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Thread: What do you do?

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    #1

    What do you do?

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    What do you do when your SO is gone and they ask how your day is going and in actuality it is going really crappy? Do you lie and tell them everything is GREAT! because you don't want to put a damper on the mood? or do you tell them the truth and tell them what went wrong?

    DB just called me for the first time in a week. He was really down and I asked him what was wrong and he said he was just ready to be back. At first I was trying so hard to just talk about good and positive things but to be honest this past week has been full of some crappy things. Honestly the only positive thing I could think of was the couple of pounds I lost and idk that just wasn't something I wanted to share haha

    Anyway there was a lot of silence and then I finally just told him I had to take my car to the shop. I had a bad meeting at work this morning. And a couple other things but that regardless I was doing good and couldn't wait to see him.

    It just seemed like it made the conversation awful and at the end of it I didn't have that normal happy giddy feeling I normally have when he calls. (I know I'm a dork) But I am worried I just made his day worse with my complaints and I hate that. Right now he is only gone for some training for a little over a month but soon it will be a couple years and I am trying to figure out the "rules" of LDR communicating.

    Okay so my point is.. .Should I have just said I am great and left it at that? What do you normally do?
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    #2
    Nope. If I have a crappy day, I will tell him I had a bad day. I don't keep things from him. Plus he is always super good at cheering me up and making me feel better!
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    #3
    Nope I tell him. No need to lie. If it is personal stuff I just give basics (like period problems, bad hair day, pissed off at friend etc), if it is family or household stuff I tell him it all and than tell him what I am doing to handle the issue.
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    #4
    We're open and honest. It makes the relationship continue on a normal track. We didn't have many issues with resentment or missing out on each other's lives or growing apart while DH (then DF) was deployed, and it's probably partially because we communicated normally. I am bad at hiding my emotions anyways. I had a breakdown crying on the phone with him while he was deployed because I moved to a new city, started a new job and couldn't find my car keys anywhere in my condo We joke about that now (last night, actually). And I found my keys.

    The last month of his deployment, he was in a really crappy mood ALL THE TIME. So those conversations wore on me. But if you have a bad day every once in a while, I think it's good to share.
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by C8lynSarah View Post
    What do you do when your SO is gone and they ask how your day is going and in actuality it is going really crappy? Do you lie and tell them everything is GREAT! because you don't want to put a damper on the mood? or do you tell them the truth and tell them what went wrong?

    DB just called me for the first time in a week. He was really down and I asked him what was wrong and he said he was just ready to be back. At first I was trying so hard to just talk about good and positive things but to be honest this past week has been full of some crappy things. Honestly the only positive thing I could think of was the couple of pounds I lost and idk that just wasn't something I wanted to share haha

    Anyway there was a lot of silence and then I finally just told him I had to take my car to the shop. I had a bad meeting at work this morning. And a couple other things but that regardless I was doing good and couldn't wait to see him.

    It just seemed like it made the conversation awful and at the end of it I didn't have that normal happy giddy feeling I normally have when he calls. (I know I'm a dork) But I am worried I just made his day worse with my complaints and I hate that. Right now he is only gone for some training for a little over a month but soon it will be a couple years and I am trying to figure out the "rules" of LDR communicating.

    Okay so my point is.. .Should I have just said I am great and left it at that? What do you normally do?
    It really is a matter of what works for an individual couple s For my DH and I, we don't lie or hide anything because open, honest conversation is more important to the two of us than maintaining a happy façade. We are human and we have bad days and part of our relationship is a desire to support each other through those days. Life is not all happy huggy kitty land
    That being said, if it becomes more of a pattern of perpetual gloominess (ie Eeyore), that would be a different story because no one wants to be constantly bombarded with nothing but bad/down/negative. If your issue is more the former than the latter *I* wouldn't be too concerned.
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    #6
    I tell him what's going on. He wants to know what's going on with me good and bad.
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    #7
    Here's the thing. If you are having a crappy day, it usually comes out in tone, moodiness, etc, so he will think something is wrong and maybe its his fault. Tell him. BUT, don't end the conversation on a bad note, at the end, add something happy or good.
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    #8
    I think lying in a case like that is manipulating, and is a complete breach of trust. To me, that's saying that you don't have faith in his ability to handle things. I have confidence that my DH is able to handle things, and so I am honest with him. Also, that's part of keeping our relationship nurtured--talking about our lives, relying on each other for comfort, and talking about what is going on in our worlds.

    Of course, it makes sense to have conversations like this with your SO before he leaves, so that you can ask him how he wants you to handle stuff like this. Then you don't have to guess.

    But for me, I tell him, and then I focus on what I'm doing to make it better, the fact that I know I'll be okay or that I have a plan. So I am honest with him, but I also do what I can to reassure him.
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    #9
    idk.. for me it depends.
    If its just trivial stuff (such as my hair brush broke and it made my day horrible) I likely wouldn't say anything. If it was more serious (like something broke) then yes.
    Sometimes, the trivial stuff is just not all that important, since there isn't anything he can do anyway.

    I tend to not let things bother me though. If its so bad that its stressing me out and just one thing after another after another and my entire week was shitty, then I probably would mention it. But more of a 'hey this is what happened, but its all good now' kind of way. So that I don't make him feel bad or make him feel obligated to try to fix it.

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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Ol' Grey Mare View Post
    It really is a matter of what works for an individual couple s For my DH and I, we don't lie or hide anything because open, honest conversation is more important to the two of us than maintaining a happy façade. We are human and we have bad days and part of our relationship is a desire to support each other through those days. Life is not all happy huggy kitty land
    That being said, if it becomes more of a pattern of perpetual gloominess (ie Eeyore), that would be a different story because no one wants to be constantly bombarded with nothing but bad/down/negative. If your issue is more the former than the latter *I* wouldn't be too concerned.
    This is more what i was getting at.... not that i wouldn't say anything but its more of is it constant gloom/doom or just regular/normal shitty day stuff

    There are 10 types of people in the world, those that understand binary and those that don't
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