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Thread: Advice Needed !!

  1. Fresh Newbie
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    #1

    Advice Needed !!

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    Hey ya'll! It's been so long since I have been on this page and a lot has happened! Me and Coleton got married! I know right?! Exciting! Coleton is currently in tech school and is finishing here pretty soon! I'm pretty excited about starting our lives together buttttttt... Of course we have issues! So I really want kids! Like really bad! But Coleton does not want kids anytime soon. What makes this even harder is that all my friends around me are getting pregnant so baby fever is at an all time high! I was thinking about getting back on birth control because I know if I was to get pregnant, he would not want the baby. I don't ever want my baby to feel unwanted but the thought of being back on birth control makes me emotional! Have any of you dealt with this before?
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    #2
    If he wouldn't want a baby that is HIS, timing wouldn't likely change that.
    It's unfair to risk pregnancy if both partners aren't willing, so I'm unsure what the question is.

    Baby fever comes and goes, but wiping butts lasts for years. I would not act on baby fever or pressure you feel being the one without kids.
  3. "...now do Classical Gas"
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Medic2Doula View Post

    Baby fever comes and goes, but wiping butts lasts for years. I would not act on baby fever or pressure you feel being the one without kids.
    Well put

    OP, "because everyone around me is having one"...isn't a great reason to have a child. This will be the next twenty years of your life, if not more - everything from changing your newborn son to helping your twenty-something year old daughter move a couch when she goes to college. How old are you now? Twenty something?

    Double your age. You'll be in your forties by the time they're ready to be independent adults, and probably even older before they stop asking for your help when they REALLY screw up.

    It's a very long time to do very hard work, and it will be even harder if you don't have a partner who's ready and willing to step up and be a father yet. For now, find a friend or relative's baby to cuddle so you can channel your baby fever, and make preparations (clearing any outstanding debts, building up a cushion of savings to cover the time when you may not be working) so that whenever he IS ready you can both make the decision to have a child with some of the major stress points covered.
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by MilitaryWifetobe View Post
    Coleton does not want kids anytime soon.
    Then you plan not to get pregnant until he does want children. Are you sure he wants children in the future?
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    #5
    While getting back on birth control may be emotional, dealing with an unwanted pregnancy on his part will be a lot more to deal with. I can almost guarantee that he will feel some sort of resentment knowing you really wanted this pregnancy and knowing he didn't. Is this something you really want to do to your husband?

    Respect his wishes and wait till you're both ready. This is another human being that you should BOTH be ready and excited for, and not just you.
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    #6
    My So and I are are both at that point (due to our age and being in a great spot in our careers) that we want a kid... but with the military there are some things happening within the next 10 months that right now is not a good time. I will not give birth to our first child without him. NO WAY! So, we have planned to wait out the next 10 months, let him do what he needs with the military (which will be about a year long) and start to try after that... so a year and 10 months away we will try and have a kid.

    My point here is that you need to respect his wishes and wait until you are both ready. It may take some time, and its not the end of the world if you dont have a kid while you're young... I'll be almost 32 when we start to have try to have a kid. I've been on birth control since I was 15, and I love it. It has its benefits (helping with acne, not having a period, having little cramps, mood stabilizer, at least with me)

    I agree with Allybeth, she made some good points.
  7. Dancing Backwards in High Heels
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    #7
    You are 18 or 19 if memory serves. Wait to have a kid. If you have baby fever, spend a day with one of your friends babies. Get to play the cool "aunt" and then you get to go home and snuggle with your DH without having a kid wake you up every two hours.

    Did you and your DH talk about kids before you got married?

    ETA: I looked through your post history, and you always seem to come here just when you want advice, take some time and get involved in other threads and be more apart of the community :-)
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    #8
    The greatest thing I ever did was we waited for kids. Both my spouse and I agree'd to wait till after the first deployment. That time is so amazingly stressful and who knows how you will handle the situation...lets add having a kid.

    We are back in the fleet now and we have 2 young kids and let me tell you its hard. My kids are both under 3 and many days I regret having kids. My husband has not been able to help as much with the kids as he used to when we were on shore tour (navy here). I am always getting up with the kids. My husband only gets up when they really start to get out of hand which is not often but when it gets to the point I am waking him by getting up and down up and down.

    With him still in training and not making a lot of money and still learning how to live with each other just wait a bit. I know kids are a huge deal but I have friends who are in their late 30's who are just having their kids....its ok to wait.
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Margot31 View Post
    The greatest thing I ever did was we waited for kids. Both my spouse and I agree'd to wait till after the first deployment. .
    Love that idea. Thats what SO and I were thinking. I dont want added stress trying to be a mom and learn the deployment stuff. I'm glad to hear others have done this as well.

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