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Thread: Maybe silly but it's been bouncing around in my head. Help please

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    #1

    Help Maybe silly but it's been bouncing around in my head. Help please

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    Ok, so here's a question. How did you know that the person you are married to/engaged to is the person you want to be with?
    My DB and I have been together about 5 months now. He's recently started talking about taking it to the next on our 1 yr anniversary. As in getting a ring and proposing. I love him dearly. Can I see myself spending the rest of my life with him? Yes because he is an amazing person. I guess i am scared like any normal human being to be hurt or lose that person. I have been married once and I thought i was right but come to find out he was just bad. I do not want to make a mistake. But I do not want lose the chance of being with such an amazing person either.
    So some advice would be great. Especially if you have been a single mom in a relationship that involves your kids as well. Also just any advice would be great. Thanks. Sometimes it helps.
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by ARMYgurl View Post
    Ok, so here's a question. How did you know that the person you are married to/engaged to is the person you want to be with?
    My DB and I have been together about 5 months now. He's recently started talking about taking it to the next on our 1 yr anniversary. As in getting a ring and proposing. I love him dearly. Can I see myself spending the rest of my life with him? Yes because he is an amazing person. I guess i am scared like any normal human being to be hurt or lose that person. I have been married once and I thought i was right but come to find out he was just bad. I do not want to make a mistake. But I do not want lose the chance of being with such an amazing person either.
    So some advice would be great. Especially if you have been a single mom in a relationship that involves your kids as well. Also just any advice would be great. Thanks. Sometimes it helps.
    - ultimately you just "know" - I know you're looking for something more than that, but it's all I've got. I was a single mother when DH and I met, I had dated other men as well prior to that. None of the men I dated prior gave me the feeling of being willing/able/ready to make that commitment, DH did.
    That being said, your one year anniversary is still 7 months away - more time than you have been together so far - so that is plenty of time to continue to get to know one another, build your relationship and try to determine if this is "the one" or not. If, at the one year mark, you still aren't sure - have that discussion and decide together whether you want to continue to develop the relationship to see if that comes or not.
  3. I was the perfect mom, until I had kids.
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    #3
    I think being hesitant, especially after having been in a marriage previously, is a completely normal feeling when the idea of marriage is brought up again so soon into a new relationship. For some people, 5 months could be a perfectly acceptable amount of time to be talking about marriage, or even actually getting married, but in the grand scheme of things, it's a very short amount of time to really get to know someone, so I think having those fears can be a completely normal reaction at this point in your relationship.

    I honestly think if you're uneasy enough to be posting about it, then you really need to talk to your DB. Just make it clear that it doesn't mean you don't love him, or don't want to get engaged and married to him, but at this point in your relationship, it's moving a little too quickly. Maybe also bring up that maybe you could revisit the engagement conversation after you have been together for a year. See, if over the next 7 months, the idea of getting engaged or married makes you a little less uneasy.



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    #4
    I know DB is the one because noone has ever made me feel the way he does. But not only that, we have a level of comfort that I've never had before. I never have to hold back, I can tell him anything. He's my best friend. We complete each other, we share the same values, we have talked about how we would raise kids, and it's spot on, all our core values are the same, which ultimately is very important if you spend your life with someone. It's just easy with him, we never have to try to make it work, it just works. Even when we have differences, we never really argue, we agree to disagree.
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    #5
    I was a single mom when I met DH and I knew within a month I was going to marry him. I agree with the PP, sometimes you just "know". I knew pretty quickly he was my person. Watching the way he interacted with my daughter helped solidify that and then having similar goals for the life we wanted made things easier too but you have to do what's right for you and what you think will make you AND your kids happy. Best thing to do too is just talk about it. But not everyone is going to have that in 5 months, it can take longer and that's perfectly OK as long as you both are on the same page.


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    #6
    I'm also with the 'just know'...

    I just knew my husband was the one.. I was only 16 and within a month I knew he was the one I was going to marry... it really is hard to explain, but really you just know when the one is the one..

    There are 10 types of people in the world, those that understand binary and those that don't
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    #7
    I knew the day after I met him that I would spend the rest of my life with him. Seriously... no lie!

    We met the night before in a bar, after having sex with him at his house, As I was leaving at 4 am that I had to move in the morning-
    he offered to help, I jokingly gave him the address of where I would be and left.
    At 9 am he showed up to help me move.
    At 11 am he brought me a diet coke, because he thought I would be thirsty.

    that was 18 - almost 19 years ago.

    I asked him one day why he came to help me - he said he didn't know- but he woke up early and just decided to do it.

    I wake up every day thankful for the man I have and a day does not go by that I do not tell him how lucky I am to have him as my best friend and life partner.
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    #8
    It clicked for me when DH and I had been talking for almost 5 months, he was in New Hampshire at the time and I was back in Oregon. We went to HS together and reconnected over facebook. I flew out to visit him for a weekend and when he dropped me off at the airport so I could home, I realized that I didn't know when I would see him again and it broke my heart. I even bawled in the middle of the airport because I was so overcome with emotion. When I got home I tried to put distance between us because I thought that maybe we got to close too fast and I was afraid of getting too attached but it continued to bother me that we didn't know when we'd see each other again that we started talking about me moving out to VA when he changed duty stations. I've never regretted moving across the country to be with him and he still makes me happy every day.



    NotThatMonkey is my awesome Wifey
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by SailorsBunny View Post
    . When I got home I tried to put distance between us because I thought that maybe we got to close too fast and I was afraid of getting too attached but it continued to bother me that we didn't know when we'd see each other
    I cried when he had to leave to go back to where he is stationed. It was hard because not seeing him is hard but the thought of him not being in my life as the person I love and as the woman he loves is unbearable. I think may be feeling similarly it is a lot fast. But i definitely do not want him to go anywhere. I would do anything for him. I just do not want to marry him right this second. I want our relationship to continue to grow before taking that big leap.

    Thank you Ladies

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