the pell grant from my parents and the fasfa.

    3.) I don't know if my credits from a community college would transfer to another state. (Keep in mind that I'm going into X-ray tech).

    4.) if I do move, there's a chance that he will have to be stationed somewhere else, and I don't know how much that would effect my education.

    I'm just under a lot of pressure right now and I have no clue on what to do. I'm afraid that I may have to break up with him, not because I want to, but because my education to me matters more than his "physical" needs. He's a wonderful guy overall, but I don't know how I'm able to work this out between us. But rest assure, I did tell him that I'll be graduating within roughly a year, so that's not as bad if I were to have went with a bachelors.

    P.S. I am going to talk about this problem to him soon after he comes back from vacation, but I thought I should seek advice first and see if anyone has any ideas.
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    #2
    How much longer do you have on the education part? What is making the LDR hard? ( I know in general its hard but is there a particular part) You might want to talk to your family. Just because they are conservative doesn't mean you can't talk to them. Also having a plan could help too.
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    #3
    Dh and I were long distance all four years for me to finish my BS.
    My overwhelming response to this, is the feeling that you need his support if you are to remain in a relationship.
    LDRs are hard by nature, but sometimes, as it was in my case and seems to be in yours, it is what is best for each party to obtain their goals.

    I will look at the prior post you are talking about, I have not yet, but love is encouraging, love is hopeful, love is support. It gives me Forrest Whittaker eye when a person in a relationship claims they cannot do long distance, and wants to move the relationship forward steps because they want the other closer, when they both know that staying and accomplishing their goals is ultimately what is best.

    I hate to sound harsh, but distance is a trial, and there will be more. Life is full of them, what happens at the next trial that cannot be avoided by moving closer? This is something that I strongly believe is best to work through. The cool thing? If you get through this with him, your relationship gets so much stronger.
  4. Old Newbie
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    My education part: 1 year left of prerequisites and 2 years on x-ray tech school. It's roughly a bachelors put together. But he still thinks the LDR is hard reguardless. His thing is that he wants someone closer, and I don't know if I'm able to do that. I recently talked to my parents about it and I asked dad for four days to stay where he's at, but that's still up in the air.
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    Like medic said what happens when he deploys? You can't go with him. And communication becomes much harder in most cases once a deployment happens. To me also sounds like he needs some hashing of things out too.
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    I just don't know how to convince him that long distance can/will work. He's been having this aspect that it's not going to work, but I don't know what I can say in order to make things easier on him. I'm completely fine with it because I've been getting used to it, it's him that's the problem more or less.
  7. Senior Member
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    #7
    No boyfriend is worth sacrificing your education.
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Heisenberg View Post
    No boyfriend is worth sacrificing your education.
    If you have money to help pay for your education now take care of that first. As I mentioned earlier what happens if you move closer to him...now you are paying for your schooling and than he deploys....he seems to be unsure now....that is scary.
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by HeatherA View Post
    My education part: 1 year left of prerequisites and 2 years on x-ray tech school. It's roughly a bachelors put together. But he still thinks the LDR is hard reguardless. His thing is that he wants someone closer, and I don't know if I'm able to do that. I recently talked to my parents about it and I asked dad for four days to stay where he's at, but that's still up in the air.
    Back the bus up

    "He wants someone closer," are these his words? Because it implies the physical part is more important than who it's with. I would not move to please that, not for a second.

    Saying it is hard, which it is, is different than saying you won't do it and you want someone closer.
    I would not take anything less than,
    " this is hard on us both, but I'll live with what I need to live with to get us to our goals. I'm so proud of you for getting an education."
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    #10
    You know what

    I'm hormonal and sleep deprived,
    But I'm gonna say it

    Find someone who invests in you. This guy does not. You do you and out of the blue you will find someone who admires your ambition and does what he can to support it.


    I'm kind of a bitch (minus the kind of), but seriously. Be valued, by yourself first, and don't accept a man who cannot see the value of your ambition.
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