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Thread: Leaving my SO... Need advice

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    #1

    Leaving my SO... Need advice

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    My DF and I have been together since I was a teenager, had a couple year break in between but have been together again for 8years. To make a long story short, my future MIL hates me. If that was not bad enough she lives with us. I have never experienced a relationship like this is my life. She is extremely toxic. She has 3 children. One daughter who has not spoken to her in 20 years and a son who hasn't seen her in 10. She has grandchildren that she is not allowed to see. All of this to say, this is not just a situation where we can't get along. I have tried and tried to improve our relationship to no avail.

    This year has been crazy. I have moved from CA to NC to VA in a short amount of time.
    My DF had been deployed until September 2016, so I stayed back in CA to work and be around family before he came to move me back to NC in October of 2016. While I was back in CA my MIL invited her friends to the house for a visit. People I've never met or knew of. The intent for the visit was to try and set up my DF with the mother's daughter. This was something my MIL finally admitted to me. I clearly was very upset with the complete lack of disrespect she had for me. My DF told her to stop. And she said she would but only because her son asked her to stop, not because she thought it was wrong. She has told me that she used to throw my gifts to her in the trash. She has said that the only reason her son is with me is because I've bought his love. She has even started moving my things if she doesn't want them around. She has called me names, yells, slams doors. The list goes on and on. Fast forward to now. Things haven't been good but we mainly just keep our distance and that's it. Until tonight. My DF called on his way home and told me this girl and her mom were coming to stay with us. I had no idea but he's known for 2 days. He said he can't stop her from having friends and that's all she is. I am in shock and completely devastated he would allow something like this to happen and then lie to me. I have decided I need to leave. I have furniture, clothes, tv's, plants etc here. Has anyone ever been in a situation where they just picked up and left? Not sure what to do. I want to sell my things but I don't even want to be here. I am sorry this is so long or confusing. I am very upset at the moment. Thanks in advance.
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    #2
    Wow, just wow. That's a tough decision. Please be safe if you decide to start traveling tonight.
    Do you have any friends or family nearby that you can go to?
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    #3
    Is there a place you could stay for the next few days? I totally see why you just want to get out of there, but would it even be possible to get all of your stuff out right now?
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    Thank you so much. I called my friend but she made a last minute trip out of state. I just realized the time, I will have to wait until tomorrow. My DF thinks I am being unreasonable and that I shouldn't be upset. Upset is an understatement at this point, I'm truly devastated.
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    #5
    If nothing else, maybe a night in a hotel to have some quiet time and space to collect your thoughts?
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    I'm so sorry, girl! That you're going through this and that you're having to stick around some more. I hope you're able to work it out (first with yourself) so that you can explain to him why you're upset. And I really hope he understands your reasoning. Nobody should be thrust into situations like this!
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    #7
    Why does your MIL live with you? Usually I wouldn't tell someone to make their SO choose between them and a family member but it's clear that your MIL has no respect for you or your relationship. If I were you I would give DF an ultimatum: either she goes or you do. They can still have a relationship but you shouldn't have to deal with that in your home.
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    Thank you both so much for even reading this. It's hard to picture leaving someone after so many years. A hotel is a good idea, our closest one does not allow pets and I have a 7 month old puppy so I will need to call around tomorrow. Thank you again.
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    #9
    She has been his dependent since she was diagnosed with Lupus many many years ago. He believes she would be without a home if he did not allow her to stay. She manipulates him so much. And he really does not see it. He is very close with his mom, however has said if there was another place for her to go he would be more than fine with that.
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    #10
    If she must stay with you, your fiancé can absolutely tell her that she can't have guests spend the night or that those particular friends aren't welcome in his home period. She is living under his/your roof and I think it's 100% acceptable to set ground rules. If she can't follow them, then she's made her own bed.
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