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Thread: Communication issues while on base. Army girlfriend

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    #1

    Communication issues while on base. Army girlfriend

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    I need some MAJOR advice. My lovely boyfriend DOES NOT understand the importance of communication. We are at two weeks of no communication and I'm on the edge. He is currently stationed at Fort Bliss and I know that he's busy, but two weeks is a NO GO. Please let me know if this is normal or if I should just leave him alone. I am beyond frustrated and trying not to pull my hair out. Please help!
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    #2
    Is he in AIT or any other kind of training/TDY, or is he at his unit?

    If he's in training that could be a big reason for lack of communication. I know some people depending on where they go for AIT, don't have access to their phones unless it's on weekends. However, if he's stationed there in his unit, two weeks with no communication is not normal UNLESS he is out on FTX (field training) and that's why you haven't heard from him? To me those are the only reasonable explanations.
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    I am so new to this, Im not sure what AIT means. I just know that he said that his unit has a lot of training coming up and that was it. We spoke and everything was okay and i stopped hearing from him. I know that he has AA (Air Assault) school and training. I know that this is super vague, but like i said i am so new to this and he is NOT the best at giving details. Thank you so much for replying, I feel like i am going CRAZY here.
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by CocoaFox2 View Post
    I am so new to this, Im not sure what AIT means. I just know that he said that his unit has a lot of training coming up and that was it. We spoke and everything was okay and i stopped hearing from him. I know that he has AA (Air Assault) school and training. I know that this is super vague, but like i said i am so new to this and he is NOT the best at giving details. Thank you so much for replying, I feel like i am going CRAZY here.
    AIT = the training that comes after basic training, a school to learn your specific job.

    If he's in training (Air Assault, you said?), he may not have access to his phone very often. He could be distracted by having so much to learn so quickly too - my husband sometimes gets a little patchy on the communication thing when he's very busy.

    When you DO get a chance to talk to him, maybe mention that you don't know how these things work yet and you'd appreciate more detailed information? He may be assuming that you understand what he meant when he said he'd be training, and thus not mentioning "oh, I won't have my phone for three weeks" because to him that seems obvious.
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    #5
    Even if he is in the field, the longest I've ever gone without hearing from my boyfriend in the field is 2 days. He might be without service but he knows ahead of time if he's going to be out in the field. Nothing is so last minute that he can't send you at least a quick text to say that he'll be gone for X amount of days and will talk to you when he can. If he has a school he should be able to tell you the dates and most schools I believe he should have his phone.

    When he does reply to you, you should set clear expectations about communication from now on. People's needs for communication are different so it's gonna be whatever works for you. Whether that's a quick text conversation or phone call every night or talk when he can but let you know if he's gonna be gone for more than 3 days or something different is up to you.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Matchbox View Post
    AIT = the training that comes after basic training, a school to learn your specific job.

    If he's in training (Air Assault, you said?), he may not have access to his phone very often. He could be distracted by having so much to learn so quickly too - my husband sometimes gets a little patchy on the communication thing when he's very busy.

    When you DO get a chance to talk to him, maybe mention that you don't know how these things work yet and you'd appreciate more detailed information? He may be assuming that you understand what he meant when he said he'd be training, and thus not mentioning "oh, I won't have my phone for three weeks" because to him that seems obvious.
    He is not in AIT. He has been active for 3 plus years now and thank you so much! He seems very one track minded when he's at work or on base. When he's home he's perfect! I've talked to him about the communication thing,but I try not to stress him out because he has so much on his plate. He wants to get engaged by the end of year, hopefully things will be better once we are living together. Thank You again for replying.
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by CocoaFox2 View Post
    He is not in AIT. He has been active for 3 plus years now and thank you so much! He seems very one track minded when he's at work or on base. When he's home he's perfect! I've talked to him about the communication thing,but I try not to stress him out because he has so much on his plate. He wants to get engaged by the end of year, hopefully things will be better once we are living together. Thank You again for replying.
    OP don't think progressing in your relationship is going to solve this problem. Communication is one of the biggest factors in a relationship if it's going to survive. Talk to him when he contacts you and set clear boundaries and expectations. Try to be realistic, but if he says that isn't y'all should compromise and find something that works. Give it some time and if it doesn't get better you will need to decide if you can be in a relationship like this.
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    #8
    When you do talk to him, you need to make sure there are CLEAR notions of what your expectations are as far as communication goes. If he's in training and is busy, you can't expect him to be able to talk to you 24/7 but he also needs to let you know when he's going to be away from his phone for extended lengths of time. Communication and expectations of communication comes from both ends.

    While communication is fine when you guys are together, getting married and living together won't fix the communication issues that exist when you two are apart, ESPECIALLY given his career choice which will consist of a fair amount of time apart even when you guys do live together. So don't assume that things will be fixed once you're married.

    As others have said though, you need to express to him what good communication is to you, and you need to hear what he thinks good communication is and then find a common ground.
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    #9
    Yeah no. I could understand if he'd given you prior notice that he would be in the field or otherwise without access to communication but he's just been too busy for two weeks to talk to you at all? He can't even give you a call for two minutes before bed? He's gotta be looking at his phone for one reason or another (on the toilet, laying in bed before he falls asleep, etc) so if he has reception and access to his phone there is no excuse to go TWO WEEKS without talking to your significant other.

    I'd consider myself ghosted and dumped at this point tbh. I'm not saying that's whats going on here at all, but in my own relationship, if my boyfriend went two weeks without giving me notice he wouldn't be able to talk he'd find me back on tinder lmao. That's so unusual.
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Figgychick View Post
    When you do talk to him, you need to make sure there are CLEAR notions of what your expectations are as far as communication goes. If he's in training and is busy, you can't expect him to be able to talk to you 24/7 but he also needs to let you know when he's going to be away from his phone for extended lengths of time. Communication and expectations of communication comes from both ends.

    While communication is fine when you guys are together, getting married and living together won't fix the communication issues that exist when you two are apart, ESPECIALLY given his career choice which will consist of a fair amount of time apart even when you guys do live together. So don't assume that things will be fixed once you're married.

    As others have said though, you need to express to him what good communication is to you, and you need to hear what he thinks good communication is and then find a common ground.
    I understand that living together wont fix our communication issues,I just feel like it would be so much easier to tackle this obstacle in our relationship once we are face to face. I appreciate the advice.
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