Military Significant Others and Spouse Support - MilitarySOS.com
Results 1 to 4 of 4

Thread: Breaking up with my best friend...?

  1. Senior Member
    Camokitteh's Avatar
    Camokitteh is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    New Hampshire
    Posts
    4,899
    Blog Entries
    1

    #1

    Breaking up with my best friend...?

    Advertisements
    So a little backstory: a little before thanksgiving my best friend and I started to explore a sexual/romantic relationship. Weíve been best friends for four years and Iíve told her I had feelings for her but we never did anything about it. Well, I started to explore those feelings with her then all the sudden she recoiled. And told me that for my own good, she doesnít want to do anything sexual for 6 months until she feels Iíve grown enough. (Oooookay) I start to get confused because she told me she was totally game for exploring.
    So the next week I gently say things like hey, howís it going? You feeling okay? And she replies with things like, ďI just donít feel like talking right now. Iím too exhausted to talk.Ē Which is totally fine.

    So that weekend I decided to text her telling her I need to talk to her. Itís not urgent but setting aside time this week would be helpful. And she flips out. Basically saying, ďthis is why we canít be anything more than best friends! When one boundary changed they all change and you know that when I need space itís important I get it. I need to focus on things in my life versus things that can wait.Ē And I was completely shocked. She didnít tell me, ďI need space.Ē until then. So I just havenít talked to her since.
    A month and a half has passed and Iíve really reevaluated out relationship and Iíve started to feel like maybe our relationship wasnít as healthy as we thought. And I honestly deserve better.
    So this is the letter I wrote up to her and I plan on sending. Since idk when sheíll be around.

    ďSo I havenít heard from you in over a month and a half. Iíve been wondering if weíre even still friends at all. I havenít heard from you since those texts around thanksgiving. Iím really disappointed that you havenít reached out otherwise since you said you needed space. I think Dr. Coyle may have been right. As much as we love each other, I donít think weíre as healthy as we thought. This doesnít mean Iíll never be your friend. I just donít have the capacity to be your best friend anymore.Ē

    Any thoughts or advice?
  2. i request the highest of fives!
    lorem_ipsum's Avatar
    lorem_ipsum is offline
    i request the highest of fives!
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    29palms
    Posts
    10,037
    #2
    Can I be honest? It feels to me like you have a need to overcommunicate, and in the end it ostracizes you. I get that this is a confusing/frustrating point for many different kinds of relationships in your life, as well as just yourself, but sometimes you just need to stop TRYING so hard for things to level back out. All the things you've been posting about remind me of like, the conversations I have with my mother where she asks me what's wrong so many times that even that even though I was fine five minutes ago I'm now pissed off.
    You obviously have a very open mind for sharing feelings and thoughts. Not everybody does. And someone trying to force talks can really shut down people working their own way through things. It sounds like this girl needed space to think about things and feel comfortable again wherever your relationship was going. But you're still pressing her and pressing her. It's not really surprising to me that she's pulling farther away.
  3. In vino veritas
    Dr.VinoVet's Avatar
    Dr.VinoVet is offline
    In vino veritas
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    14,852
    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by lorem_ipsum View Post
    Can I be honest? It feels to me like you have a need to overcommunicate, and in the end it ostracizes you. I get that this is a confusing/frustrating point for many different kinds of relationships in your life, as well as just yourself, but sometimes you just need to stop TRYING so hard for things to level back out. All the things you've been posting about remind me of like, the conversations I have with my mother where she asks me what's wrong so many times that even that even though I was fine five minutes ago I'm now pissed off.
    You obviously have a very open mind for sharing feelings and thoughts. Not everybody does. And someone trying to force talks can really shut down people working their own way through things. It sounds like this girl needed space to think about things and feel comfortable again wherever your relationship was going. But you're still pressing her and pressing her. It's not really surprising to me that she's pulling farther away.
    I totally agree. Overcommunication is exactly the word I would use. So you arent talking now- why write some (IMO) overly dramatic letter about the end of a friendship when you could just let sleeping dogs lie- its ending, naturally. There is no need to overly analyze and write down and discuss every change that occurs in every relationship, which you seem to try to do, often, and to your detriment.
  4. Account Closed
    Mrs. Nutmeg's Avatar
    Mrs. Nutmeg is offline
    Account Closed
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    9,436
    Blog Entries
    1
    #4
    Why do you need to say anything?? If it bothers you that much, write the letter and then burn it.

    You're really going to alienate yourself if you have to talk every. single. Detail of woulda coulda shoulda with every person in your life the way you do.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •