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Thread: I just don't get it.....

  1. Fresh Newbie
    AFBrat's Avatar
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    Apr 2017

    I just don't get it.....

    New here.....but need some insight. I've been with my guy for almost 2.5 years. Awesome relationship we are literally best friends and love each other very much. Instead of taking the next steps of moving in, engagement etc he is getting deployed. When he found this out back at end of January he broke up with me out of the blue.....and I know everyone always says that but it's true. He said he no longer had the time to put into our relationship. I was heartbroken and totally confused. We have kept in touch, mainly just checking in, and he finally told me end of March about getting orders. He deploys very soon, and is away currently for training, I don't even know for sure if I will see him before he leaves . He tells me how much he misses me, how hard everything is and he is scared. He has been through 2 prior deployments before we were together, including one where he had a GF at the time and it went horribly. I love him very much, for me this is the one and all signs pointed that way for him too..... I'm just trying to be supportive and encouraging. Im not bringing any relationship stuff up as he clearly has bigger thins going on. I want to be here for him but not be a burden. I get a year is a long time and lots can chage, people can change, but is it crazy to hold out hope that we will get back together when he returns?!?
    Last edited by AFBrat; 04-22-2017 at 08:32 AM. Reason: Error
  2. Senior Member
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    IMO, yes, it is kind of crazy to hold out hope. This man told you very clearly that while you were fine for when he had little else going on, when he got busy, you simply weren't worth the effort. I think that's awful, and I'd never want to be with anyone who cared so little for me. Sure, when he's less busy, he might once again find you worth the trouble, but think about that. Why would you be with someone who only wants to be with you when it's easy, and then dumps you when it is inconvenient? For me, even if he wanted me back, I would have moved on and found someone who found me worthwhile all the time, not just when he didn't have anything better going on.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
  3. Senior Member
    Heisenberg's Avatar
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    I don't think it's crazy to want that but I agree with villanelle. Don't wait around for somebody who doesn't feel like putting the effort in for you, it hurts to be in a one sided relationship.
  4. Senior Member
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    Medic2Doula is offline
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    Mar 2017
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    You are still giving and pouring into someone who made it clear he didn't want to return it. Pour into yourself, let him worry about himself, you can't be an emotional support for someone who doesn't ever return it. Maybe by your absence he will see what he is missing, but do it for your own well being.
  5. Pri
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    Dec 2016
    I'll say it simply: put yourself first. Don't make him a priority when you aren't one to him. As Heisenberg said, one sided relationships hurt.
  6. Fresh Newbie
    JBailey2's Avatar
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    My current situation feels really similar.... and it's just super upsetting. I'm in the same boat of debating whether or not to stick it out, but your situation looks a little more promising. I've received pretty much the same feedback in that if they aren't willing to do this for you, then you shouldn't for them. but I can completely agree in that he definitely has a lot on his plate and is concerned about his safety. which, should be a priority, right? for me, believing that my person is doing this for his own well-being is what is helping me cope with the loss of the relationship. I don't know if this helps you at all, but maybe just try to at least be his friend through this like you have been if he doesn't think that he can handle being your partner right now.

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