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Thread: HELP! Tween/Teen Parents!

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    #1

    HELP! Tween/Teen Parents!

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    So we have an almost 13 year old (her birthday is in about a week) and we are having a TON of trouble with her keeping her room clean. She is a rat holler (is that a term?) meaning she just crams stuff everywhere, she will cram clothes in her stuff animals and paper in every flippin' corner of her room. It's super frustrating because we went through her room last night and cleaned all the clothes that don't fit out and got a TON of trash as well.

    I completely realize this isn't unique to my child but does anyone have solutions that help with theirs?? We do check her room regularly and after last night will be doing a lot more thorough checks each week (taking stuff out of toy boxes and checking drawers etc) and I've removed a lot of the items she was stuffing things in but HALP! I don't want to constantly fight with her and I don't want to have to be all drill Sargent and inspect her room all the time but I also don't want bugs because she will sneak candy up there and leave it around....how do you deal?


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    #2
    I don't have a teen but when I was a teenager, my room was god awful. I did the same exact thing yours is doing. My parents had to take my door off its hinges and my computer time away to really drive the point home that I was living in a pigpin and they weren't going to have it anymore. You'd never tell looking at my house as an adult that I lived so nasty as a teenager.

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    Quote Originally Posted by germy View Post
    I don't have a teen but when I was a teenager, my room was god awful. I did the same exact thing yours is doing. My parents had to take my door off its hinges and my computer time away to really drive the point home that I was living in a pigpin and they weren't going to have it anymore. You'd never tell looking at my house as an adult that I lived so nasty as a teenager.
    I'm just ready to pull my hair out with it all, it's not just her room either she's a mess all around! Her backpack is CONSTANTLY a mess, her softball and basketball bags always have trash and stuff in them. She's just a crammer! I was not that kid, I was super clean and took pride in how organized stuff was (OCD FTW ) so I just don't get it! I honestly don't expect perfection it's more so I just want her to respect her stuff! She has TONS of clothes because her grandparents and aunts spoil the crud out of her and she doesn't even wear the stuff because she shoves it in a corner and forgets about it. I'm hoping she grows out of it but I just don't know how to instill neatness in her...I give her bins for all her crafty project stuff that are all labeled, I got her a file organizer for her backpack to be able to just slip stuff in instead of cramming and she doesn't use either...


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    So I was a slob as a teenager (still am sometimes tbh ) but for me it was a mix of trying to rebel/exert control over my life in SOME way, and also having a lot of anxiety and feeling overwhelmed. My dad would get mad about me not cleaning but it was like paralyzing to think about where to even begin. Especially in terms of getting rid of stuff, like how would I know if I need my notes from class last year or not!? What if they come in handy? etc...

    I got cleaner and neater over time as I was able to have more control over my life in other ways and also clean and organize how I wanted my room to be. My parents always said beds should be by the window so you get natural sunlight when you wake up but eff that, I wanted it in the corner

    So maybe double check that she knows (a) how to identify what is actually trash/ready to give away, (b) understands HOW to organize and clean and (c) maybe provide some small incentives related to her room like if she keeps it clean for 2 weeks she can get a new cute throw pillow or something.
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    Quote Originally Posted by rocket_lizz View Post
    So I was a slob as a teenager (still am sometimes tbh ) but for me it was a mix of trying to rebel/exert control over my life in SOME way, and also having a lot of anxiety and feeling overwhelmed. My dad would get mad about me not cleaning but it was like paralyzing to think about where to even begin. Especially in terms of getting rid of stuff, like how would I know if I need my notes from class last year or not!? What if they come in handy? etc...

    I got cleaner and neater over time as I was able to have more control over my life in other ways and also clean and organize how I wanted my room to be. My parents always said beds should be by the window so you get natural sunlight when you wake up but eff that, I wanted it in the corner

    So maybe double check that she knows (a) how to identify what is actually trash/ready to give away, (b) understands HOW to organize and clean and (c) maybe provide some small incentives related to her room like if she keeps it clean for 2 weeks she can get a new cute throw pillow or something.
    We spent 4 hours yesterday cleaning, organizing and de-cluttering her room yesterday together so that certainly takes care of (a) and (b) We do try to do incentives but to be honest she's got this attitude that it almost doesn't phase her because she's got so much already that she doesn't care if she doesn't get whatever new thing it is we did take away screen time for a week because of some of the stuff we found in her room (flippin' matches ) and after we get passed the punishment part of it hopefully we will be able to work something out like maybe she has to keep her room clean (actually clean not surface clean) in order to earn screen time.


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    #6
    When my room got messy and I didn't clean it my mom would throw literally everything into the middle of the floor. She would completely wipe the dresser, desk, shelves off. It made me clean and put everything in its appropriate place but I think it's kind of mean.


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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by April Lynne View Post
    We spent 4 hours yesterday cleaning, organizing and de-cluttering her room yesterday together so that certainly takes care of (a) and (b) We do try to do incentives but to be honest she's got this attitude that it almost doesn't phase her because she's got so much already that she doesn't care if she doesn't get whatever new thing it is we did take away screen time for a week because of some of the stuff we found in her room (flippin' matches ) and after we get passed the punishment part of it hopefully we will be able to work something out like maybe she has to keep her room clean (actually clean not surface clean) in order to earn screen time.
    Dunno if she's the type to want friends to come over to hang out but maybe you can tell her she only can if her room is clean?
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    Quote Originally Posted by rayfinkle View Post
    When my room got messy and I didn't clean it my mom would throw literally everything into the middle of the floor. She would completely wipe the dresser, desk, shelves off. It made me clean and put everything in its appropriate place but I think it's kind of mean.
    I have certainly done that, I mean I don't completely take everything down but I've pulled all the stuff out of her closet (off the floor) and everything out of her "zoo" (stuffed animal storage) and made her hang/up fold and put away all the clothes then put the toys and things away. That's a lot of what we did yesterday. I would've felt like it was mean too as a kid but I can now empathize with your mom and it's the most frustrating thing in the whole world!


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    Quote Originally Posted by rocket_lizz View Post
    Dunno if she's the type to want friends to come over to hang out but maybe you can tell her she only can if her room is clean?
    Eh, not really. We're not really home enough between all of her activities to have kids over but she does like to go and stay with her Meemee (my mom) and I could certainly say she can't go to Meemee's unless her room is clean


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    #10
    I can relate but I will tell you how I have dealt with this. I SHUT THE DOOR!

    Like you, I spent a whole day organizing and cleaning my teens' rooms.... it took a day or 2 for them to completely destroy it. It's not worth your stress... trust me because it's a never ending battling.

    I announce 1 x every two weeks that the vacuum needs to be run and rooms dusted. It's up to them to pick up everything off the floor ( which usually gets piled onto their beds and then back onto the floor once they have to go to bed)

    I'm a neat freak. I love to be organized, but most teens do not share this passion. Close the door, walk away and realize someday... they will be fighting this battle with their own child!!!
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