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Thread: Should i invite my brother to my wedding?

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    #1

    Help Should i invite my brother to my wedding?

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    So I just need some advice, I'm kinda in the middle and don't know what to do...
    Ever since I got engaged in February, my oldest brother had tried to split me and my fiance up. I find that ironic cuz he was the one that first introduced us �� but now my brother "doesn't approve" cuz he thinks we got engaged too soon. He felt like we should have waited about 5 years before we got engaged, but it's different for everybody. In all honesty most people may consider it too soon, we had only been together 4 months, but my fiance and i felt like it was the right time to get engaged when we did. �� I hoped my brother would have been happy for me but instead he's tried several times to split us up, tell me and my family lies about my fiance to get us all mad until we find out later they weren't true and he admitted to making stuff up. It hurts me to see this cuz my brother and my fiance used to be best friends, but ever since we got together my brother has just gone downhill. Now my fiance is completely done with him and doesn't even want him at our wedding. My brother even told me he doesn't want to come to our wedding, but knowing him I have a feeling he only said that because he was mad. So I kind of feel in the middle...my fiance doenst want to invite him but I feel compelled to since he's my brother, even after all the crap he's put me through. And if I don't invite him I know my brother will try to use that against me. I've considered still inviting him and if he wants to show up or not that's his choice...but then again of he shows up I would not want to upset my fiance, especially on our wedding day.

    It's funny I've always heard people say "never date your best friends sister/brother", and now I see why �� but I honestly don't care what my brother thinks, I know I've found a good man and would go through anything for him. Anyway...anyone else ever been in a similar situation? Or even of not any advice would be nice ��
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    #2
    I don't have any advice, but I can relate to the sibling issue. My younger sister had just had a baby when I met my husband. He and I were dating, everyone was paying attention to us because I never really dated it was like seeing a unicorn eating four leaf clovers from the hand of a leprechaun. Anywho, she felt jealous and tried to break us up, got all up in our business, yada yada yada. Finally I just told her to back the eff off. It seemed to work. I hope you can get things settled!

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    #3
    Well to me, it's always family first. I think it's crappy that he has tried to split you and your fiancé up, because that isn't right, but it sounds like he was doing it only because he cares. You really should talk to your fiancé about your feelings.

    Getting married is a big deal and you should have whoever you want there, especially when it comes to family. Just because they aren't friends anymore doesn't mean that they can't act civil for one day to celebrate you and your fiancés wedding. I hate to sound rude or mean, but I think your fiancé should just suck it up and, and you should invite your brother and let him make the choice in whether he wants to attend or not. That way if he doesn't go, it's not on your conscience because you reached out and invited him despite his feelings, and if he does show up, like I said before, just talk things over with your fiancé and brother, and just ask them to act civil with each other for one day.

    You know your brother probably better than you fiancé does and probably better than you know your fiancé. Do you think he would be hurt if he wasn't invited? Would you regret not having him there if you chose not to invite him? Do you think he will show up if he is invited? Will it really cause a big problem with your fiancé if your brother shows up, or does your fiancé just prefer he isn't there?

    Just all things to think about.
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    #4
    Invite your brother, bit make it clear to him that any negativity will not be tolerated.
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    #5
    DH hadn't spoken to his mother for a few years when we got married. But I still sent out an invitation to her. I'd at least send the invite so he can't say he was never invited. Sending an invite means you made the attempt, after that it's up to him.
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    #6
    I went through the exact same thing with my sister. I still invited her, she showed up and was very kind and loving the entire time. She even gave a short speech that made me cry. I think she realized it was going to happen whether she liked it or not and didn't want to miss out on a milestone in my life just because she didn't agree with the timing. I would invite your brother. This will probably blow over soon and you both might regret not having him there. If he does show up don't hesitate to ask him to leave if he starts causing any stress or trouble.
  7. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
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    #7
    I dunno, I might have the unpopular opinion here but if your brother isn't willing to apologize for his behavior I wouldn't invite him. Someone said family first, but once you get married your spouse IS your family. If someone in my family wronged DH, I absolutely would (and have) taken his side over theirs. And I fully expect him to do the same for me. It just wouldn't be ok for me to get married to someone who would put their family over me. (Not saying OP is doing that, just how I feel about spouse, family, etc.)

    One of the ground rules that DH and I have is that anyone who doesn't respect our relationship will not be a part of our lives. Based on that, in your shoes I would not invite your brother. However, I recognize that might be harsh to a lot of people. I'm not saying to give him an ultimatum, but if you do have the feeling that you don't want him in your life if he can't respect your marriage, I think it is ok to communicate that because he should understand why your DF doesn't want him there. If he then changes his mind and is willing to be supportive, I absolutely think your should talk to your DF about inviting him.
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    #8
    When are you getting married? Any chance things will change with your brother between now and then?
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    #9
    Fight vinegar with sugar. Invite him and smile as you marry the love of your life. Don't let anyone (even relatives) ruin your day!
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    #10
    I would send him an invite, but don't have that part of the wedding where the dude says "speak now or forever hold your peace." Skip that part.
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