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Thread: Very confused and hurt

  1. Fresh Newbie
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    #1

    Very confused and hurt

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    This is my first time posting on here but I'm just looking for some advice or reassurance:

    My boyfriend is in the marines and has been gone in Africa for 11 days now. We have been together for 6 months and back in february we had a rough patch but since march things have been improving and getting better. When he left things were great between us and we have been able to text here and there as he has no internet access where he is or service so its difficult but when we do communicate things seem fine its the "I miss you" texts and all of that. But yesterday I got an unexpected text that has had me stressing and heartbroken. He basically said He has had a lot of time to think about us and talk to friends and we need to have a serious talk when he gets home and he feels maybe we aren't compatible and we are dragging out the inevitable but then proceeded to text and say "I almost hope you didn't get my last two texts. Don't dwell on it please. I don't want you to hurt and all I want is for you and me to be happy." I feel while you are away this is not the time to text me a message like that but is it common for guys to doubt the relationship while away? We wont be able to talk on the phone for 2 weeks which is going to kill me but I'm just looking for advice if anyone else has experienced something like this
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    #2
    Honestly if you're going through rough patches in the first what, four months of dating somebody maybe you actually aren't compatible? Idk if I'd be trying to even save that.
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Heisenberg View Post
    Honestly if you're going through rough patches in the first what, four months of dating somebody maybe you actually aren't compatible? Idk if I'd be trying to even save that.
    Agreed.
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    #4
    I think it's pretty common for him to doubt things while being separated with limited communication...it seems like that happens quite a bit with people and their service member SO's. But that being said, you guys haven't been together too long and like PP's said, If you have already had rough patches in your relationship when you're still in that new/honeymoon phase, then it's possible you guys won't last.

    Of course it's up to you what to do, but I don't think I would want to continue a relationship with someone who I had issues with so early on into dating.
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Heisenberg View Post
    Honestly if you're going through rough patches in the first what, four months of dating somebody maybe you actually aren't compatible? Idk if I'd be trying to even save that.
    Yea.... I hate to be a negative nelly, but I agree.

    If his friends are holding weight over your relationship, it makes sense to me that he's not shutting down doubt. Nobody just randomly says, "you should dump her" without having an opening to do so. It sounds like he was opening up to his friends about his doubts maybe. I dunno, speculation on my part.
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    #6
    I've been thinking the same thing. I know he had dated someone in the past who cheated on him while he was deployed and he also suffers from PTSD which I don't fully understand so I try to take things in to consideration but then I wonder if that's just me trying to makes excuses.
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by jenn1122 View Post
    I've been thinking the same thing. I know he had dated someone in the past who cheated on him while he was deployed and he also suffers from PTSD which I don't fully understand so I try to take things in to consideration but then I wonder if that's just me trying to makes excuses.
    It's very possible that as much as he wants to be in a relationship with you, or just in a relationship, that maybe he himself just isn't ready for one. It sucks, but it's better walking away now before your feelings grow and get deeper for each other and it becomes harder to leave in the future. Cliche as this sounds, it could just be wrong timing for you two. But it's better to walk away than continue on in an unhealthy relationship.
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    #8
    problems early on is a scary sign but ultimately, you can decide if the relationship is worth waiting until he gets back to work on it. I understand baggage, but it's not fair to carry those particular insecurities from his previous relationship into yours.
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    #9
    That seems like a serious dick move, and I don't think I could be with someone who would basically not only dump me by text, but also do it in such a cowardly way. Anyone with half a heart would know how awful and stressful a text like that would be, and would never send it. A decent human being would have waited those two weeks, since that's not very long. Instead, he sent you a vague text. It sucks, but it seems like he's shown you his true colors, and as others have said, since you already had other issues in your fairly short relationship, it sounds like he's not the right guy for you, even if you wanted him to be.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
  10. Pri
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    #10
    I don't think it's common to experience that doubt at a time like this. If they love you, they love you and will stick it out. Regardless, those texts are concerning. It would kill me to get those. Then I'd want an explanation. You deserve one instead of waiting in anticipation or agony. It's not fair especially if your feelings are real. Trust in what you feel.

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