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Thread: Having trouble with a breakup...

  1. Old Newbie
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    #1

    Having trouble with a breakup...

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    So from the title you can see that I'm going through a break up right now.

    Background information:
    We got together 3 weeks before he left for basic training. When he gets stressed out he pushes people away and he also hates confrontation. The day he left for basic he said it wasn't go to work but I reassured him it was going to be okay and we stuck it out. Its currently week 6 of 12 for his first 3 months of basic.

    I was dating my boyfriend for almost two months and then he just got surprisingly upset and angry. He texted me saying he didn't want to have to deal with a relationship while being in the military. I was shocked. I wasn't expecting him to just come out and say that. Things were going really well between us. I was rather upset and I tried to talk to him him about it but he just started being very short. When I asked if talking once a week or whenever he was free would be better instead of our usual talking every night. He said maybe. I should have given him the space he needed to think things over. I was still very upset and I had a little bit of a meltdown which didn't help the situation any. I made the wrong decision to call him out, I told him that he pushes people away when he needs them the most. That's when he really snapped... He really didn't want us...

    I feel awful for what I said to him. I feel just as bad because I know there was so many things I could have done differently; so many... This happened on Saturday and its now Monday. I've told him that I was always here for him and all that. I haven't contacted him since the incident and its killing me cause I know he's having a rough go. I do know he needs his space but at the same time I don't want him to think that I've given up on him because I haven't...

    I planned to message him on Wednesday and let him know I still care about him and that I miss him.

    I just don't know what to do....
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    #2
    He's in basic and able to talk to you every night? I have never heard of that.

    I would drop this entire situation so fast. I know you're attached and will miss him, but really think about it. You two are barely getting to know each other and he's already tried to break up with you twice. He obviously wants out, so let him out. I've been on his end before and it really sucks. I was interested in a guy, but realized after two weeks that I didn't want to be with him. He made it so hard to break things off with him even though we were never even official. He would guilt me and make me feel bad and try to make things work, but it just made me want out even more.

    Chances are he either realized you aren't what he wants or realized that he just doesn't want a relationship right now and in either case you should just leave him alone. If he does decide after basic that he wants you then he will contact you and you can decide what to do from there, but right now you need to think about you. Why would you try so hard to make it work with someone who doesn't want to try at all? Don't you deserve someone who would do everything they could to keep you? While you're wasting time trying to make it work with Mr. Wrong you could be completely missing out on meeting Mr. Right.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sabrina22LE View Post
    He's in basic and able to talk to you every night? I have never heard of that.

    I would drop this entire situation so fast. I know you're attached and will miss him, but really think about it. You two are barely getting to know each other and he's already tried to break up with you twice. He obviously wants out, so let him out. I've been on his end before and it really sucks. I was interested in a guy, but realized after two weeks that I didn't want to be with him. He made it so hard to break things off with him even though we were never even official. He would guilt me and make me feel bad and try to make things work, but it just made me want out even more.

    Chances are he either realized you aren't what he wants or realized that he just doesn't want a relationship right now and in either case you should just leave him alone. If he does decide after basic that he wants you then he will contact you and you can decide what to do from there, but right now you need to think about you. Why would you try so hard to make it work with someone who doesn't want to try at all? Don't you deserve someone who would do everything they could to keep you? While you're wasting time trying to make it work with Mr. Wrong you could be completely missing out on meeting Mr. Right.
    Yea every night. Usually between 6pm-11pm

    He usually gets like this when he's stressed out though... Its probably for the best if I do let go of him its just difficult cause I know he's going through a lot and I don't want him to feel like I'm just abandoning him cause things are hard right now. I'll definitely take your advice into consideration.

    Thanks for your help
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    He's in basic and talks to you every single night?? How?? I have never heard that before, ever!!

    And do you really want to be with someone who acts like this when he's stressed? You deserve better!
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    #5
    You have known him for like two months. He probably does need space. He said he didn't want to be together and you said, "OH YES YOU DO, I KNOW YOU!"


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    Quote Originally Posted by Allybeth View Post
    He's in basic and talks to you every single night?? How?? I have never heard that before, ever!!

    And do you really want to be with someone who acts like this when he's stressed? You deserve better!
    So I'm guessing talking every night during basic isn't normal...? It was just something he did. Every night between 6pm and 11pm he would contact me, usually through texts or snapchat. Maybe that's why he feels so stressed from work and having to deal with a relationship because those couple hours every night was "our time" i guess. I offered to only talk when it was convenient for him and he just hasn't responded since Saturday.

    When he's stressed he pushes people away and he just gets really angry and insecure and it drives me crazy. I dislike it a lot. Which is why I called him on it. Which I now regret doing because I felt like I really hurt him. I do understand that he's going through a lot of stress right now from basic though...
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    Quote Originally Posted by rayfinkle View Post
    You have known him for like two months. He probably does need space. He said he didn't want to be together and you said, "OH YES YOU DO, I KNOW YOU!"
    I've known him since September. We worked together and we had been close. We just recently got into a relationship before he left (almost 2 months ago).
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by mlasalle13 View Post
    I've known him since September. We worked together and we had been close. We just recently got into a relationship before he left (almost 2 months ago).
    I still stand by what I said. Give him space. If I told someone I didn't want to be with them I would be super annoyed if they kept pushing it.


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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by mlasalle13 View Post
    So I'm guessing talking every night during basic isn't normal...? It was just something he did. Every night between 6pm and 11pm he would contact me, usually through texts or snapchat. Maybe that's why he feels so stressed from work and having to deal with a relationship because those couple hours every night was "our time" i guess. I offered to only talk when it was convenient for him and he just hasn't responded since Saturday.

    When he's stressed he pushes people away and he just gets really angry and insecure and it drives me crazy. I dislike it a lot. Which is why I called him on it. Which I now regret doing because I felt like I really hurt him. I do understand that he's going through a lot of stress right now from basic though...
    Yes. That is very highly unusual. I have never heard of guys texting and snap chatting at basic every night for hours!

    And that is something you should call him out on because it's not normal.
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by mlasalle13 View Post
    So from the title you can see that I'm going through a break up right now.

    Background information:
    We got together 3 weeks before he left for basic training. When he gets stressed out he pushes people away and he also hates confrontation. The day he left for basic he said it wasn't go to work but I reassured him it was going to be okay and we stuck it out. Its currently week 6 of 12 for his first 3 months of basic.

    I was dating my boyfriend for almost two months and then he just got surprisingly upset and angry. He texted me saying he didn't want to have to deal with a relationship while being in the military. I was shocked. I wasn't expecting him to just come out and say that. Things were going really well between us. I was rather upset and I tried to talk to him him about it but he just started being very short. When I asked if talking once a week or whenever he was free would be better instead of our usual talking every night. He said maybe. I should have given him the space he needed to think things over. I was still very upset and I had a little bit of a meltdown which didn't help the situation any. I made the wrong decision to call him out, I told him that he pushes people away when he needs them the most. That's when he really snapped... He really didn't want us...

    I feel awful for what I said to him. I feel just as bad because I know there was so many things I could have done differently; so many... This happened on Saturday and its now Monday. I've told him that I was always here for him and all that. I haven't contacted him since the incident and its killing me cause I know he's having a rough go. I do know he needs his space but at the same time I don't want him to think that I've given up on him because I haven't...

    I planned to message him on Wednesday and let him know I still care about him and that I miss him.

    I just don't know what to do....
    Quote Originally Posted by mlasalle13 View Post
    Yea every night. Usually between 6pm-11pm

    He usually gets like this when he's stressed out though... Its probably for the best if I do let go of him its just difficult cause I know he's going through a lot and I don't want him to feel like I'm just abandoning him cause things are hard right now. I'll definitely take your advice into consideration.

    Thanks for your help
    Quote Originally Posted by mlasalle13 View Post
    So I'm guessing talking every night during basic isn't normal...? It was just something he did. Every night between 6pm and 11pm he would contact me, usually through texts or snapchat. Maybe that's why he feels so stressed from work and having to deal with a relationship because those couple hours every night was "our time" i guess. I offered to only talk when it was convenient for him and he just hasn't responded since Saturday.

    When he's stressed he pushes people away and he just gets really angry and insecure and it drives me crazy. I dislike it a lot. Which is why I called him on it. Which I now regret doing because I felt like I really hurt him. I do understand that he's going through a lot of stress right now from basic though...
    So, he told you he didn't want to be in a relationship and instead of breaking up, you pushed him to keep talking and staying together during one of the most stressful events of his life, then had a meltdown/"called him out" when he pushed you away?

    As for the bolded, you're not "abandoning" him. You'd be doing what he told you he wanted weeks ago. I see you're putting a lot of the blame on him by saying that he pushes people away, is insecure, hates confrontation, gets short with people etc., but none of that matters if he told you, flat out before basic, that he doesn't want to deal with a relationship while being in the military. Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be with you, and they've told you that? It shouldn't be this hard to be with somebody and you shouldn't ever try to force someone to talk to you. It sounds like he's not the one that's insecure, tbh.

    Also, +1 to how the eff is he texting and snapchatting you during basic?
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