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Thread: Coming back from deployment...

  1. I like to think of jesus as a michevious badger
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    #1

    Coming back from deployment...

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    Was it hard to reconnect with your SO? Or was it like he/she never left?

    Pros? Cons? Advice? What happened with your relationship?

    I feel like we will connect again instantly and be able to get in the flow of things rather quickly...but in case that doesn't happen, what are some tips?

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    #2
    First deployment together we were a wreck when he came home! I'm so glad we pushed through it...both of us acknowledge that we were both at fault even though neither of us did anything wrong exactly...it was just an adjustment period neither of us knew was coming.

    Your experience may be nothing like ours was...but just know that there may be an adjustment period...even though he hasn't seen you in quite a while, he may not want to spend every waking minute by your side...and that's okay! Just give him time and space if he needs it.

    Our second deployment together went much smoother! We talked a lot about the previous deployment mess and learned from it. We were also much stronger in our relationship which I'm sure helped a lot.
  3. You are here.
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    #3
    It was good, mostly smooth.I think the only thing was adapting to having him back from just getting used to him being gone. You get into a rhythm of them being away and then trying to get into the rhythm of being back into daily life can be hard but being flexible is good.

    and yes, depending on the people it can be a great bonding moment. Others, it could be trying it if htere are circumstances that come into play that wasn't there prior to the deployment
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    #4
    Both of our was like he never left.
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    #5
    All 10 of ours we've just popped back into the swing of things like he was never gone.



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    #6
    We've never had an issue, but everyone is different. I think the best thing you can do is talk to your husband about being prepared for an adjustment period and agreeing to be very open with whatever both of your needs are. Yay homecoming!
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    #7
    I think the biggest thing is to be prepared that things might NOT be the same. Obviously it's different for everyone, but I was totally unprepared and found myself constantly angry with DH. Then that would lead to me getting even more angry with myself because I was just supposed to be happy he was back. I wish someone had just told me that it was ok to have all different emotions about him being back.

    The first two weeks were definitely the hardest, but after that, they mostly went back to normal. Not completely, because he does have a lot of lingering post-traumatic stress, but it was pretty similar to how things were before. And most of the time, it was less stressful than right before he left.

    Definitely talk to your SO about it, and be open if things don't go the way you expected.

    Happy Homecoming!
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Frybread View Post
    It was good, mostly smooth.I think the only thing was adapting to having him back from just getting used to him being gone. You get into a rhythm of them being away and then trying to get into the rhythm of being back into daily life can be hard but being flexible is good.

    and yes, depending on the people it can be a great bonding moment. Others, it could be trying it if htere are circumstances that come into play that wasn't there prior to the deployment
    That's the way it was for me in '08, mostly smooth. I had been working some overtime at my job, mainly to keep busy, but when my former partner returned, I cut back, so yeah, it was a change in rhythm. There was an issue with my former partner not being allowed to go back to work, but someone from the guard made a call to them, and they changed their minds. We'd been together 4 yrs before the deployment, but after it ended I think our relationship was even stronger.
  9. 1/2 hippie, 1/2 diva... all Jersey
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    #9
    A big thing that I did with my xDB and my little brother that helped was to 'normalize' the adjustment period. My ex had major jumpy/anxiety for a while (this was back in 2007).

    If he's jumpy, or can't sleep or whatever little quirks there seem to be, I would just roll with it and say, "Hey, it's completely understandable..." I wasn't blowing smoke either. Right now, the "textbook" rule says 30 days for brain chemistry readjustment where things that look like acute stress or PTS aren't clinically significant. There's some research that says it could be a wider window of 60-90 days for normalcy to return.

    Even with DH, I've found that giving him space to figure out how to "be" at home after a period of time away (deployment, training, etc....) seems to help a lot. Within a week, it's 100% back to normal.

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    #10
    When DF came home it was kind of a shock honestly I just couldn't believe he was home. DF had some adjustments to make. He had to get used to not being around Marines 24/7 and get used to sleeping normally. There were a couple nights I woke up and he was pacing or just sitting up in bed staring because he wasn't used to sleeping through the night. He had to adjust his attitude a little bit and I had to work on my patience. Overall, it wasn't anything we didn't expect. The advice I would give to you is to be patient! Things aren't going to be exactly like they were when he left most likely, and that's totally OK.

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